Episode 64. My boyfriend is perfect… except he’s broke
(Part 1)

Transcript

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Connie : [00:00:01] The story that I grew up with is in a regular romantic relationship. The man is chivalrous, and when the bill comes, that bill is always going to go to the man and he’s going to pick it up and pay it.

Wes: [00:00:13] So when we’re out at dinner and the check comes, and I want to pick it, up in her mind, it isn’t a good financial decision for me. So it’s kind of a catch-22 because I’m expected to pick up the check, but at the same time when I do it’s kind of, “Oh, you shouldn’t be doing that because I don’t think you can afford it.” I often feel like, well, what am I even bringing to the table here? Connie said that the biggest thing holding our relationship back was money. And so with where I am now, sometimes I even ask why even date somebody with such a huge discrepancy with money.

Connie : [00:00:55] When we talk about money, I have come across as extremely demeaning, and I think part of that has probably made Wes feel a little unworthy of being in this relationship because our balance sheets look different.

Ramit Sethi: [00:01:16] [Narration]

Connie believes that when she goes out on a date, the man should pick up the check. But in her one-year relationship with Wes, she outearns him. And when he tries to pay for the check, she tells him he shouldn’t because he should save his money. 

Today, we’re going to talk about gender roles and how they influence the way we see money. You’re going to learn about how differently Connie and Wes were raised with money and how that affects the way they treat it today.

Now, I’ve noticed that a lot of us like to believe we are logical and we make decisions because of very sound reasons. But I love this podcast because we get to have an honest discussion of how we are not logical and how psychology causes us to behave in peculiar ways. If you want to download a copy of the conscious spending plan template that Connie and Wes used on this episode, you can go to iwt.com/episode64. This is the I Will Teach You to Be Rich podcast and I am Ramit Sethi.

[Interview]

Connie, when you think about money in a relationship, what is the story that you grew up with?

Connie : [00:02:29] The story that I grew up with is in a regular romantic relationship, the man is chivalrous, and when the bill comes, that bill is always going to go to the man and he’s going to pick it up and pay it. That means he loves me, or in my dad’s situation with my mom that he’s the provider and that he’s going to take care of the family, financial provider, but also just protector of the family. It has a bigger implication than just the financial means.

Ramit Sethi: [00:02:59] What was the role of your mom in that partnership?

Connie : [00:03:02] Ironically, she made more money than my dad. But her role was to love him and to be grateful for him for doing that, and for picking up, and for taking care of the family.

[00:03:16] So your mom made more than your dad, and when you went out to eat in your family, who got the check?

Connie : [00:03:23] My dad always did. He always reached for it. And if it wasn’t given to him, he always reached for it because that’s what the man does in a relationship.

Ramit Sethi: [00:03:31] And do you think that’s universal?

Connie : [00:03:35] In the story that I tell myself about what I’m looking for in my rich life, romantic relationship, it’s always there.

Ramit Sethi: [00:03:43] Got it.

Connie : [00:03:44] No, I do realize that sometimes bills are split and some women like to pick up the check and they don’t want the guy to pick up the check for them.

Ramit Sethi: [00:03:52] With your mom earning more and your dad reaching for the check, what credit card did he use to pay it off? Was he paying with his money or their money?

Connie : [00:04:03] He was probably paying with their money.

Ramit Sethi: [00:04:04] Okay. Does that muddy the story for you at all or not?

Connie : [00:04:09] Somehow it doesn’t. It got to a point where they were both very comfortable with sharing the money and they both fully trusted each other. And I grew up in a very fiscally conservative family. They were both very frugal, and I think they both implicitly trusted each other with their money.

Ramit Sethi: [00:04:31] You think they talked about money a lot?

Connie : [00:04:33] We did. We talked about money all of the time. Every single dinner that we sat down with from the time I was five, six, seven, by the time I was eight, I could tell you about the benefits of compound interest. We talked about money every opportunity that my parents had. And I love talking about money. I love talking about finances.

Ramit Sethi: [00:04:52] Were you upper middle class? Wealthy? What would you say?

