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How do you deal with unsupportive family members?

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In the ultimate human curiosity, the more and more you start doing well at something, the more and more people will try to cut you down.

Sometimes they don’t even realize they’re doing it. They’ll say things like, “Are you really sure that’s the right decision? What if something goes wrong? What if you don’t make enough money?” This is called being a concern troll.

It’s one thing if it’s your friend or co-worker. Just block them on FB, duh.

But what if it’s your brother? Your mom? Your dad? How are you supposed to handle family members that second-guess you…and make you feel bad about your choices?

I want to tap the wisdom of the IWT community to see how you’d deal with it.

(Btw, before I get to the question, I’m hiring a Marketing Manager for IWT. If you’re highly quantitative, have experience in direct marketing, and have managed teams of SEM/SEO/optimization, click here to learn more about this full-time position as a Marketing Manager).

Check out this questions I got from an IWT reader:

“I love [my family] and want them happy. They wallow in misery and blame me for it. I feel very tied to them although I should just let go. How do you let go of the living who have become a source of poison and sickness in your life when you are related to them and have known them your whole life?”
–[Name withheld]

I want to ask you TWO questions.

1. How has this happened to you? Specifically, if you’ve ever had a family member be unsupportive, what exactly did they say? (Did they come right out and say, “That’s a bad decision!” Or were they more subtle about it?)

2. How would you recommend this person deal with their unsupportive family? What exactly should they do?

(Btw, don’t just say “Cut them out of your life!” These are family members that they love and can’t turn their back on.)

Share your answer in the comments below.

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[…] How do you deal with unsupportive family members? is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich. […]

Jbbcmd
Jbbcmd
19 days 2 hours ago

I get put doen by my family all of the time

Jonathon
2 years 11 months ago

I know you said “don’t just say ‘Cut them out of your life!’ These are family members that they love and can’t turn their back on” but that’s exactly what I did. Family or not, if they are dragging you down – cut them loose.

Anon
Anon
2 months 9 days ago

AMEN!!!! Just because they’re “family” doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart. Love this!!!

Princess
Princess
1 month 12 days ago

Amen. I’ve come to learn this myself . Love them or not this is sick, dysfunctional and twisted toxic behavior . Run and cry as you go the tears will dry up when you reach the next destination of purpose . There will either be a new family there or those who need a family just like you who are willing to offer mutual support and respect towards you well being and vice versa !

Scott
Scott
25 days 5 hours ago

Until u run into cacer once twice third hope fully the see you all in heaven im poor broken beaten and scarred

Jbbcmd
Jbbcmd
19 days 2 hours ago

I agree with you

Dawn S.
2 years 11 months ago
Oh, Ramit… You have no idea how badly this hits home on a lot of fronts. Coming from a very traditional (i.e. non-entrepreneurial family), and having moved back from Europe last year, I seriously wish I had an American dollar every time I’d heard or had this conversation with people. (That’s where my extra $1000 a month would come from.) I get this all the time from my parents. I moved my teaching business online before leaving Europe last year, and my parents (God love ’em) have been supportive…EXCEPT….except for hounding me about invoices that have not been paid (like… Read more »
Donna
Donna
2 years 11 months ago
For some people, there are tactics they can use with their parents or family members to change the subject. “Oh, you may be right. What’s up with Sports Team?” is a good starting point. If family members still want to dwell in the Misery Bucket, the individual could state directly that they don’t want to talk about money with them, but they’d love to talk about family/hometown/whatever. Your request that we not say “Cut them off!” is loaded with assumptions about our families, that they are good people at heart, and raised us to succeed and thrive in the world.… Read more »
Barley
Barley
2 years 11 months ago

A mentor shared this with me:

*Give-up goals, tell everyone.

*Move-up goals, tell only your team or a select few that fully support you.

For example, want to quit smoking? Tell everyone. The next time they see you smoke they’ll be like…

Want to pitch potential investors for 1m financing for your trading fund? Tell someone who has either done it before and succeeded or someone who knows that once you put your mind to something, you can’t be stopped.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
2 years 11 months ago

What a pearl of wisdom. Thank you.

Queen
Queen
2 years 1 day ago

I love it!!!

Queen
Queen
2 years 1 day ago

Rivka Link to this comment Great comment. I wonder how a stock reply would work, something light like, “Hey, I’m still young! I can handle some risk. Worse come to worst, I’ll sign up for a ‘normal’ job before I’m 35.”
This helped me too

a-rex
a-rex
2 years 11 months ago
My parents are openly supportive but secretly unsupportive. My mother loves bragging about me to her friends and co-workers (I’m 20 and running a sweet little part-time business that pays for my university degree) but when the time comes for me to ask her questions about business, or go to the next step… she always stops me and tells me that I’m fine where I am, why grow when I’m good here, etc. It’s definitely disheartening! I know she’s proud of me, but her fear keeps me back a lot. For me, I’ve started being more firm about my business… Read more »
Princess
Princess
1 month 12 days ago

What a wise young adult you are ! Preserve your relationship with mom and build a secret empire along the way !! So wise . Keep your head to the sky Blessings

Christie
Christie
2 years 11 months ago

I get a combination of both subtle and direct criticism daily from my husband to my mother–from leaving the light on, to taking too long to write my dissertation, to how much I spent on a new pair of underwear, to why I am or am not taking or quitting this or that job/responsibility. I’ve determined nothing I say or do will change their attitudes–unless I die of course and they feel guilty. Their attitudes are products of their own issues, not mine.

