How To Communicate More Effectively: The One Key Strategy

The one thing that hurts communications

When people come to us for advice or simply talk to us about their problems, what many of us default to is to provide them with information. 

Yeah, don’t do that. 

I know it’s counter-intuitive, but here’s the thing–people don’t need more information. They’re well aware of their problem. If someone is 50lbs overweight I promise you they are already aware that they have an issue with diet and exercise. The last thing they need is for you to start informing them on what they should change in their life. 

The key to doing this is to be more sensitive. 

I know what you’re thinking, “Ramit, out of all people how are YOU telling me to be more sensitive?”

Listen, this is my blog so I can call myself sensitive if I want to. The point is, you need to have a bit more empathy if you want people to like you. If you’re unwilling to do that, then you should just make peace with the fact that people won’t like you too much. 

Trying to tell people where they messed up comes across as insensitive and it leaves them with the feeling that you don’t have any appreciation for their situation. Once you internalize the need for sensitivity, you can move on to what you should actually do to improve your communication. 

The best thing to do to communicate more effectively

So, you know you need to be more sensitive in order to communicate with people in a way that leads you to being well liked. Knowing that is one thing, but doing it is a whole different beast. 

So what does being more sensitive look like and how can you start practicing?

Here’s one simple strategy you can use to start changing your behavior in conversation. 

Pick one person in your friend group who is universally liked. This person will serve to be your communications mentor. I want you to watch carefully how they respond to questions. If someone comes up to them complaining about their relationship or their weight, listen closely. 

What questions do they ask? Do they try to give advice, or do they make statements of empathy? Are they doing most of the talking, or mainly listening?

I’m sure you’ll find that their response differs greatly from how you would respond in that situation. 

After you’ve studied them, try to modulate yourself. The next time someone baits you with something like “Oh, I really need to go to the gym”, don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind (trust me, I can appreciate how hard this is). 

Take a second and think about how your friend would respond. And then give that response. Over time, you’ll end up changing your internal psychology as well. 

Finally end the bad habit of being a jerk

As you learned from above, being honest is not the most important thing in a conversation. What most people want is to talk to someone who is non-judgemental and be their friend. 

If you follow the procedure above, you’ll change the bad habit of blurting out the “honest” albeit insensitive thing that comes into your mind into more statements of empathy. This will lead to you being well liked by your network. 

Frequently Asked Questions:

Why is Effective Communication important? 

Effective communication is key to understanding, trust and cooperation in any relationship. When communication is effective, it leaves all parties involved satisfied and feeling accomplished. By delivering messages clearly, there is no room for misunderstanding or alteration of messages, which decreases the potential for conflict.

Why is Communication Important for Mental health?

Put down your phone and pick up a new friend. Building good relationships with other people can greatly reduce stress and anxiety in your life. It is scientifically proven that improving your social support is linked to better mental health in general, since having good friends can act as a “buffer” for feelings of anxiety and low mood.