Connie : [00:04:58] From the amount of money that my parents were bringing in, we were probably upper class. But that being said, we also did all of our shopping at Salvation Army because that’s where we shop. So based on our income, we were probably upper class. Based on the amount of money that we spent, we were probably lower middle class.

Ramit Sethi: [00:05:19] What was the amount of money? What are we talking about? Because the reason I ask is that I have people who have $10 million on this podcast and they call themselves upper middle class.

Connie : [00:05:29] Yes. So my mom’s a physician and my dad is in real estate. So very, very solid six figures, but very frugal with money.

Ramit Sethi: [00:05:42] And what’s their financial situation now?

Connie : [00:05:46] They’ll never have to worry about money.

Ramit Sethi: [00:05:48] [Narration]

I find her response fascinating. Notice that Connie’s parents talk to her about money since she was five years old. That’s a clear contrast to many people whose parents never talk to them about money. Put yourself in Connie’s shoes. If you had been thinking about money since you were five, how would you feel about it? How would you feel if you met a partner who was not investing in their Roth IRA, in fact, who didn’t even know what a Roth IRA was?

I also want you to notice that Connie presents the man as the provider when it turns out that her mom actually made more than her dad. Now let’s listen to Wes’s experience growing up with money.

Wes: [00:06:33] [Interview]

Well. So in my past and with past relationships, I have always been the man that has provided. I always had the most income in a household, in a relationship, and I did pick up the check and I did the grocery shopping and I paid towards the rent and I took on that weight. 

I think one thing that Connie has a bit of a problem with is she doesn’t believe that I am in good of a spot financially as she would like or ideally, would be at. So when we’re out of dinner, and the check comes and I want to pick it up, in her mind, it isn’t a good financial decision for me because it’s better for me to save my money, put it in the bank, invest it, do something else with it other than pick up the check. 

So it’s kind of a catch-22 because I’m expected to pick up the check, but at the same time when I do, it’s kind of, “Oh, you shouldn’t be doing that because I don’t think you can afford it.” It’s definitely a new dynamic for me. I often feel like, well, what am I even bringing to the table here? Connie said the biggest thing holding our relationship back was money. And so with where I am now, sometimes I even ask why even date somebody with such a huge discrepancy with money.

Ramit Sethi: [00:08:06] Can you try to answer that question for me? If you are not the financial provider, then what value do you bring?

Wes: [00:08:20] Well, right now, I suppose I bring a lot to the table as far as emotions. And I show her things that I don’t think that she’s accustomed to as far as just general intimacy and what a man can bring emotionally. It isn’t financially. I guess I’m filling some roles that I didn’t even know were roles until I’m in this relationship.

Ramit Sethi: [00:08:54] [Narration]

You can hear Wes struggling to define his role in the relationship if he’s not a provider. And this is the age-old question of the C word contribution. In relationships where one person earns much more than the other, the lower-earning partner is often obsessed with contribution. And in our culture, if it can’t be quantified, it doesn’t have value.

This person brings in $5,000 a month. That’s value. But that person organizes the household or maintains the backyard or plans events for the family or is even recovering from an illness. And suddenly we ask or they ask themselves, “Where’s the value?” Interestingly, the higher earner can reassure the other person that their work is valuable, but the lower earner is often convinced that their work isn’t seen as valuable, even if their partner tells them it is. This is much more complicated than anything you will find on a spreadsheet, and it is really frustrating for both parties.

Connie : [00:10:02] [Interview]

I was so blessed growing up with so many people teaching me how to be good with money, and I want to help impart that onto Wes and I don’t think I do it in the most positive manner. How I make him feel is that– I hate even saying this, I think I make him feel like he’s dumb and he’s not. He’s brilliant.

Ramit Sethi: [00:10:27] How do you make him feel dumb?

Connie : [00:10:28] I think I make him feel like, hey, you’re in your 30s. Who in their 30s doesn’t have a Roth setup or who in their 30s doesn’t have a 401k setup? Everyone knows that those are simple basics.

Ramit Sethi: [00:10:41] Maybe you should talk to some of the people I’ve talked to. They don’t know what a Roth is.

