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When will men/women be honest about money — or lie?

134 Comments- Get free updates of new posts here

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Some of my favorite studies from psychology are when people will not or cannot tell the truth …and they don’t even know it.

For example, we have countless studies of people eating more because of the size of the dish they were served in — but if you point this out, they will steadfastly deny it. We can’t stomach the idea that our behavior can be profoundly altered by the power of our environment (something any skilled persuader can arrange).

That’s why I’ve put together a survey that is totally anonymous. As you know, I’m going to be writing about money and gender, generally a total minefield.

Before I do, let’s start by gathering the facts.

Here’s a survey about money and gender. It’ll only take a couple minutes. I’ll share the results in a few days.

The survey is ANONYMOUS, so you can be completely honest in your answers. I will never track your answers back to you.

Here’s the survey:
http://earn1k.com/surveys/honesty

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134 Comments on "When will men/women be honest about money — or lie?"

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Brandon Adams
Brandon Adams
4 years 3 months ago

There’s a lot of distance between “first date” and “several months in.”

I wonder what Ramit is trying to analyze by forcing the choice.

Jon
4 years 3 months ago

I was wondering something similar. I think it has to do with the fact that if we are not honest the first time around (telling our partners what we really want), we usually wont be until several months later after the social mask breaks down anyway when you are more “forced” to be honest

Dano
Dano
4 years 3 months ago

Yeah, I recognized the same setup.

My hunch is a lot of people (myself included) were drawn to the idea of being up-front and ambitious in sharing our goals on a first date, but actually do not talk about information we consider “sensitive” or “too personal.”

Do we like to imagine ourselves as bolder than we really are?

Kristal
Kristal
4 years 3 months ago

I agree. If Ramit really wants honest answers, the choices shouldn’t lead people to give an answer that skews perceptions or isn’t true.

kate
4 years 3 months ago

Also what is with the multi-select? the way it’s worded, i wasn’t sure if it meant ongoing discussion or first discussion. Probably his goal, but i think i will skew the results.. maybe?

i am always floored that people never discuss finances until after they are married and then are surprised when there is a mountain or debt or something crazy going on!

Pasadena
Pasadena
4 years 3 months ago

Answered, but didnt get a confirmation. I hope my entry has been sent. Oh, well.

Question 8 : the answer is really more “it depends”. But much closer to yes than no 😉

Mathias
4 years 3 months ago

I agree. Yes and no is too black and white. I might change if the situation was right. But if my gf wants to move home to Ireland, it will most likely be a no, since I don’t want to live there…

Dizzy
Dizzy
4 years 3 months ago

Yeah I got an error or something on hitting submit also. Wasn’t crazy about question 6 for which my answer would be “when you move in together/or make a large purchase such as a car together” which could be after 2 weeks or 2 years.

Marianne
Marianne
4 years 3 months ago

Agreed – I said “several months in” since that seemed to communicate the appropriate level of ambiguity, but it really does depend on whether you decide to live together, or make joint purchases.

Katie
Katie
4 years 3 months ago

Mine was submitted, but that last question threw me. I wouldn’t have changed my career for my SO before the current level of commitment, but now it might be a consideration five years in.

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years 3 months ago

My husband and I work crummy.jobs and go to school..he makes more than me and I’m okay with that. He needs that assurance that he’s keeping us afloat. He is very sweet and works hard while still having time for togetherness. I love him so much.

Kirsten
Kirsten
4 years 3 months ago

Looks like we’re getting randomized surveys… I didn’t get the same questions as you folks!

Viv
Viv
4 years 3 months ago

I agree – this is a very interesting survey methdology (I do this for a living); splitting sample like this, he’ll end up with fewer ppl at each question. Hmmm…

Claudina
Claudina
4 years 3 months ago

I know! I am not familiar with any of the questions folks are writing about (e.g., what were they asked, that the answer could be ‘several months in’???). Hmmm…. What’s up with varied surveys?