Lisa
Lisa
7 days 36 minutes ago

I agree with you. Let it be their issues.

Mike
2 years 11 months ago
To all the folks who did just “cut” family out of there lives- wow. That’s pretty harsh!! I had this happen to me and rather than cut important people out of my life, I did a few things. First, I looked at the person and their experience and found that often times, they just didn’t know better. That their behavior matched that of their parents, etc.. So I used that as leverage “Remember when Joe didn’t support you? Well it seems you are doing the same here- am I missing something”?. That helped people see their behavior, understand it and… Read more »
jack
jack
13 days 14 hours ago
i agree with you but when you try it over n over n over again and its going no where one has to asked it self is it worth it any more. so for now i cut off my family. all family bro, sis, dad, cousins all. One has to ask one self what more important: to do what u r doing and get no where and have one health, energy being wasted on ones who don’t give a flying whatever about you, or taking that energy and applying it to people who want to be in your life who… Read more »
Lisa
Lisa
7 days 33 minutes ago

You made a good point its worth a try.

Jon
2 years 11 months ago
My buddy Adam recently wrote about this issue. Here’s a bit of what he would say: ——– Understanding why people sabotage us will make it a lot easier to deal with. With consistency comes results. Sadly, this is also when the saboteurs try to work their toxic magic.It can be very frustrating, even hurtful, when our coworkers, friends and even family members might try to sabotage our efforts. First, we have to understand human behavior – at its WORST. A study quoted in the book The Paradox of Choice gave participants hypothetical choices concerning status and asked for their preferences.… Read more »
rosa
rosa
13 days 4 hours ago

this post really helped me. thank you.

Ashweeta
Ashweeta
2 years 11 months ago
The answer may seem simple but love yourself and be confident in your decisions. A person or even family member can bring you to a point of poison ONLY if you feel that that poison is in you too. Example – if you do not think you are fat and someone calls you fat – you don’t care. We look to family for approval and wish that they could support us in everything we do. But it isn’t that simple, generation gaps, different cultures, depending on where/when you grew up, all factor into a person’s or your family’s thought process.… Read more »
Lisa
Lisa
7 days 30 minutes ago

Loving ones self also sounds like very good advice.

Annika S
2 years 11 months ago
I’ve found that as I’ve become clearer on my goals, as my own self-doubt has lessened, so has the criticism from my family. The more they see that you’re not going to change, the more likely they are to support you or leave you alone. My father still occasionally bugs me about returning to university, but I realize that its because he never went himself and has missed out on several promotions because of it. Understanding why family members are saying the things they do (usually they are projecting their own fears onto you) makes a huge difference in the… Read more »
Hai
Hai
2 years 11 months ago
I recently decided to open up a business within the next 2 months and I am deciding if I should do a straight online and in-person marketing strategy or a brick and mortar ( about 15 times more expensive). Without hearing the details, my brother said that it was going to be expensive. His way of saying “I don’t know if you should… ” I come from a business background and thought the risk were high, but not that high. The risk is extremely high because most people cannot put the amount of work, persistent, and dedication towards the daily… Read more »
Chris
Chris
2 years 11 months ago
1. Years ago, I stopped being in an industry where I made good money but I really didn’t not enjoy it, how about the word “hate” to describe it. My father said why don’t you go back and I said if I did I would feel like I want to die. Really. Fast forward -years- I grew up. If you would offer me a position in the first industry, I would actually consider it. I can call it what it is and navigate. There are things I own and there are some things I don’t own… which leads me to… Read more »
Tom
Tom
2 years 11 months ago
My wife and I have both been very creative people our entire lives – me a fiction writer specializing in sci-fi, fantasy, and domination erotica and her a physical artist working primarily in artisan-style media (chainmaille, jewelry, leather working, some paper crafts) – and we’ve both experienced significant amounts of resistance, often masked as concern, from our families both long before and now after getting together. Her issues have always come from her mother and stem from being the most socially capable and hard-working daughter of a family of truly awkward and lazy women, essentially the only useful person born… Read more »
Jesus Magana
2 years 11 months ago

If they are raising questions to make cut you down, instead of arguing with them you can ask for their advice of what would be the first thing they do in they were in your position. This will lead to:

– Turn they negative questions to a constructive comments or suggestion
– They will be conscious that if they raise up a question, they have to provide a possible solution, not just the problems, because you will ask for them.

