How to Take Control of Your Life in 12 Actionable Steps

Taking control of your life starts with systems: mastering your calendar so your days reflect your priorities, setting boundaries that stick, and designing an environment where good decisions happen naturally. 

From there, you focus on what you can control—your time, energy, and responses—while cutting out distractions, weak commitments, and dead-end paths. 

The result isn’t rigid discipline but a deliberate life where your career, relationships, and health all move in the direction you choose.

Signs You Need to Start Taking Control of Your Life

If any of these feel familiar, you might be ready to make some big life changes

• You are a working professional who feels like you are constantly busy but never getting anywhere meaningful.
• You have a job, maybe even a good income, but your days feel chaotic and reactive instead of intentional.
• You are tired of saying “I’m so busy” when people ask how you are, yet by the end of each week, you cannot pinpoint what you did to bring you closer to the life you want.
• You want to stop living paycheck to paycheck, emotionally and mentally.
• You know you need systems for your life that help you make choices based on your values, not constant “emergencies.”
• You are ready to move from just surviving your days to designing them in alignment with your goals.
• You want enough control over your schedule, energy, and decisions to invest in what matters: your career growth, relationships, health, and experiences that fit your Rich Life vision.

How to Take Control of Your Life

Taking control doesn’t mean becoming a productivity robot or micromanaging every detail. Rather, it’s about building systems that handle the basics automatically so you can focus on the big opportunities that can create lasting change—even when motivation fails. It’s about shifting from reacting to what’s happening around you to proactively designing the life you want.

Here are the key steps that can help you regain control and start living more intentionally. 

Step 1: Master your calendar, or it will master you

The first step to taking control of your life is taking control of your time—and your calendar is the most powerful tool you have. A well-maintained calendar keeps your days predictable, protects your time, and frees up mental space so you’re not juggling everything in your head.

Most calendars end up in chaos because people treat them like suggestion boxes instead of sacred documents that reflect their true priorities. To start, treat yours as a non-negotiable. Implement a strict calendar policy: If something isn’t scheduled, it doesn’t happen—or it gets moved to specific “office hours” you’ve set aside for handling ad hoc requests. This prevents other people's urgent requests from derailing your most important work.

Use time blocking to assign clear slots for deep work, email management, brainstorming, exercise, and even family time. Each morning, ask yourself: If I could finish only one thing today that would make me satisfied, what would it be? Then make sure it’s on your calendar and stick to your plan fiercely. This ensures that you’re allocating time for the priorities you’ve set for yourself. 

Christine and Thad are living the nightmare of not having control—huge debt, no systems, and endless mental stress. In this conversation, I push them to set boundaries and build structure so life stops happening to them and starts working for them.

Step 2: Build clear boundaries that stick 

When I first started working for myself, my days were chaotic. Spontaneous lunch invites, endless last-minute requests, and a lack of structure meant I was constantly being pulled off track. Ironically, I needed more constraints to create the freedom and flexibility I wanted.

It’s important to remember that setting boundaries is not necessarily the same as keeping people out. Rather, boundaries are there to keep your priorities in focus. Without clear boundaries, you end up living by other people’s agendas instead of your own. 

The real reason most boundary advice fails is that it doesn’t address the core issue: your people-pleasing tendencies. If you are afraid to disappoint others, you will always put their comfort above your own progress.

That’s why it’s crucial to set up artificial constraints to help you stay on top of things. Even if you work from home, set clear office hours and communicate them to family, friends, and colleagues. When you are off, you are completely off. Use tools like StayFocusd to block distracting sites during work hours and Freedom to block social media during personal time.

Remember that boundaries only work if you enforce them consistently. Otherwise, they’re simply empty promises to yourself.

Step 3: Use the "Hell yeah!" rule for every decision

For matters that involve a yes or no choice, Derek Sivers offers a simple but powerful filter for decision-making: If you’re not saying “HELL YEAH!” about something, it should be a “no.” If your gut reaction is anything less than “That would be amazing, I’m all in,” then it is not worth your time.

This rule eliminates most of the decision fatigue that comes from overthinking. It gives you a clear emotional test for every opportunity, helping you avoid filling your calendar with lukewarm commitments. Often, we are too afraid of missing opportunities by being selective. In reality, saying no to most things creates the space for the rare opportunities that truly align with your goals and values.

When you’re learning to implement this rule, start small. Practice by declining the dinner you are not entirely looking forward to or skipping the networking event that you feel “just okay” about. Over time, you will train yourself to recognize the difference between genuine excitement and obligation.

Step 4: Design your environment to support your goals

Your surroundings shape your behavior far more than willpower ever will. Instead of relying on constant self-control, set up your space in a way where good choices can happen more naturally and bad choices are more difficult to make. 

For instance, if you want to read more, keep books where you can see them and move your phone charger to another room to avoid mindless scrolling before bed. If you want to work out regularly, lay out your workout clothes the night before, keep your sneakers by the door, and have your gym bag packed and ready to go. When it comes to digital spaces, unsubscribe from distracting emails, unfollow accounts that drain you, and arrange your apps to make productive choices the easiest ones.