[Narration]

I get that Connie isn’t winning a lot of fans right now, but let’s go a little deeper. If you’ve been talking about money since you were five years old and everyone around you has been talking about it too, you can imagine why you might assume that everyone knows this. This is also why you see people of the same socioeconomic status often marrying similar people. In social science, it’s called assortative mating, and it’s become even more pronounced since the 1970s. This means that like marries like or in other words, highly educated people tend to marry other highly educated people.

Now, whether or not you agree with it, you can see how growing up with different values makes you approach the world through different lenses. I’m wondering if Connie recognizes this. 

[Interview]

That’s interesting, though, Connie, isn’t it? Because you grew up talking about money from the age of five. And so to you, money and IRAs and things like that are as common as knowing to tie your shoes or brush your teeth.

Connie : [00:11:53] Yes.

Ramit Sethi: [00:11:54] And do you realize that that’s not common for most people?

Connie : [00:11:58] I do. I realize I’ve been so blessed and fortunate with my parents, grandparents, everyone teaching me.

Ramit Sethi: [00:12:04] But it still doesn’t change the way you feel, does it?

Connie : [00:12:09] No, because those feelings are pretty ingrained deep in my psyche. Every responsible member of society should be saving and putting towards retirement and understand finances. And I know that that’s not realistic.

Ramit Sethi: [00:12:26] Do you know there’s a difference between knowing and feeling?

Connie : [00:12:29] This is something Wes brings to the table a lot better than I do.

Ramit Sethi: [00:12:33] Wes has a huge smile on his face right now, huge. He’s like, “I can’t wait to get in on this.” But just hold on a second, Wes. So, Connie, I can know something, but that doesn’t mean I feel it. I can know something, but that doesn’t mean I do it. Do you have anything like that in your life?

Connie : [00:12:50] I have been very, very caught up in my business for the last nine months. We had some personnel issues and it has been all-encompassing of my time. And because of that, I have dropped off the wagon in regards to working out daily. And I know that moving my body, it helps me feel better, look better long term health. It helps me emotionally be better. It helps every aspect of my life. And I’m so aware of that, and yet I’m not prioritizing it.

Ramit Sethi: [00:13:19] So you tell yourself all these things. They’re very rational, very intelligent reasons, but you still don’t go and get physically active, which is also important.

Connie : [00:13:34] It’s probably more important. I have one body.

Ramit Sethi: [00:13:37] Yeah. So now that you feel that dissonance between what you should do or what you want to do and what you’re not, how do you think that might apply to Wes in his relationship with money?

Connie : [00:13:53] He does the exact same thing. But there’s things that he probably knows it would be more beneficial to save, but there’s excuses and reasons as to why he’s going to make decisions that go towards his rich life as opposed to savings. And he can give good excuses for them too.

Ramit Sethi: [00:14:11] Yeah, maybe they’re excuses. Maybe their reasons. I don’t know, excuses feels very negative to me. So I don’t like to give them that kind of value because, yeah, reasons. Now I have a question for you. It’s a little provocative, Connie. What if Wes got frustrated with you for not being physically active? And every Saturday he came into your office and he started knocking on the door and saying, “Why don’t you get outside? Go for a hike. You need to do this. It’s not serving you. You’re disappointing me.” How would you feel about that?

Connie : [00:14:44] Horrible, resentful. y personality, I would intentionally go away from it specifically because he was pushing it on me.

Ramit Sethi: [00:14:55] Wow. And what does that make you realize, if anything?

Connie : [00:15:03] I really hope I’m not doing the same thing to him.

Ramit Sethi: [00:15:06] Connie, that’s exactly what you’re doing. I doubt it’s intentional, but that’s the effect you’re having on Wes. I’m curious how he thinks about his money. Wes, where are you with your finances today? How would you describe yourself?

Wes: [00:15:23] I would describe myself as doing better now than I ever have in my life. And of course, I just started my own business about a year and a half ago. And I have an income that I did not think was ever– not ever, but I did not think was as near future as it is actually right now.

Ramit Sethi: [00:15:47] Okay. So how much do you pay yourself every month?

Wes: [00:15:53] In the past three months, I have paid myself a little over $2,000. But it’s better than what I’ve done in the past, which was just have a job that when I was working eight, 10, maybe 12 hours a day and– 

Ramit Sethi: [00:16:09] What are you doing?