Nathan
Nathan
2 years 11 months ago
I used very clear lines with my Dad. He tended to not realize he was discouraging me from a dream he once had too. When he would say things like “you haven’t thought of this x-angle” or “how are you possibly going to handle y or z” I would tell him “If he didn’t want to help me or encourage me than we shouldn’t talk about my work”. I also maintained being kind and level-headed in my responses. Currently, after a year of having that line drawn he has join the support train. It was hard to build a wall,… Read more »
Becky Jewell
2 years 11 months ago
1. After reading this blog, I realize that I am blessed to have a very supportive family … (Maybe even overly supportive! Perhaps that could be a blog for later, Ramit). 2. I feel the best path for this person would be to just ask his/her family point-blank about WHY they blame him/her, and WHY they choose to wallow in misery. Get to the root of it. Why are they blaming? Why blame at all? What does this behavior mean, and if the family has to keep doing it, how can this person see their situation and choices clearly, despite… Read more »
Doug
Doug
2 years 11 months ago
This advice I found from an old Pam Slim blog post. I have used it and it works, up to a point. When a family member criticizes you for your life choices, agree. Roll over and show your belly. Tell them, yes, your are absolutely correct, I could loose my job, have no money and wind up living in a van down by the river. Yes, thanks for warning me. Stop talking there, and keep your resolve to live your own life. Always listen and ask yourself privately if there is value in their advice. Respect your elders, but you… Read more »
Kevin
2 years 11 months ago
I’ve never had family members be overly concerned about the main decisions of my life, but I certainly have had friends who have gone through this. It seems like most of them come to a place where their only option is to set very clear and healthy boundaries, and do their best to lead by example, and prove their family members wrong. I think there’s a middle way between cutting family out completely and letting their opinions ruin your life. I think it’s also important to consider that, on a deeper level, you’re the one creating them showing up in… Read more »
Frank M
Frank M
2 years 11 months ago
1) When I told my parents I was going to do Effectiveness Coaching on the side, my mom told me “That’s so stupid! Starting a business is dangerous! When you go broke, don’t come to me for help!” Honestly, my family is very morally supportive (i.e. “we believe you’re awesome just the way you are!”), but when it comes to something “risky” like starting a business, their invisible scripts start to show (i.e. “That’s so stupid! You’re going to go broke!” even though it’s a consulting business where I put down no capital). 2) How I recommend dealing with an… Read more »
Matthew
Matthew
2 years 11 months ago

Great reply. A support group is something I hadn’t really thought about. I have been trying to fight my battle by myself. Thank you once again for the good read!

Eleanore Strong
2 years 11 months ago
1. Yes, this has happened to me. A lot of the people I’m close to don’t really get the whole “making money online” thing. They usually take the subtle approach, expressing doubts such as “How can you make money from that?” or “What if people don’t like what you write?” 2. As far as how this person should deal with their unsupportive family, it sounds like a boundary issue to me. “Letting go” IS the answer, but that doesn’t necessarily mean “cutting them out of your life.” The question is WHAT to let go of. In this case, this person… Read more »
Megan
Megan
2 years 11 months ago

I think Jen Dziura covered it really well (here: http://www.thegloss.com/2013/02/07/career/bullish-what-do-you-owe-your-family/) when she said that sometimes earning more money actually gives you the freedom to make better decisions about your familial obligations. Then you can help out and keep the connection in ways that aren’t using up all of your time and opportunities.

Matthew
Matthew
2 years 11 months ago

That was a great post by Jen. Thank you for the share.

Garth
Garth
2 years 11 months ago

I actually find it motivating! My Dad is very entrepreneurial and supportive but my Mum is much more cautious and pessimistic. I like having both sides of the coin to bounce things off and I find my Mum’s conservatism actually encourages me to try harder and prove her wrong!

ian
ian
2 years 11 months ago
I have found in western society that the idea of making money is not very popular. There seems to be more appreciation here in Australia for someone to sit around and collect money from the government than to go out and make a living. Entrepreneurs are about taking an idea and making money from it. If you were to talk about teaching or a learning pursuit that would be fine But to talk about money is not okay. We do not even get taught how to budget properly at school. That is really showing a lack in this society where… Read more »
Lily
Lily
2 years 11 months ago
1. How has this happened to you? Specifically, if you’ve ever had a family member be unsupportive, what exactly did they say? (Did they come right out and say, “That’s a bad decision!” Or were they more subtle about it?) My parents highly value education. I took a nursing degree in the first place because of them. I wanted to do architecture initially but my father wanted me to take up a proven high-earning degree. He’d say ‘Oh but it’s up to you. What I’m saying is that nursing guarantees income. After you do nursing and earn money, then you… Read more »
YOHAMI
2 years 11 months ago
I did cut them loose, all of them. 10 years or so later they started being really supportive. Too late folks! If cutting them lose is not an option I’d advice doing your own and dont waste time negotiating. Kind of cutting them loose insitu. Before I was able to cut them loose I spent what… 15 years trying to move along with them. If there was a way Im pretty sure I would have found it. Just do your thing instead. See if they come and welcome them if so, but dont sweat it, its your life and your… Read more »
oswoods
oswoods
2 years 11 months ago
On the one hand, I had a mother who was a narcissistic alcoholic. It was all about her and I kept looking for a “mom” until I grew up enough to realize that wasn’t going to happen. Then, I stopped talking to her. Now, my dad is another story. He is risk-averse himself and wants only the very best for his little girls. If he had his way, I would have lived with him until he died. So, support only came for “appropriate” ventures (marriage, steady job). I kept him in my life, but didn’t expect support. Once I stopped… Read more »
Dean Saliba
2 years 11 months ago
For a number of years I kept my online earning a secret from my family because I knew that they would look down their noses at me and accuse me of doing nothing more than playing games all day and that I should go out and get a real job. When I did finally tell them they reacted in EXACTLY the way that I thought they would. It is some SIX years later and they still treat me as a layabout who can’t be bothered to get a job and spends all day playing games online, I have shown them… Read more »
Tom Rose
2 years 11 months ago
The short of it: I don’t bring it up, and they have an opportunity to send negative vibes. I have a co-worker that has a laser focus on failure and things that go wrong. Sometimes, I find it very difficult to talk with him about my ideas because there is so much negativity dragging things down. What I have started doing to deal with this is simply recognize that he is not a good resource during the brainstorming phase of an idea of project. Instead of going to him with ideas, I go to other people with ideas and don’t… Read more »
Guro Weich
Guro Weich
2 years 11 months ago
Family is great and I am lucky to have a great family. But when it comes to Job, life dreams and business. Family can have different perspectives and opinions and it’s really hard when I want to have approval from my Dad. I’ve realized that he will never understand or “approve” or see it through my eyes. He will always be my dad and want to help me by pointing out things that he thinks I need to know about. I realize when I talk to him, all I want him is to listen and “approve”. There are so many… Read more »
Nina
Nina
2 years 11 months ago

