Social Skills: Use the SETHI Technique to be Unforgettable

Your social skills shape your success more than you think. The promotion you missed, the deal that fell through, the connection that never took off—these often come down to one thing—your ability to leave a lasting, positive impression through strong social skills.

Why Social Skills Matter More Than You Think

Most people go through life with social “spinach in their teeth.” They have off-putting flaws that quietly cost them opportunities, and they never know why. 

In the workplace, promotions often go to those whom the leaders enjoy working with, not just the top performers. 

In business, deals can fall through based on how someone carries themselves. A tech entrepreneur once walked away from a seven-figure acquisition because the seller came off as cocky during a casual drinks session. The seller never knew what he had done wrong. 

I learned this the hard way, too. Back in high school, I applied for dozens of scholarships but failed every interview. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong until I recorded myself and realized that I never once smiled throughout the entire conversation. 

That’s why I’ve put together this guide: so you can learn practical, actionable strategies to sharpen your social skills, build genuine confidence, and create a presence that opens doors to the opportunities you deserve.

4 Reasons You're Instantly Forgettable

Ever walked away from a social interaction feeling almost invisible? Here are four common reasons why your presence might not be making the impression you’re hoping for. 

1. Your body language screams, "I don't want to be here."

Crossed arms, lack of eye contact, constant fidgeting, or hiding your hands in your pockets can all signal discomfort or disinterest, even if that’s not what you intended to communicate. 

If you rarely smile during conversations, you may also come across as cold or unapproachable to others, especially if it’s their first time meeting you. 

2. You talk like you're in a rush to leave

Speaking too quickly without pausing makes it hard for others to follow your words or understand you. It often signals nervousness or even a lack of interest. People may tune out simply because they struggle to keep up. 

Another common mistake is interrupting someone or only focusing on what you want to say next while someone else is still speaking. When you do this, others feel unheard and unimportant, and you can easily come across as impatient or self-absorbed. 

3. You make everything about yourself

We’ve all met someone who somehow turns every story into their own spotlight. It’s exhausting. 

One of the quickest ways to turn people off in a conversation is by making it all about you. If you constantly talk about your own experiences, rarely ask questions, and don’t give others the space to share, it shows a lack of interest in genuine connection. 

4. You wait for others to do the work

If you rely on others to steer the conversation while offering little in return, you’ll likely be forgotten. 

Giving one-word answers like “fine” or “good” doesn’t leave much for others to respond to. When people feel like they’re doing all the work just to keep the interaction going, they likely won’t be left with a positive impression of you.

Mastering Foundational Social Skills

Now that you know what might be holding you back, it’s time to focus on what works. Here’s how to strengthen your foundation and start showing up with presence in any interaction.

How to master small talk

If you think small talk is pointless, think again. Most meaningful connections start with light, everyday conversations. What seems like casual chatter often sets the tone for lasting impressions and opens doors to unexpected opportunities.

Here’s how to make small talk work for you:

Change your mindset about small talk

The first step to mastering small talk is shifting your mindset. Instead of seeing it as meaningless chatter, view it as the foundation to build deeper relationships. 

The secret to making small talk isn’t about trying to say something profound. Rather, it’s about connecting over shared context. This could be anything from a trending topic, a recent event, or even a shared experience at the event you’re attending.

Still feel stuck? Feel free to check out my guide on three proven systems you can use to talk to anyone. 

Ask questions that actually work

To spark real conversations, go beyond yes or no questions. Instead of asking, “Do you like your job?”, try something like, “What’s the most interesting project you’re working on right now?”

Once they answer, use the thread technique to keep the conversation going: Listen for a specific detail in their response and ask a follow-up question about that part. Most people light up when talking about something they care about, and this makes the conversation feel natural and engaging.

How to small talk better

If you’re new to socializing or are prone to social anxiety, a little preparation can go a long way in boosting your confidence.

Before heading to an event, spend a few minutes catching up on current news, familiarizing yourself with social media trends, or researching the kind of people who might be in attendance. Having a few conversation starters in mind helps you avoid awkward silences and makes it easier to jump into meaningful exchanges.