This rule applies to the people around you, too. Spend time with those who support your growth and challenge you to improve, not those who keep you stuck. Surround yourself with environments, both physical and social, that make your Rich Life the natural outcome.

Step 5: Fix your sleep, and everything else gets easier

Sleep isn’t a luxury; it’s the foundation for mental clarity, emotional balance, and physical energy. When you’re running on less than six hours of sleep a night, even small tasks feel dragged out, simple decisions feel overwhelming, and you tend to be more irritable and impatient. 

Prioritize your bedtime by creating an intentional nighttime routine. If you can set an alarm to wake up, set one to go to sleep—and follow it. Most people sabotage their sleep with late-night phone scrolling, exposing themselves to blue light that disrupts melatonin production. Instead, create a phone-free bedroom and start winding down 30 minutes before your target bedtime.

It’s also important to invest in a sleep-friendly environment: blackout curtains, a supportive mattress, white noise, and a cool, consistent temperature can all help. The better you sleep, the easier it becomes to make good decisions, stay focused, and feel in control during the day. 

Step 6: Build systems that run on autopilot

Having a set routine can feel boring or repetitive, but the familiarity helps save your brain power for things that truly demand it. Automating simple choices like your morning routine, workout schedule, or meal plans frees you from decision fatigue and keeps your focus sharp.

Start by tackling one area of your life and fully systematizing it before adding another. Try mastering your mornings, then tackling your workout schedule, and finally moving on to optimizing your meal planning. Avoid trying to overhaul everything at once, as it can quickly lead to overwhelm and burnout.

Automation also applies to life administration. Set up automatic bill payments, recurring grocery orders, and pre-scheduled calendar blocks for your most important work so you don’t have to think so hard every single time you need to address them. 

Every process that runs on autopilot is one fewer decision you have to make, and one more step toward a life that runs smoothly without constant effort.

Step 7: Stop trying to control everything (focus only on what you can)

The paradox of control is that the more you try to control everything, the more powerless you feel. 

True control comes from focusing your limited energy on the areas where you have genuine influence. There are only three things you can truly control: your thoughts, your actions, and your responses to external events. Everything else falls outside your direct influence, and accepting this reality is liberating.

Stop wasting precious mental energy on factors you cannot change, such as other people's opinions, traffic delays, weather conditions, or economic shifts. Instead, channel that energy into actions that will create real results. Make it a habit to ask yourself, “Is this within my direct control or influence?” If the answer is no, acknowledge the situation and then shift your focus to what you can do.

To reinforce this, practice the “sphere of influence” exercise. Draw two circles representing what you control completely and what you can influence partially. Anything outside these circles does not deserve space in your daily thoughts.

This is not about being passive or resigned. It’s about being strategic with your time and emotional resources so you can make a maximum impact in the areas that matter most.

Step 8: Build your Rich Life vision (so you know where you’re headed)

Once you’ve decided what to focus on, you need to know why it’s important to you. Taking control without a clear destination is just procrastination dressed up as productivity. You need a specific vision of what you're building toward so you can make meaningful decisions. 

Your Rich Life isn’t just about accumulating possessions or following someone else’s version of success. It’s about creating a life where you can enthusiastically say yes to what matters to you and confidently say no to everything else.

Get specific about what control looks like in your ideal life. Maybe it’s the freedom to work from anywhere, taking spontaneous trips without financial stress, or having uninterrupted family time without work emergencies. Write down your vision in vivid detail. Describe what a typical Tuesday looks like in your ideal life. Picture your weekends. The more specific your vision, the easier it becomes to make daily choices that align with that bigger picture.

Treat this as a living document, not a one-time exercise. Your Rich Life vision should evolve as you grow and learn more about yourself. Review it every few months and refine it as your priorities shift.

Finally, connect your daily systems and habits to your Rich Life vision. When you know exactly how each habit moves you closer to that life, it’s far easier to stay consistent, even when things get hard.

Step 9: Take massive action toward big wins (not just tiny tweaks)

Most self-help advice focuses on 1% daily improvements, which are great for maintaining momentum; however, if your life feels fundamentally out of control, they will not create the breakthrough you need. Sometimes you have to make bold, decisive moves to get yourself out of a rut. 

Big wins have a compounding effect that makes everything else easier. Negotiating a $10,000 salary increase changes your life far more than skipping your daily lattes for a year.

Identify three to five areas that would make a significant shift in your life if you addressed them properly. Common areas for growth are often tied to career growth, financial stability, relationship health, or personal well-being.

Some life-changing big wins include:

• Learning high-value skills that raise your earning potential
  
• Moving to a city with better opportunities
  
• Ending relationships that drain your energy
  
• Launching a side business with the potential to replace your day job

Small tweaks may feel safer, but they often keep you stuck in the same patterns. Sometimes you need to make bold moves and accept short-term discomfort to create long-term freedom.