Wes: [00:16:09] I’m a welder.

Ramit Sethi: [00:16:11] Okay. And how much were you getting paid as a welder?

Wes: [00:16:14] I was getting paid on just a regular 40-hour week, $1,300 a week net.

Ramit Sethi: [00:16:22] How much annual income were you making back then?

Wes: [00:16:25] 60 plus. 60, 70, somewhere in that range.

Ramit Sethi: [00:16:29] So I’m curious because you were making more as an individual when you were working as a welder than you are now taking home roughly $2,000 a month.

Wes: [00:16:44] Yes.

Ramit Sethi: [00:16:46] But you told me, “I’m making more than I ever thought. I feel great about money.” Can you explain that to me?

Wes: [00:16:52] Sure. Like I said, okay, just September this year, I’ve probably bought $60,000 worth of equipment for my business. Now, it’s not net, but that’s assets I’ve put towards my business that’s going to make it better and stronger and more capable and it’s actually things that I absolutely must have to continue doing what I’m doing.

Ramit Sethi: [00:17:15] Okay. And day to day, where do you spend your money?

Wes: [00:17:21] So, I really don’t. My largest expense is probably food. I have to feed myself. Other than that, I don’t buy clothes very often. So I live at home with dear old mom. And so I’m not paying rent, but I am helping her out. So it’s not like I’m staying here free really. And insurance, everything like that comes out of my business account. The gas for my vehicles comes out of my business account, everything else. So day to day, I don’t spend a whole lot of money on myself. That’s why I’m able to pay myself so little.

Ramit Sethi: [00:17:56] Got it. And what’s the future of this? Right now, you’re paying yourself basically 2,000 a month, but you have very low expenses. Where do you see this going in six months, a year, etc?

Wes: [00:18:10] Fortunately, I found myself in a position where I somehow landed a seven-figure contract and I stand right now to make roughly I’m going to say about $300,000 net over the next 6 to 8 months. And so I imagine that with that, I’ll be paying myself a little bit more than $2,000 a month.

Ramit Sethi: [00:18:31] How much?

Wes: [00:18:33] I would love to pay myself closer to perhaps even 5,000 a month. Not that I need it, but it would just be there to put into savings or investments or what have you, things that I haven’t been able to prioritize in the past.

Ramit Sethi: [00:18:45] Talk to me about how you grow up with money. What do you remember your family talking about with money? What was the financial situation of your family when you were young?

Wes: [00:18:55] So we really didn’t have. It’s quite the stark contrast to Connie over there. We didn’t talk much about money at the dinner table. It was more politics and things of that nature. So really, I didn’t know what a Roth or IRA was. I didn’t know how 401k work. I didn’t know any of that.

Ramit Sethi: [00:19:16] [Naration]

Just a quick pause to highlight how families with money talk about money regularly. You’ll hear this over and over on this podcast. On the other hand, families without money or those who see money as a source of stress, guilt, and shame, they don’t talk about money. Why would they? In their eyes, money is a bad thing and that leaves their children defenseless as they grow up, never having discussed it. Talk to your kids about money.

Wes: [00:19:48] [Interview]
My dad would take us out to dinner, every other Friday, something like that, take the family out to dinner. And he would always pick up the bill because that was just how it was. And he had his own business and he was doing well. But we didn’t really talk about money at all. And as a matter of fact, he went into an incredible amount of debt.

And in 2008, when everything collapsed, it just imploded. And so that failed. So I don’t really have any influence from my years as a younger individual on how to handle money at all. So just what I’ve done, I’ve learned more, what not to do more than what to do.

Ramit Sethi: [00:20:43] Wow, this is so interesting hearing both of your different backgrounds with how you grew up with money. Do you both find it interesting or do you find it just aggravating?

Wes: [00:20:54] I think it’s interesting. I bring it up probably more than she does.

Ramit Sethi: [00:20:57] You do?