Jackie
Jackie
4 years 3 months ago

The last question was terrific – came out of nowhere. And yes, the answer is yes.

Michele
Michele
4 years 3 months ago

Ramit,
I changed my mind. Can you just teach me to find a great guy instead?

Athena
4 years 3 months ago

Yeah, their called dating coaches… David Wygant, Dr. Paul, Christian Carter, Rori Raye, etc.

Seriously though… Dr. Paul deals brilliantly with the gender/money/psychology stuff in teaching it to women. Google him. He’s brilliant.

Moe
Moe
4 years 3 months ago

Yes randomized questions because of the commentary above. Looking forward to reading on what is said, or not said. Sometimes it’s all about reading inbetween the lines too.

Lee
Lee
4 years 3 months ago

I agree that question 8 is entirely an ‘it depends’ question. Obviously, since I work, I’m willing to trade my time for money. The answer is therefore, yes. On the other hand, I’m not willing to lose another hour of personal time a day for $10. I might be willing to lose that hour for $100 (probably, even), and I’d definitely agree to trading an extra hour a day for $1000.

On the other hand, if I was already making 7 figures a year, that threshold would change.

Yessey
Yessey
4 years 3 months ago

My family reversed the stereotype. I work in the banking industry and my husband is a stay at home father.

Jennifer Mc
Jennifer Mc
4 years 3 months ago

We do this as well. My husband gets nasty comments from other men.

HL
HL
4 years 3 months ago

I agree about not liking the “several months in” answer – it’s what I chose, but my real answer is “when it feels like the relationship is getting serious/going to last for the foreseeable future.” When I was casually dating or in relationships I wasn’t sure would last, I wouldn’t have been comfortable disclosing a lot of info about my finances.

With respect to career changes, the one time I even vaguely considered it, things ended quite badly (unrelated reasons). Lesson learned with no real damage, fortunately, but it’s not something that has crossed my mind since.

Nichole
4 years 3 months ago
My hubby and I fluctuate as we both freelance. Constantly up and down. As a woman, I just can’t give in and let my hubby handle the finances. It’s not comfortable to me, so I choose to work because I like it. Plus I can do what I want to/need to with the money and don’t have to explain or justify it to anyone. That’s just my opinion though. I used to bust-ass at work until the point of complete exhaustion and burnout for the sake of cash MONEY; NOT worth it anymore. As long as the bills are covered… Read more »
Beth
4 years 3 months ago

I remember reading an article written by a writer for the Isthmus in Madison, WI, who was married to another writer. They took turns having “responsible health insurance jobs” and writer jobs every few years. I thought it was a very civilized situation and sounds a bit like what you and your husband have. Nice!

Christina @ Northern Cheapskate

I’m far more interested in whether a person has goals, ambition, and puts that talk into action, than I am in how much money they earn. If I would have judged my husband on his income, I would have never gotten married… he was a poor, 18-year-old college student!

Jay S
4 years 3 months ago

Randomized surveys OR different surveys for men/women in a relationship.

Alan
Alan
4 years 3 months ago

Ramit,
There is some very interesting gender information in a series of books written by Alan and Barbara Pease. Definitely worth the read. Easy to find on ebay. They are aimed primarily at people relationships. And making them smother by understanding more about the opposite sex. Seems many things are hard wired instead of being instilled during upbringing. They can add a depth to this project.

Thanks,
alan

Princess
Princess
4 years 3 months ago
The answers to these questions are not so simplistic. When I first start dating someone, I don’t need to know what their credit scores are. Thru conversations, their behavior, assets they own, activities they do etc. I get a sense of how responsible they maybe and what’s important enough for them to spend money on. If I think there is ‘long term potential’ then factors like – do they have a job, are they cheap about things that are important to me, etc. start to become important. My expectation about the first date is based on who asks. If I’m… Read more »
Li
Li
4 years 3 months ago

One change I would make to the survey is the part where it asked whether a person negotiated their salary or not: For government employees, the salary is set (ie. Military pay scale is determined by rank and time of service, civil servant pay scale is determined by GS level such as GS09 or GS14). Maybe insert a follow-up question like “Could you negotiate your salary” or “If you stated ‘No’ in the last question, please explain why”.