Looking for inspiration as you strive for life-changing transformations? Feel free to check out my article on The Big Wins Manifesto (With Real-Life Stories Inside).

Step 10: Master the art of strategic quitting

Strategic quitting means making a conscious choice to step away from paths that do not serve your vision. American culture often glorifies the idea of “never giving up,” but what if you’re climbing the wrong mountain? Then this empowering mindset can actually be destructive. The sunk cost fallacy keeps many people stuck because they don’t want to “waste” the significant amount of time, money, or effort they’ve already invested. 

But if you want to take full control of your life, you’ll need to learn to quit toxic relationships that drain your energy, dead-end jobs with no room for growth, activities that waste time without bringing joy or progress, and commitments you accepted out of obligation rather than genuine interest. 

If you’re considering quitting your job, here’s a helpful guide on how you can quit your job professionally without burning bridges. 

Every time you quit something that is not working, you create space and energy for opportunities that better align with your long-term goals.

Step 11: Build your personal board of directors

You cannot take control of your life in complete isolation. You need external perspectives, accountability, and guidance from people who have achieved what you’re working toward.

Your personal board should include a mix of perspectives, such as a mentor who is 10–20 years ahead of you in career or life experience, one or more peers facing similar challenges, and someone you mentor to clarify your own thinking.

Choose advisors strategically based on relevant expertise, rather than just general likability. This may seem obvious, but do not take fitness advice from someone who is out of shape, and do not seek business counsel from people who have never built successful enterprises.

Meet with your board members regularly, whether through formal meetings, casual coffee chats, or structured check-ins. Consistency matters more than frequency, so choose a schedule you can sustain over time.

Be clear about what you need from each relationship: career guidance, emotional support, honest feedback, skill development, or industry connections. These purpose-driven relationships can enrich your current life and help clarify your path toward the life you want. 

Step 12: Plan for setbacks (because they're coming)

Lastly, accept the fact that life will present challenges that disrupt your plans and test your systems. The goal is not to avoid all problems but to build resilience so you can recover quickly when problems inevitably pop up.

Plan for common setbacks such as job loss, health issues, relationship challenges, or financial emergencies. Having pre-determined responses reduces panic and helps you act decisively in a crisis.

Create “if-then” scenarios for likely challenges. For instance: 

“If I lose my job, then I will immediately reduce discretionary spending, activate my professional network, and start applying to target companies within 48 hours.”

These mental practices can help you gain confidence in your ability to bounce back when setbacks happen. View setbacks as data, not disasters. Ask yourself what you can learn about your systems, decision-making, or preparation that will help you handle similar situations better in the future.

In the meantime, maintain multiple safety nets, including an emergency fund, updated professional skills, strong relationships, and diversified income streams. And remember, you are not building a life without problems—you are building the capability and confidence to handle whatever challenges arise while continuing to move toward your objectives.

Why You Feel Like Life Is Happening to You (Instead of for You)

When you start losing control of your own life, you may be stuck in one of these cycles:

You're confusing motion with progress

Being in constant motion can feel productive, but activity alone does not guarantee advancement. 

Without a clear destination, you may be ticking off tasks, answering messages, and attending meetings, yet making no real progress toward what matters most; you’re running on autopilot, busy but unfulfilled.

Real progress comes from intentional action aimed at a specific vision, consistently chipping away at milestones that will lead you where you actually want to go.

You’re stuck in reactive mode

Society sells the illusion that busyness equals importance, but busy people are often the most out of control. They confuse urgency with importance and say yes to everything out of fear that opportunities are scarce. This scarcity mindset traps you in a cycle of reacting to whatever comes your way instead of intentionally shaping your life.

If you find you’re always “too busy,” it’s a signal to examine your systems and the rules you live by. Time management is rarely the real problem; it’s decision management. Every “yes” to something trivial is an unspoken “no” to something that truly matters, and most people make these trade-offs without even realizing it.

Once you start filtering out what doesn’t fit the life you want, you stop feeling like you’re just reacting and start feeling like you’re in control of your own life. 

Why Most People Stay Stuck (And How You're Different)

A lot of people confuse consuming information with taking real action. They read articles, watch videos, even sign up for courses, but never put the systems into practice. Others try to overhaul their entire life in one go, get overwhelmed, and burn out within weeks when the initial motivation fades.

The people who successfully take control of their lives start small. They focus on one system, build small wins, and stay consistent over months instead of seeking shortcuts to instant transformations. 

Ultimately, you have a choice: keep living reactively, letting other people’s priorities run your life, or take intentional steps to design the life you actually want. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond. Your reactions are within your control, and mastering them is the foundation of a truly Rich Life.

If you’re tired of being stuck in the same cycle, start taking control of your life today. Pick one system from this guide that will have the biggest immediate impact on your daily life, and commit to practicing it consistently for the next 30 days. It is a simple step, but it can be the start of the Rich Life you have been dreaming about.

If you’re ready to create life-changing transformations and take control of your future, check out my New York Times bestselling books, I Will Teach You To Be Rich and Money for Couples.