Wes: [00:20:59] Yeah. I tell her. I’m like, “Look, you have such a different background on it.” I just don’t know these things because she’ll ask me like– I’m genuinely interested in pursuing it. I’ll ask her about ETFs and I’ll ask her about investments and why not mutual funds, why not this Because I feel like she is the font of knowledge.

Ramit Sethi: [00:21:20] These are good questions. Great. Those are pretty intermediate-level questions, honestly. And how does Connie respond when you ask those questions? How do those conversations go?

Wes: [00:21:30] Sometimes I feel a little sheepish to ask, and there are the ones like, well, that’s an obvious Google, just to take some time out of your day and just figure it out. I know she mentioned that sometimes it comes off as demeaning.

Ramit Sethi: [00:21:51] Does it to you?

Wes: [00:21:54] A little bit yeah. Because just some of the ways that she works, it makes me a little less apt to ask the questions. I know before I was like, wow, I’m dating this superstar that knows all these things. And it’s like, oh, let me just get as much knowledge as I can on the situation. It was like, I don’t even know that I really want to ask this. Let me maybe Google it first.

Ramit Sethi: [00:22:17] Can you think of a time where you asked a question and the response you got was not the kind of response you were looking for?

Wes: [00:22:25] Sure. I remember I had recently opened a Roth or we had talked about opening up a Roth IRA, and she was like, “Hey, you should just go do that.” So I did, and I was asking questions about, well, through who do you use your Roth or what benefits is this and why this over this, whatever it was. And I remember the answer being so flippant. I don’t remember the answer, but I just remember it just being so like– I was like, “Oh, I shouldn’t have even asked that question.” I feel like that’s something I should have known already. Let me instead of asking, just go research.

Ramit Sethi: [00:23:08] So when Wes comes to you and asks a question about ETFs or something like that, what goes through your mind before you even answer? What do you feel when he comes to you with one of these questions?

Connie : [00:23:20] My first thought is that I’m proud that he’s asking the questions because I know that it’s a big change for him with where he was two years ago. And so I love that he’s asking the questions. And like the other day, we had a whole conversation about why ETFs and target date funds were better than mutual funds because of the expense ratio. And he was Googling some stuff and we were talking about it and it was a great conversation, but I do know there are some times that I definitely come across as, “How do you know that?”

Ramit Sethi: [00:23:55] How do you know? Is that what you come across as?

Connie : [00:23:57] How do you not know that? And I know that there’s no– I need to get rid of that. I need to get rid of that.

Ramit Sethi: [00:24:05] I mean, do you know how to weld stuff?

Connie : [00:24:07] I had no friggin clue.

Ramit Sethi: [00:24:09] Do you know how to weld different– I don’t even know what you weld, metal, or concrete. I don’t even know those clearly. So let the blind try to lead the blind. Do you know how to weld concrete to algae? No. So let’s just play this out. Watch this. Watch this. Wes, I’m going to be Connie, who has some questions about welding. And then you be you. Just do what you would naturally do. Hey, Wes, I’m so curious about welding because I saw something on TV. How would you weld concrete to steel?

Wes: [00:24:46] It’s not possible. There’s no way you could do such a thing.

Ramit Sethi: [00:24:48] No. Are you sure? Because that TV showed, there was somebody doing something– they put the thing over their eyes and then the fire came out. No?”

Wes: [00:24:59] Yeah, you just flip the rod around and use the other end.

Ramit Sethi: [00:25:03] Okay. So as you can see, Connie, I don’t even know what questions to ask. I have no context whatsoever. Am I talking about welding? Is the word fire? I don’t know the basic terminology. He joked around with me. Okay, cool. We’re all laughing. What if he had responded in a different way? What if he had been like, “That’s really, like–

Connie : [00:25:27] A dumb question.

Ramit Sethi: [00:25:28] Yeah, like, that doesn’t make any sense. And then how would you feel getting that response?

Connie : [00:25:33] It would make me not want to ask the questions anymore. It would make me lose interest in the topic. And that’s not what I want to do.

Ramit Sethi: [00:25:40] Yeah. I don’t think Wes wants to become a world-class investing expert. Wes, what are you really getting at when you ask those questions?

Wes: [00:25:51] Hey, what do you think is the best thing for me to do in this situation so that it can have a positive impact on the future and just general guidelines?