When it’s your turn to share, be specific. Instead of saying, “I had a good weekend,” try something like, “I found this new coffee shop that roasts their beans in-house. It was amazing.” Specific details give others something to connect with and respond to.

As the conversation flows, listen closely. Use others’ responses as a springboard to ask more meaningful questions about their interests or opinions on topics that they’re passionate about. 

Want to get better at communicating in social settings? You can check out my guide on How to Communicate More Effectively, complete with word-for-word scripts you can use in real conversations. 

How to use the SETHI technique for magnetic presence

If you want to leave a lasting impression, try the humbly titled SETHI Technique: an unforgettable framework that you can instantly apply in any social situation.

S: Smile strategically

This is simple, but very effective. In a group, you naturally trust and gravitate toward people with genuine smiles. In the beginning, forcing yourself to smile more might feel awkward, but keep practicing. Over time, this will become natural to you. 

E: Energy that draws people in

Take whatever energy level you’re at right now and dial it up by 50%. Practice this in low-stakes environments like a coffee shop or grocery store, and notice how people respond. Chances are, they’ll mirror your energy, smile more, and engage more openly. This isn’t about being loud, but rather showing up with more presence and warmth. 

T: Talk slower to command attention

Talking too fast makes your words harder to follow and easier to ignore. Slowing down—yes, even if it feels weird at first—signals confidence and helps you sound more thoughtful and composed. It also gives your words more weight, making people lean in and listen to what you have to say.

H: Hands that enhance your message

Your hands can be a powerful way to express yourself. Using gestures while you speak makes your communication more dynamic and easier to connect with. When you keep your hands visible instead of hiding them in your pockets or crossing your arms, you come across as more open, confident, and engaging.

I: Eye contact that builds instant rapport

Socially fluent people know how to strike the right balance with eye contact. They don’t avoid it, but they also don’t stare anyone down. Instead, they naturally shift between looking at the other person, glancing away for a moment, then returning their gaze. This rhythm feels warm and attentive, and it’s a simple skill you can practice and master over time. 

How to dominate group conversations

In addition to handling one-on-one interactions smoothly, mastering group conversations helps you stand out, build influence, and leave a lasting impression. Here’s how to do it right:

Come prepared like a professional

Do your homework before social events. Look up trending topics, current events, or even fun facts that can help you keep conversations flowing when things stall.

Think ahead about the impression you want to leave. Ask yourself, “What do I want people to remember about me?” Then prepare a few stories or insights that reflect that version of yourself. Intentional preparation makes casual conversations feel effortless and memorable.

Include everyone strategically

In a group setting, try to engage everyone in the group. Don’t just stick to chatting with the most vocal people. Try including quieter members in the conversation by asking their opinions or looping them in with a quick question. This helps create a more inclusive atmosphere and demonstrates strong emotional intelligence.

At networking events, try using the connector strategy: introducing two people who share common interests, experiences, or professional backgrounds. Not only does this make others feel seen and valued, but it also positions you as someone who listens, connects, and brings value to social settings.

Take control without being pushy

As you gain confidence, don’t shy away from taking the lead in group conversations. You can guide the flow by introducing fresh topics when things stall, summarizing key points, or asking thoughtful follow-up questions to keep everyone engaged. The goal is to steer the conversation naturally, without sounding rehearsed or overbearing.

Be mindful not to dominate the discussion. Avoid speaking over others or talking too loudly. Great conversationalists make space for everyone and can strategically facilitate the discussion. One simple but powerful way to do this is by referencing something someone else said earlier. This shows you’re listening and helps build a sense of connection amongst the group.

If you’re more introverted, check out my guide on How to Improve Your Conversational Skills in 5 Easy Steps for extra support. 

How to build confidence for superior social skills

Social skills come when you’re confident in your ability to connect with anyone, in any situation. Here are a few practical ways to build lasting confidence:

The invisibility cloak technique

Whenever you're in a social situation, imagine wearing an invisibility cloak that covers up your fears and anxieties. Ask yourself, "Who am I going to be today?" and then step into that version of yourself, even if you don’t feel confident yet.  