I told my parents I only wanted their blessings. Not their unsollicited advice, nor their (usually unconstructive) criticism.
So now I send them my best wishes, I pray for them daily, but I almost completely broken up with them because I can’t take their negativity. I know they are good people, but they are trapped in their own negativity. They harms themselves as well as people around them, just like a smoker would do;

BobNeil
BobNeil
2 years 11 months ago
Very non-specific question and example but speaking from experience: Communicate clearly in a variety of ways what your position is and how their behavior makes you feel. Make a direct request for them to stop specific behavior. If they don’t stop, get counseling together so an independant 3rd party can mediate and help each party understand the other. If they still don’t support you and you still feel “poison” from them, the choice is to keep them in your life out of duty and the love you feel for them despite the pain they cause. Or to let them go.… Read more »
Diane
Diane
2 years 11 months ago
My mom is very insecure about so many things. Any success I have, I want her to be proud of me, happy for me, but instead it is threatening to her. She once actually said “you can’t be better than me.” My feelings about this vary. When I’m strong, I am sorry for the things that hurt her so deeply and that are the source of her insecurity. Then I’m kind and even protective of her. When I’m not as strong, when it makes me angry, I shift my focus. I remind myself that her behaviour is hers. My behavior,… Read more »
Bill
Bill
2 years 11 months ago

I try to remind my parents that my success is a reflection of their input and upbringing. Any success I have should be viewed as partly how they raised me. To her comment “You can’t be better than me,” I might respond, “Mom, I’m not trying to be better than you. I’m trying to be best that you’ve taught me to be. You’ve raised me to persue excellence and I am. Thank you for teaching me that!”

Giving a little credit to them may help change the tone and conversation.

Margarita
Margarita
2 years 11 months ago
There are a couple of ways to cope. If you have a concern troll in your family you’ll need to get some distance (geographic or temporal) from them. It’s hard enough to do what you need to do without being dragged down. So be sure to spend time with the right peer and support group. The second thing is to be selective about what you share and with whom. There are some things I just don’t share with certain people because I don’t want to elicit their limited mindset. I talk to them about other things. Just as you shouldn’t… Read more »
Bill
Bill
2 years 11 months ago
This has happened to my wife and I. When we asked her family to help us take a trip to Paris by watching our 3 children, they sat us down and told us that they didn’t think the timing was right. They brought up concern for the children, the fact that my wife was 3 months pregnant, and projects around the house that could be completed with the money we’d spend on the trip. We listened to their concerns, thanked them for expressing their concern for us, and then told them that while we understand their position, we have decided… Read more »
JJ
JJ
2 years 11 months ago

Whenever someone spouts me with their misery, I immediately counter with something along the lines of “What can we do about it?” And keep hammering this question (in various forms) until the conversation switches from complaining to finding solutions.

Amith Reddy
2 years 11 months ago
I have become more entrepreneurial this year, and begun to explore non traditional ways of earning. My mom and my dad have been extremely un-supportive. 1. My mom is more straight forward in discouraging me: “That’s not going pan out”, “Your thinking is in the clouds”, etc etc. My dad is much more subtle. He says he worries “that I will fail and will become depressed” (or some other home brewed physiology BS). Or a sarcastic comment out of the blue when we are talking about a completely different topic. I found that both are extremely amazingly creative at coming… Read more »
Nina
2 years 11 months ago
Hello, Thanks for sharing. At one point, my sister told me : sometimes businesses don’t work out. My ex told me to go get a real job. To be honest, I let go of my ex for other reasons. However, my sister is a different story. She is someone who I love and respect. So, it was very hurtful when she told me to get a job instead of moving forward with my business. The way I handled it was: I told her thank you for your opinion, but this is something that I am passionate about and I am… Read more »
Maegan Anderson
2 years 11 months ago

Focus on your dreams and goals in your life. Don’t let other people steal your dreams, even they are one of the member of your family. Just listen to them, but then again the decision is still yours. If you can fight for it, then do it.