Ramit Sethi: [00:26:02] On your future, Wes, or another future?

Wes: [00:26:07] Potentially both, potentially my future because I want to know. And then potentially if we plan on moving together as partners through life, that would obviously be a benefit for both of our futures, obviously.

Ramit Sethi: [00:26:22] So really deep down, it’s not just about the ETFs when he’s asking those– I really admire that he’s asking these pretty intriguing, pretty detailed questions about investments. I mean, I’m like, gosh, I wish more people ask that kind of stuff about expense ratios. I think what Wes is really asking is how do I connect with you, Connie because I know that money’s really important to you? 

Now, Connie, your perspective is like, well, that’s one piece of a million different things you need to know about investments. But here’s the thing, Connie. You’ve been learning about this since you were five years old. And, Wes, correct me if I’m wrong, but you haven’t had a lot of people around you talking about investments and asset allocation and things like that. Is that fair?

Wes: [00:27:10] Never. Never.

Ramit Sethi: [00:27:12] You both are coming from completely different worlds.

Connie : [00:27:15] I feel like I hardly know anything. I feel like I just know the basics.

Ramit Sethi: [00:27:19] You feel that way. But to Wes, what does Wes think you know?

Connie : [00:27:25] Everything.

Ramit Sethi: [00:27:26] Yeah. And functionally, you do. For somebody who doesn’t know about an ETF versus a mutual fund, you functionally know everything. To me, Wes knows everything about welding because I know nothing.

Connie : [00:27:41] Yeah.

Ramit Sethi: [00:27:43] It’s important to know where we all stand. What’s the context.

Ramit Sethi: [00:27:47] [Naration]
Wes has some great questions. I love when people are engaged and they’re asking genuine questions. I would rather help somebody with a modest income who is truly curious about money than someone who makes a ton of money and just doesn’t really care. In fact, in time, it’s very possible that the person with a modest income will live a richer life because of that curiosity. By the way, these are the kind of conversations I have in my rich life community, which is part of my money coaching program. You can sign up at iwt.com/moneycoaching. 

Now, Wes is trying to learn, but Connie isn’t making it easy. Part of it is her story that you should just know about money, and part of it is her perspective that a man should be the provider. But I still can’t stop thinking about the fact that her mom used to make more than her dad.

[Interview]
Wes, were you surprised by the fact that her dad used to pick up the check, but it was with their joint money and her mom actually made more?

Wes: [00:28:53] A touch of surprise. A touch of, yeah, wow, I didn’t know that.

Ramit Sethi: [00:28:58] What does that tell you? How do you interpret that?

Wes: [00:29:01] That’s a good question. It tells me it’s not all on me. It’s not all on me.

Ramit Sethi: [00:29:07] Keep going.

Wes: [00:29:09] And that I have a partner there that’ll help you out. It goes a long way.

Ramit Sethi: [00:29:17] Partners. Partners. Even in Connie’s relationship and Connie’s parents relationship, where Connie herself says, “I think the man should pick up the tab.” And then we probe a little bit and we realize, well, the man was picking up the tab with his wife’s money and their joint money. That’s interesting, isn’t it?

Wes: [00:29:40] And as for something.

Ramit Sethi: [00:29:42] The story gets more complex than this simple Disney story that many of us hear. Okay. This story is about to get a lot more complicated. Let’s talk numbers. Before coming on the show, Wes and Connie filled out a conscious spending plan together. Now we’re going to look into how much they have. Connie, how much money do you have?

Connie : [00:30:10] I have enough.

Ramit Sethi: [00:30:11] Let’s talk numbers because before we get into all this stuff, I think we all need to know about your numbers. So let’s just look at your current spending. You submitted some documents to me before. Can you walk me through your net worth?

Connie : [00:30:27] It’s a little over 6 million right now.

Ramit Sethi: [00:30:34] And how old are you, Connie?

Connie : [00:30:35] 41.

Ramit Sethi: [00:30:39] Okay. So you have $6 million and we’re sitting over here talking about adding olives to our salad. What is going on right now? I’ve got to walk through these numbers just so everybody can hear all the details. Your assets are– What are your assets, Connie?

