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When will men/women be honest about money — or lie?

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Some of my favorite studies from psychology are when people will not or cannot tell the truth …and they don’t even know it.

For example, we have countless studies of people eating more because of the size of the dish they were served in — but if you point this out, they will steadfastly deny it. We can’t stomach the idea that our behavior can be profoundly altered by the power of our environment (something any skilled persuader can arrange).

That’s why I’ve put together a survey that is totally anonymous. As you know, I’m going to be writing about money and gender, generally a total minefield.

Before I do, let’s start by gathering the facts.

Here’s a survey about money and gender. It’ll only take a couple minutes. I’ll share the results in a few days.

The survey is ANONYMOUS, so you can be completely honest in your answers. I will never track your answers back to you.

Here’s the survey:

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  1. There’s a lot of distance between “first date” and “several months in.”

    I wonder what Ramit is trying to analyze by forcing the choice.

    • I was wondering something similar. I think it has to do with the fact that if we are not honest the first time around (telling our partners what we really want), we usually wont be until several months later after the social mask breaks down anyway when you are more “forced” to be honest

    • Yeah, I recognized the same setup.

      My hunch is a lot of people (myself included) were drawn to the idea of being up-front and ambitious in sharing our goals on a first date, but actually do not talk about information we consider “sensitive” or “too personal.”

      Do we like to imagine ourselves as bolder than we really are?

    • I agree. If Ramit really wants honest answers, the choices shouldn’t lead people to give an answer that skews perceptions or isn’t true.

    • Also what is with the multi-select? the way it’s worded, i wasn’t sure if it meant ongoing discussion or first discussion. Probably his goal, but i think i will skew the results.. maybe?

      i am always floored that people never discuss finances until after they are married and then are surprised when there is a mountain or debt or something crazy going on!

  2. Answered, but didnt get a confirmation. I hope my entry has been sent. Oh, well.

    Question 8 : the answer is really more “it depends”. But much closer to yes than no 😉

    • I agree. Yes and no is too black and white. I might change if the situation was right. But if my gf wants to move home to Ireland, it will most likely be a no, since I don’t want to live there…

    • I got ALL the survey responses. Sorry about the 404. We are fixing that, but know that I did receive all the responses. Thanks!

  3. Yeah I got an error or something on hitting submit also. Wasn’t crazy about question 6 for which my answer would be “when you move in together/or make a large purchase such as a car together” which could be after 2 weeks or 2 years.

    • Agreed – I said “several months in” since that seemed to communicate the appropriate level of ambiguity, but it really does depend on whether you decide to live together, or make joint purchases.

  4. Mine was submitted, but that last question threw me. I wouldn’t have changed my career for my SO before the current level of commitment, but now it might be a consideration five years in.

  5. My husband and I work and go to school..he makes more than me and I’m okay with that. He needs that assurance that he’s keeping us afloat. He is very sweet and works hard while still having time for togetherness. I love him so much.

  6. Looks like we’re getting randomized surveys… I didn’t get the same questions as you folks!

    • I agree – this is a very interesting survey methdology (I do this for a living); splitting sample like this, he’ll end up with fewer ppl at each question. Hmmm…

    • I know! I am not familiar with any of the questions folks are writing about (e.g., what were they asked, that the answer could be ‘several months in’???). Hmmm…. What’s up with varied surveys?

  7. The last question was terrific – came out of nowhere. And yes, the answer is yes.

  8. Ramit,
    I changed my mind. Can you just teach me to find a great guy instead?

    • Yeah, their called dating coaches… David Wygant, Dr. Paul, Christian Carter, Rori Raye, etc.

      Seriously though… Dr. Paul deals brilliantly with the gender/money/psychology stuff in teaching it to women. Google him. He’s brilliant.

  9. Yes randomized questions because of the commentary above. Looking forward to reading on what is said, or not said. Sometimes it’s all about reading inbetween the lines too.

  10. I agree that question 8 is entirely an ‘it depends’ question. Obviously, since I work, I’m willing to trade my time for money. The answer is therefore, yes. On the other hand, I’m not willing to lose another hour of personal time a day for $10. I might be willing to lose that hour for $100 (probably, even), and I’d definitely agree to trading an extra hour a day for $1000.

    On the other hand, if I was already making 7 figures a year, that threshold would change.