Robert
2 years 11 months ago
You would think that family members would be the most supportive of anyone starting up a business. Sure you’d expect them to express any doubts, that’s natural but once you decided on a course of action then you would think you would get their backing. Sadly it doesn’t work like that. People do not understand the concept of internet marketing; it sounds a bit shady to them. I would explain that I am building websites, some of them I sell from, some I use as affiliate sites. Nope, still nobody understood. Then one happy day my sister was visiting and… Read more »
Matthew
Matthew
2 years 11 months ago
Well this is a very tricky situation. As someone who is dealing with this at this particular moment in my life I am more looking to tell my story rather than give advice. I find it very difficult when the person I chose to marry and the mother of my child is the one who is un-supportive. I work in the hotel industry and love every minute of it. I recently decided to take a job that was a little bit of a pay cut and about two hours away from what we call “home”. I took this job because… Read more »
Paul Paquin
2 years 11 months ago
I swear this post is working through God, and has pulled me in. I am going through this very subject right now, with poisonous venom coming from my mother. In regards to this part: “What if it’s your brother? Your mom? Your dad? How are you supposed to handle family members that second-guess you…and make you feel bad about your choices? When this occurs in my life, I just use the words to push me to work 2 times as hard. Use it as fuel. Just like in sports when you get doubt, take those words and use it to… Read more »
Fel
2 years 10 months ago
As someone (like 99% of the rest of the planet) whose main source of opposition in my life has been family, I’ve developed many strategies to deal with traditional, old school (sometimes dysfunctional) and unsupportive family members. Here’s one that has worked every single time–and the specific incident was when I was going to leave my life in LA to move up to SF for a new job (without my boyfriend–who still had to stay in LA and live out the rest of our apt lease): The strategy is: Get ALL of the facts before you say a word to… Read more »
Tracy
Tracy
2 years 10 months ago
This topic is so relevant. It is so important to have supportive people in your life to help you through difficult things. Unfortunately sometimes even your family and friends can have difficulty being supportive for whatever reason. I have a mother that is from the generation that you stay in your job forever and just be quiet and work hard and you will get ahead. I would never have the job that I have now if I had listened to that advice. I just really wanted to find a career at a company where I would enjoy the work and… Read more »
AG
AG
2 years 10 months ago
I have had to deal with this all my life. I’ve gone from being called “thick, useless and stupid” which does nothing positive for your self-esteem to just letting it all go. I was blind with anger for many years, pointing the finger, coming up with excuses for why I wasn’t doing anything and one day I realized one simple reality: I can’t change my family, but I can change the way I deal with them. That set me free. Learn to forgive them, find a way to be grateful for the good things they have done (if any) and… Read more »
Jill Thiery
Jill Thiery
2 years 10 months ago
If you looked up “Concern Troll” in the dictionary, you would see only a pix of my family. It started when I was 13 and dragged on until I was 35 years old. I agree, it’s not a good idea to suddenly cut off all ties with them, unless it’s a safety issue, obviously. My solution was to slowly, but earnestly, begin to distance myself and every aspect of my life from them, (that took me 7 years) I didn’t say or do anything hateful, it was just a determined shift in another direction without injury to them. I don’t… Read more »
becky jewell
2 years 10 months ago
I have a followup comment to my earlier one. My uncle is a former NASA astronaut. He’s performed repairs on the Hubble telescope, and is one of the few people who has done successive spacewalks. Yet, I hear stories from our family about how one of his parents still has moments where she treats him poorly, as if he has accomplished nothing. She’s also had depression her entire life. If you look harder at how she behaves, some of her harsher words for him actually have very little to do with him. Just remember that sometimes, no matter what kind… Read more »
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[…] When you try to deviate from the norm by creating your own business and being responsible for your own success, people will try to cut you down. They’ll say “What happens if you fail? What if you don’t make enough money?” “Why don’t you just stay in your job?” And it’s fine if those people are your jealous co-workers or stuck-in-their-ways friends. But what happens if those people are your close family – your mum, dad, brother? In this article, some readers give advice to a guy in a sticky situation… […]

PR
PR
2 years 30 days ago
My parents have both passed and the only family I have is a sister & two brothers. They act as if I don’t exist until it’s their or their children’s birthday or a holiday and they expect a gift from me. When my birthday has been forgotten they say, “So…. what’s your point?” They don’t invite me for any holidays but call me on those days to tell me the great time they are having with their spouses and kids. Isn’t your family supposed to care about you? Have some regard for you? I’m not a drug addict, I’ve never… Read more »
Kelly
Kelly
22 days 19 hours ago
Hi there. I know all to well how it feels for family members to treat you like crap. I am terribly sorry for what you are going through, but just remember that God loves you. He loves you more than you’ll ever know and his love never fails. I know it’s hard, my goodness don’t I know, but you just have to pray for people. Ask god to remove those hateful, selfish spirits from your siblings, and he will do just that. It never fails. Also try having a talk with them on how they are treating you. If that… Read more »
Red
Red
2 years 27 days ago
My husband passed away a year ago I took care of him till he passed.all by myself.i have a 21 year old who never even came over to help give me a break instead she moved in with my mom. She lives around the corner from me.my mother never even came over. Now my daughter won’t talk to me. And my mother has taken over my daughter haven’t talked to my daughter in almost a year. And my mother won’t even be a mother to me. My daughter has always been my mothers favorite. I’m getting angry angry angry. What… Read more »
Kelly
Kelly
22 days 19 hours ago

Pray for the both of them. Ask God to remove that distant spirit that your mother and daughter has. I’m sorry that has happened to you, but just know that if you ask God to take care of the situation, then he will do just that.

Kimberly
Kimberly
2 years 8 days ago
My mother and father are both gone. Before they passed I took care of them. Father for 21 years and my mother only a short time because the cancer spread so quickly. I have one sister who did not help at all. She is and always will be a narcissist. She now has R.A. I let her move in with me, so I could help her get her life together. Big huge mistake!!! She drained me financially and mentally…. when she found a man who had money she moved out. I had to sell my home to regroup. I have… Read more »
Kelly
Kelly
22 days 19 hours ago

Don’t worry about it darling, because God is going to bless you tremendously. This is just a test.