Connie : [00:30:58] And I didn’t really know how to list them in the conscious spending document.

Ramit Sethi: [00:31:02] Because there wasn’t enough space in the spreadsheet for all your assets. Go ahead, list them off to me. I know you know them, too.

Connie : [00:31:10] Well, I don’t even really count my car or my housing situation is currently very unique. So those numbers are so low that I don’t count them.

[00:31:19] What kind of car do you have?

Connie : [00:31:21] Ford Fusion that’s 10 years old.

Ramit Sethi: [00:31:24] Why does everyone drive a Ford Fusion on this show?

Connie : [00:31:26] Because they’re inexpensive and I bought it used for hardly anything.

Ramit Sethi: [00:31:30] Okay. All right. I do hate Ford, but I just want to point out, for every listener, please notice that all these multimillionaires are usually driving older cars. I just want to point that out to everyone. Meanwhile, the people who are in total financial trouble are driving these 75,000 trucks where they have no idea how they can afford it. All right, Connie, what else do you have in your financial situation?

Connie : [00:31:53] I obviously have a Roth 401k and then a significant amount in ETFs.

Ramit Sethi: [00:32:02] Your investments total are worth how much?

Connie : [00:32:04] About a little over 6 million.

Ramit Sethi: [00:32:06] Okay. And then any savings?

Connie : [00:32:10] So when I say investments, I meant that as everything that’s in investments and in cash.

Ramit Sethi: [00:32:14] How much is in cash?

Connie : [00:32:15] About half of that, which I know is probably a little bit too much, but it makes me sleep better at night.

Ramit Sethi: [00:32:21] You have 50% in cash. All right. Wes, if she ever turns that spotlight on you, you just go, why do you have a 50% cash allocation?

Connie : [00:32:29] I know. I’ve been allocating a lot into target date funds recently just because the stock market went down. And I know you can’t time the market–

Ramit Sethi: [00:32:37] Whatever. I’m not going to argue with someone who has $6 million at age 41. Fine. And how much do you make per month?

Connie : [00:32:44] Business has been going pretty well the last two or three years, so netting about 200.

Ramit Sethi: [00:32:51] Can you say that in a full sentence, please?

Connie : [00:32:54] I’ve been netting about $200,000 a month.

Ramit Sethi: [00:32:57] [Naration]

You heard that right, folks. $200,000 per month. Connie is making 100 times more than Wes every month, and she has $6 million in the bank. Can you imagine being in a relationship where your partner made 100 times more than you? And how can Connie expect the man to be the provider in the relationship if she makes 100 times more than he does? Next week, you’ll hear part two of this conversation to hear if we can get Connie and Wes on the same page and we’re going to go deeper into their numbers.

Now, Connie and Wes used a conscious spending plan, which you can get at iwt.com/episode64. And next week, tune in to hear the rest of the conversation. Here’s a sneak peek.

[Interview]
So you make 2.4 million a year income?

Connie : [00:33:53] Yes.

Ramit Sethi: [00:33:54] Your investments total are worth how much?

Connie : [00:33:56] A little over 6 million.

Ramit Sethi: [00:33:57] Okay. And Wes, have you ever been in a relationship where at the time you were making 2,000 a month, your partner was making 200,000 a month?

Wes: [00:34:06] Certainly not.

Ramit Sethi: [00:34:07] And so, Connie, if you paid for dinner with the two of you, how would you feel about it?

Connie : [00:34:12] I feel like I’m not getting what I want out of the relationship, and then I also feel like it’s irresponsible of me to let him take me out to dinner.

Ramit Sethi: [00:34:22] You want him to do exactly what you do with money. Is that fair to say?

Connie : [00:34:29] Yeah, that sounds horrible, but, yes.

Ramit Sethi: [00:34:32] But he’s not you.

Connie : [00:34:35] Yep.

Ramit Sethi: [00:34:39] Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You to Be Rich. I’m Ramit Sethi. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you haven’t read, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, my book, pick up a copy. You can get it at any bookstore or any library and it will show you the specific tactics for how to build the I Will Teach You to Be Rich system into your personal finances.