This technique shifts your attitude through behavior first. It captures the essence of "fake it till you make it" as a way to train your body and mind to act confident until that confidence feels natural. 

Confidence-building games that actually work

Here are a few quick games you can try to build your confidence right away: 

• The 60 seconds game: Challenge yourself to start a conversation within the first minute of arriving at any event, coffee shop, or social setting. Whether you’re talking to a barista, a cashier, or someone nearby at an event, use these small interactions to build your confidence and prove to yourself that you can talk to anyone.
• The compliments game: Challenge yourself to give genuine compliments to three different people each day. This helps you practice positive interactions, boosts your confidence, and teaches you to notice and appreciate the good in others. 
• The eye contact game: Challenge yourself to hold eye contact for just one second longer than what feels natural when speaking to service workers. It’s a simple way to build comfort and confidence when communicating with others.
• The 50% more energy game: Practice bringing 50% more energy than usual into your everyday interactions. Start with low-pressure settings like chatting with a barista or a friend, and gradually build up to more professional settings. You’ll notice how people respond more positively when you bring that extra spark.

How to exit conversations like a pro

Strong social skills are not just about starting or maintaining a conversation; they are also reflected in how smoothly you can wrap one up.

When a conversation begins to wind down with signs like longer pauses, repeated topics, or people glancing around the room, pay attention to those cues. Do not force the exchange to continue. Instead, use a warm transition like, “It was great learning about your work in marketing,” before politely excusing yourself to connect with others.

If someone dominates the conversation and makes it hard to leave, redirect with a line like, “I want to make sure I speak with a few more people tonight.”

No matter the situation, end the conversation on a positive note. You can exchange contact information or suggest a follow-up plan so you make a lasting impression and leave the door open for future interaction.

Social Mistakes That Can Kill Your Success

As you work on improving your social skills, watch out for these common mistakes that can quietly sabotage your progress.

Trying to be perfect instead of authentic

People can sense when you're putting on an act or trying too hard to impress them.

When it comes to connecting with someone, authenticity beats perfection every time. Your quirks and imperfections are what make you memorable and relatable, not your ability to deliver flawless conversations.

Instead of aiming to be the most impressive person in the room, focus on being genuinely interested in others. Your sincere curiosity and willingness to connect are what truly make your presence memorable.

Talking at people, not with them

Real conversation should feel like a tennis match—hitting the ball back and forth—not like a bowling game, where you just keep rolling strike after strike. Delivering monologues about your interests, work, or opinions without checking if the other person is actually engaged is a sure way to lose their attention. To avoid this, ask follow-up questions about what the other person has already shared. Get curious. Ask for more details or their take on something they’ve mentioned instead of waiting for your turn to talk. Pay attention to whether they are looking away, checking their phone, or scanning the room, as these are signs they’re starting to lose interest.

If you realize you’ve been rambling out of nerves or excitement, just pause and say something like, “Sorry, I got carried away. What’s your take on this?” It’s a simple shift, but it shows that you care about making it a real conversation.

Avoiding social situations because you're "not good at it"

You might skip parties, networking events, or group activities simply because you assume you'll be awkward or have nothing to contribute. However, social skills can only improve through practice, so avoiding these situations keeps you stuck at your current level forever. 

If you’re feeling anxious, start with smaller, lower-pressure social opportunities like grabbing coffee with one person or joining a community activity like volunteering, where conversations flow easily around shared activities.

Every social interaction is a good opportunity to practice; even brief exchanges with cashiers or neighbors can gradually build your confidence.

Focusing on what you'll say next instead of listening

If you’re busy planning your next sentence while the other person is still talking, you’re not really listening; you’re just waiting for your turn. And people can tell. This creates shallow interactions, where people feel unheard and you miss opportunities to build deeper connections.

Try this instead: Focus fully on them when they’re speaking. Practice active listening skills and allow a short pause before you reply so you can really process their words. Ask a follow-up question or get them to dive deeper into the topic before pivoting to your own story or opinion. It shows you’re present and genuinely care about what they have to say. 