Regina T. Kourt
2 years 3 days ago

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fastidious funny stuff too.

Suxigoogle.Com
2 years 2 days ago

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Brent
Brent
1 year 11 months ago
It’s amazing to me how some people treat their family – not friends their family ! To cut your family out of your life because they are making you sick and/ or its getting in the way of your life goals is selectively unloving and selfish. As it goes you take the good with the bad and you FILTER OUT of your head what you don’t want to listen to, maybe even communicating to these poison causing family members how you FEEL(not think) about what their comments are doing to you. If they are the thick headed types instead of… Read more »
Dharmendra Bhagat
Dharmendra Bhagat
1 year 2 months ago
I am a businessman aged 47. Basically I am a jeweller. I do my business since 1998. Before that I was working in a jewelry company. I married in 1994. My wife was working in government job. She is very co operati’ve. In1998 my second son was born and I decided to start my business. My start was regular. I was doing everything good. In 2005 I started my office in Dubai also. Till 2010 everything was going well. But after 2010 I started facing problem s in business. In 2013 I have to shut down my Dubai office. After… Read more »
Kelly
Kelly
22 days 19 hours ago

It sounds like your an “extremely” mltovated person. I can yell you want whats best for your wife and children. Pray about it. Pray REALLY hard about the situation. Sometimes in life you’ll have ups and downs though out, but what matters is how you handle them. No doubt God is going to reward you with something amazing once you take that step and have faith in him.

Ellen
Ellen
1 year 2 months ago
I’ve gone through most of my life with my family not supporting me on anything. No one ever backed me up or defended me when things happened. Anytime something would happen and I got hurt, or someone attacked me verbally, it was always my own fault. I was never taught how to deal with or handle bullies, and my family never protected me. Then later, my mom started attacking me, giving me a hard time about everything I did in my life if I wasn’t pleasing every g-damn person that came across my life. Later, as I got older and… Read more »
secret
1 year 1 month ago

But family member’s are very important in our life….Sometimes they couldn’t understand us…….Then what we should do???

William
1 year 1 month ago
In life sometimes we fight winless and just plain out meaningless battles, especially where biological family is concerned. It will unproductively take away from you mentally, physically and health wise so just let go and cut them off. Family doesn’t necessarily have to be biological because your biological family can cause a lot of problems, strife and unnecessary stress in your life. Certain families will even single one out as the scapegoat to always blame, disgrace and show unsupportive behavior too but there comes a time when enough is enough because repetively condoning certain people and their behavior is almost… Read more »
Kaleb
Kaleb
1 year 1 month ago
1.) Yes. I have had select members (not everyone) in my family who have either flat out said that whatever I happened to desire to do was pointless, meaningless, or even stupid because I wasn’t doing what they wanted me to do, or because they don’t see the value in loving to do something because you love it, not doing something just to do it/just for the payoff. I have also had an even more select group of family members who, seemingly everyday, use either subtleties, or who use straight up personal attacks (which I will not list here) in… Read more »
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Darleen
Darleen
1 year 1 month ago
Well, where do I begin. LOLLLLL……..I’ve been dealing with a family member that has been going ballistic and crazy about not having any alcohol in the house And that they are determined that I threw it out or get out the same which I did not And shut down and basically having this horrible and his social behavior toward me right now and I’ve been caring for this person being there for them And so all of you guys is There’s always a flip side to every good thing and this person drive a test was negative three and happens… Read more »
CG
CG
11 months 29 days ago
So my husband of 23 years died. The kids (3 of them) and I decided not to have a formal memorial service. My husband loved to play golf. We decided to get all of his golf buddies together for one last game in his memory with a luncheon to follow. One of his golf buddies was my brother-in-law. Here’s the deal. My sister and her husband said they will not participate because he can’t take a day off from volunteer work and she cannot take a day off from work. Then I find out that they are taking time off… Read more »
Iman Fahru Syuhada
11 months 23 days ago

I have this problem with my mom, she told me that I looks like a gay by being skinny or have a ideal body in my opinion. And it changed me.

Xilk
10 months 3 days ago
what if your mom and older brother blames you for the things you didn’t do but when you are able to prove that your long time nanny/house keeper did it they justify her actions even though you had a proof of video in the cctv of your home that she did it. and if you admit a mistake even though you say sorry they treat you coldy for days, weeks and even for months. Ever since I was young this has always been happening I’ved talked about this to my mom allot of times already that i lost count but… Read more »
Xilk
10 months 3 days ago

and when they saw she really did it they would justify her actions by saying nobody is perfect but when it comes to me even though my mistakes are less serious mistakes than our nanny they treat me so cold over and over that sometimes i get so depress that i don’t eat properly because we all live in one roof and they keep saying nasty stuff to me over and over but when it comes to her in just a snap they forgive her and justify her actions by saying nobody is perfect. :'(

andria thompson
9 months 23 days ago
What would you do if you found out that a whole city tried sabotaging you because they are all able to see you email texts and different things that you have access to via your name and accounts? Even my family tried sabotaging me and now they are upset because I’m taking this information to the FBI and telling them that they tried sabotaging myself and my credibility because they made a video and tried to say it was me and it wasn’t and now they’re in trouble with the law. I can’t help them. Then they made like they… Read more »
Kosy
7 months 16 days ago
I’m having the same issues with my parents. They keep trying to control my life with passive aggressive statements e.g. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do but *insert negative comment* and it always ends up with them (especially my dad) going ballistic. Recently, I started a website which I have worked my ass off on and my dad keeps dismissing it as trivial and providing zero support even to the point of making it clear that he’d cut me off financially (not like he gives me a huge stipend but I live under my parents roof as… Read more »
Nikki
Nikki
6 months 16 days ago
I cannot take my family anymore I am the baby out of 5. Every chance my family gets they tell me I wasn’t wanted. She tried to abort me herself but would not die. So they treat me like shit. I am in a Tyler perry movie. Zero support. My sister fucks men women and animals gets all the support in the universe. I was in the hospital after being shot. The doctor called my parents all they said was that’s nice let us know when she dead. Where were they in Vegas supporting my whore of a sister at… Read more »
Nikki
Nikki
6 months 16 days ago

I ment to say boyfriend had parent teacher meetings last night that is why he could not come

Nikki
Nikki
6 months 16 days ago

I ment to say he had PTA meeting last night that is why he could not attend

Guan
Guan
6 months 14 days ago

Ah… Confidence!

I am joyful and happy about my decision to do what’s right for me..

I am confident to only need my approval and that of God.

I am confident that as long as I follow my heart, my world will be filled with the joys of a family I am supported and loved by.

When I think about it, I do have loving amazing family–just brothers and sisters from different parents!

I am feeling more confident to go long term ( and I trust I can do this!)

astrouniverse.pl
4 months 17 days ago

You will be shocked at the quantity of health meals” that may
include sugar, wheat and different nasty ingredients.

Lonelyone
Lonelyone
3 months 21 days ago
I only have a narsistic mum and im 1 on the scapegoats in the family. Whatever i have done in life, does not seem good to my mum . she loves her grandkids, but only does things on her terms. If i contact her after a few days, she gives me a go for not ringing her. I help her now and then financially but she is never happy with me. Lately she caused a drama with my sibling about my wife. Being married over 21 years she still does not accept her. I feel im fighting a loosing battle… Read more »
alexi
2 months 25 days ago

hey ignore her and tell her that you love ur wife and tell her “if u love me, wouldent u care about me being happy?”

-----
3 months 8 days ago

Check this out – http://realideas.comxa.com

Gemma
Gemma
2 months 29 days ago
I don’t think cutting them is the answer as it will only hurt you and them unnecessarily. Just be aware of how they treat you and rather than reacting to it, which is what I did for years, choose a measured response and choose your own happiness. Be who you want to be and do what makes you happy. They can only upset you if you let them. My Mum has no confidence, is a very critical person and doesn’t support me or encourage me. I discovered it’s not that she doesn’t love me, it’s because she doesn’t love herself… Read more »
Neva
Neva
2 months 26 days ago

Now I realized my parents never loved me, they only used me and even today trying that. I have only brother who also only obeys my mother’s direction. All other relatives whether maternal uncle-aunts or paternal, no one is nice/emotional to me and on some note they are influenced or they know me as my parents’ child.
As a whole I have no one as a relative/closed one.
Only thing, my relationship with my husband is good.

Sometime I don’t understand, what to do with my parents, my brother and other relatives?

alexi
2 months 25 days ago
Hey, so i never thought that my family would lead me to this type of website. so my family have not just been dragging me down but has also been showing more love to my younger sister,melody. i know it mak3es me sound like a huge brat but whenever my sister asks for something, WHA la! she has it. i remember how excited i got one birthday about getting new nyx lipsticks! but then when they day came my fam forgot to wrap the present. and my present was a pink phone case. THATS ALL. my sister on the other… Read more »
donna
donna
2 months 21 days ago
I told my family that i was going to live with my boyfriend in February this year. He’s from England and im from northern ireland. I knew that this would be a huge thing for my family to take in as ive always been the quiet little home bird. Before i continue, i should state that i love my family so much and i will never stop that love. When i told them about the move, i was extremely nervous and i didnt handle it very well. My mum and my sister both thought that i was insensitive in the… Read more »
Gemma
Gemma
2 months 12 days ago
I understand how you feel and it made me realise that I’m in the same boat. I give a lot of emotional support to my family and don’t get any back. The only one who understands me in my family is my older brother and he has bipolar. Sadly his illness stops him from being happy and feeling normal most of the time. I think once you mature, as in get older, you do come to understand the situation a little better (I’m 36 now so I’ve had time and space to process & come to terms with my family… Read more »
Nitika
Nitika
2 months 9 days ago
As you see, my parents are good human beings and decent people yet we argue everyday.But while arguing if the person is so adamant unable to perceive your feelings and ideas there is no fruitful outcome.I sometimes wish to run out of my home, mais they are my parents and have provided and guided me with everything.You see there is nothing entirely wrong but there is something wrong in everything. I’ve my own set backs and notions in la vie.But everyday all I do is get angry and have been lashing out at them.My mind is not at peace.My college… Read more »
Viswa
Viswa
2 months 7 days ago

God they really pester me in my family I said going with frnds on tour is different from going with u which our school conducted I am really disappointed and hate my family I am 16 years old and they if u go there something will happen to u SUGGEST ME SOME RELIEF OR SOLACE

nat
2 months 5 days ago
My parents and sibilings found out that my boyfriend and I had sex and now they do not like him we have been dating for a long time and I know he is the one but my family is so unsupportive I am so lost I am so in love with him and won’t and will never leave him we were litterally made for each other but feel so upset that they cannot see how truly wonderful he is to me and how much he loves and respect them. He has been quite upset feeling as if it is his… Read more »
Pat
Pat
1 month 27 days ago

I have become jobless and need housing. My brother & sister do not want to take me in because of my cats. My sister just went through a sudden death of her husband and could use my help. however, she chooses to call a homeless shelter on me THINKING i can get an apt through them. I know i would be put in a homeless shelter 1st and would lose my cats. She is a hoarder and has a very messy house. I would lose EVERYTHING.