Giving up after one awkward interaction

So you had a bad conversation. Maybe you said something off, or someone reacted in a way that made you second-guess yourself. And now you’re thinking, “Maybe I’m just not a social person.”

But this happens to everyone, even the most socially skilled people. Awkward moments are part of the process. Social skills aren’t about being perfect from day one. Instead, they’re built through practicing, learning from mistakes, and improving over time.

The next time you have a negative experience, simply reflect on what went wrong and adjust your approach. That’s how real progress is made.

Your Social Skills Practice System

If you’re aiming to develop stronger social skills to shape the life you want, here are a few simple steps to help you get started:

Step 1: Treat it like a Rich Life investment

Your Rich Life is your version of a meaningful, abundant life where your relationships, career, and everyday moments make you think, “Wow, I can’t believe this is my life.” A Rich Life is not built by accident. It’s built through intentional choices. 

Social skills are a powerful part of building that life. They help you establish deeper relationships, negotiate better salaries, and advance in your career, giving you the confidence to launch bold ideas and businesses. So treat this like learning any new skill—set aside time, energy, and even money to actively improve your social skills. 

Before long, you’ll start to notice a shift. You’ll be building stronger connections, facing more exciting opportunities, and designing a life that feels more aligned with who you want to be.

Step 2: Start with low-stakes practice

Once you’re ready, test different techniques in low-pressure environments or casual social settings where you can practice without risking important professional relationships.

Use everyday interactions like ordering your coffee or chatting with a cashier as mini training opportunities. Practice making eye contact, increasing your energy levels, or striking up small talk. These interactions are brief and low stakes, so there’s less pressure as you ease into building your confidence.

Step 3: Join interest-based activities

Once you’ve built confidence through everyday interactions, take the next step by joining non-professional interest-based communities to practice your social skills. Look for groups centered around your genuine interests, such as book clubs, sports teams, or hobby circles, where conversations naturally revolve around a specific topic.

These settings are ideal because you already have knowledge and enthusiasm for the topic, which makes it easier to contribute meaningfully and connect with others.

Step 4: Create your own social opportunities

Another great way to build your social skills is by hosting your own events. Plan casual gatherings like dinner parties, game nights, or group outings where you can shape the environment and practice engaging with others in a setting you’re comfortable with. This helps you grow your confidence while also expanding your network.

Step 5: Master follow-up and deeper connections

After meeting someone new, send a thoughtful message that references your conversation and suggests a clear next step to stay in touch. This helps solidify the connection and sets the foundation for a stronger relationship.

As you build trust, practice opening up and being vulnerable by sharing challenges you’ve overcome or lessons you’ve learned, while still respecting personal boundaries. The goal is to connect, not to overshare. 

Lastly, develop genuine curiosity about others. Approach conversations with the intention to understand their experiences and perspectives. When you show real interest, people feel more seen and heard, making the connection more meaningful for both of you. 

Why Social Skills Are Your Secret Rich Life Weapon

If you think social skills are just a “nice-to-have” and not essential because of your line of work, think again. No matter your background or industry, strong social skills are a non-negotiable for living a Rich Life.

The financial connection

Social skills have a direct impact on your earning potential. Promotions, salary negotiations, and business opportunities rarely come from anonymous applications or purely merit-based systems; they flow through relationships.

When you have strong interpersonal abilities, you gain access to the hidden job market, where roles are filled through networking and connections long before they're ever posted online. On the flip side, poor social skills come with hidden costs: missed promotions, lost opportunities, events you’re not invited to, failed business deals, and a limited professional reputation that could hold you back throughout your career.

Your Rich Life connection

Social skills are not separate from your Rich Life; they are an essential tool that helps you reach it faster by opening doors that often stay closed to people who have not built these skills.

Social skills can also align perfectly with your Conscious Spending Plan. When you invest time and money in experiences that strengthen relationships—such as hosting gatherings, joining professional communities, or taking communication courses—you are actively building your Rich Life.

Over time, you will find that your social network becomes one of your greatest assets. It offers both financial opportunities and personal fulfillment through deeper, more meaningful connections with people who share your values and interests.