Omar
Omar
1 month 11 days ago
His guys, I’ve been really consistent with my training since January and everything. Last night I grilled chicken after my workout but I forgot to turn off the stove as I was worried that I had the meal little late. So as I was enjoying it my sister went to the kitchen and shouted “The stove is on!” My mother raged about it and I was like oh shit. I was fine with her being mad it’s really a horrible mistake and all, she called me names and stuff I’m fine with it. BUT, what I am not fine with… Read more »
Braedon Fishbaugh
Braedon Fishbaugh
1 month 9 days ago

My parents tell me all the time that I can’t do nothing right they dot say that really but that how they trate me and I try make them see what they have done to me evertime i do they get pissed with me trate me like shit they also shit on my opinions and my dreams and everything

Ivonne
Ivonne
20 days 9 hours ago

I went home and cried then I got angry. I the end I am going to do it because its my life and I want to.

Ivonne
Ivonne
20 days 9 hours ago

How do you deal with unsupportive family members?

Lea
Lea
19 days 8 hours ago
I signed up for drama club and my mom keeps saying how she hates drama and doesn´t like it and why I don´t just do a sport. Instead of being there to support me she just puts me down. I don´t wanna quit and I won´t. But how will I make my mom understand?? PLEASE HELP!! This is something I really enjoy but my mom can´t see that. She´s always rubbing it in my face how I WAS an extra and telling me why I would wanna do it if I don´t get a good part. Even if I do… Read more »
Mein
Mein
17 days 15 hours ago

What the hell did you care about? Why? Did you ever help them out to get rid them out of there miserable life? Have you ever put your self in there shoes why they act like they do? There must be a valid reason. And why not mind your own problems in life instead of invading in other peoples life.

Mein
Mein
17 days 14 hours ago

Maybe that is the reason why you choose me?! Because you take advantage of my situation in life knowing i had a miserable family and i had no choice but to go outside and work my butt out so you could make some music out of my life and getting ideas for entertainment industry. Why? What benifits do i get from that apart from enviding on my privacy and exposing every single of details in OUR LIFE. Do i get paid for that? Hell no.

Roberta Romine
Roberta Romine
10 days 6 hours ago

Always have done my best to help my demanding family, now am in serious bad health issues. I get promised they will go to Hospital with me, then they back out last minute. Then put me down to people I know…to which I am grateful they know me. I wish to move away so I can be closer to the hospital I need to go to several times a year.

ATUL NARANG
ATUL NARANG
7 days 22 hours ago
See! Family is invaluable to most of us and when they don’t support, it is like Game Over for most of us. I don’t know how many dreams that have got killed this way on the name of wishing good for children. For instance, my high school Bio Teacher said, she wanted to become a scientist, but her parents married her off. If we go on counting instances like that, there would be a hundred million dreams atleast that had real potential, not just by lazy people, but the ones with real potential where the person actually had the will… Read more »
rosa
rosa
6 days 6 hours ago
I have a mom always talking good about two sisters I have and she always defend them if I try tomsay something like yeah but she wanted that way or yeah she is tire for doing that and not let in her daughter doing it . Then she always saying that she always missing the other grand children and how they are like better then my one year old baby girl . Is hard for me when they prefer my younger sister my older sister only have pictures of her children and her husband’s family menber and then only pictures… Read more »
Neva
Neva
2 months 18 days ago

thanks, but I don’t think my parents and my brother will ever understand, because they only care about their feeling.

PSA
PSA
2 months 12 days ago
I completely agree–if I filigreed out everything negative and put down my mother and grandmother and father said to me, there would be nothing left. I don’t bother asking for their help anymore…and I quote my mother “your 27 why would I support you??” She spat (when asked to support me EMOTIONALLY in my decision to regroup at home and get back on my feet….I work Two full time jobs and have an 8 month old…I have never asked for money from them even though they have more than enough to go around). If you stay around toxic people, their… Read more »
Anon
Anon
2 months 9 days ago
Exactly! I’m learning to keep my mouth shut too, when it comes to my family. especially my mom (and some friends too). My mom and I don’t have a good relationship, and I could careless what she thinks of me. My beloved father passed away when I was six years old, and she has never been a good parent, allowing me to be abused and neglected as a child. I went to university (she was against it) and received my bachelor’s degree. Funny, but she started bragging to people when I got my degree, when she was the main person… Read more »
Princess
Princess
1 month 12 days ago

Totally Agree . Well stated

Princess
Princess
1 month 12 days ago

Agreed . Forgiveness is just one part of the equation. Making a change a quick change sounds like a good idea to me .Based on your description of the matter .

jack
jack
13 days 14 hours ago

AMEN

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