JustPeachie
JustPeachie
4 years 3 months ago

Wow, these comments are interesting. My questions were so boring compared to the ones described above!

Stacey
Stacey
4 years 3 months ago

Am I willing to change my career? I went from being a Unix admin to a stay-at-home mom. So, uh, yeah.

Jen
Jen
4 years 3 months ago

I would have liked an option in between “First date” and “several months in” as far as discussing money. Goals, yes, that seems fine for the first date, but …

also, for people who are older (middle aged, & beyond!) there’s a distinction between “assets” and “income” …. you can live pretty well without a huge income if you’ve set yourself up in an affordable lifestyle

Athena
4 years 3 months ago
A dollar has no gender and no sex organs. People, who have brains with opinions and other stuff, like to make up things about sex organs and dollars. In the end, a lot of that stuff is just “battle of the sexes” excuse-making. People with brains DON’T LIKE looking at their own lying, justifcations and excuses, especially when those things give them a payoff. Women and men both do it, and it takes a lot of psychology/consciousness work for years to truly get at removing or transforming our own stuff and scraping our excuses off of a dollar bill. And… Read more »
Ryan Chaffin
4 years 3 months ago

As a newly married college student, I am excited to see the results of this survey! I am very curious!

Holly
Holly
4 years 3 months ago

The last question wasn’t really clear. I wouldn’t change my career for my partner, because he told me to, but I would change to help us achieve our goals.

Allison
Allison
4 years 3 months ago

I don’t like discussing income, but I can’t seem to get guys who hit on me to zip the lip – any tips? I don’t need to know how much you earned last year, and I would love to buy half the first date. To me, it feels more open ended and casual if I’m just trying to get to know you.

Mike
Mike
4 years 3 months ago

I would wager that he has different versions of the survey, and the point is that people will answer the same question differently (I’m guessing it’s the one about whether men or women manage money better) based on which other questions were in their version of the survey.

Kellyologu
4 years 3 months ago

I would love to see the variety of surveys after you are finished with this experiment.

Joanna
4 years 3 months ago
Reporting on surveys like this is so dangerous. Unless Ramit is highly skilled in gender studies, he should be careful about reporting these results. A non-academic study of how African American men manage their finances vs. how Caucasian men do would be frowned upon, and it should be no different in ‘comparing’ genders. What’s to compare? The rhetoric of the “battle of the sexes” does nothing to advance our society. What could you possibly conclude? That the presence of a vagina makes one less likely to invest confidently? Come on. The better question is WHY we — men *and* women… Read more »
Jon
4 years 3 months ago

Just like there are physiological differences between male and female, there is also fundamental differences in the way that men and women think.

Charis
Charis
4 years 3 months ago

Joanna, why are you assuming that the results would end up favoring men?

Jeff Smith
Jeff Smith
4 years 3 months ago

the last question should have an option of maybe, because it’s a question of how much time versus how much money…

DJ
DJ
4 years 3 months ago

How many different surveys are out there? Most of the comments don’t align with the survey I took.

Cathie
Cathie
4 years 3 months ago

The last question could be answered eather way. If one was doing something that had meaning for themselves than having less free time wouldn’t matter as much.

Kalyani
4 years 3 months ago

There seems to be one question only? And one possible answer!

Moo
Moo
4 years 3 months ago

When do we lie? When we’re speaking and/or thinking, of course! When does anybody want to hear, think, or even see the truth? Of course, that’s assuming “the truth” can be broken down to one thing or even understood by minds as simple as ours.

What? The survey? Eh, they’re all the same.

SKG
4 years 3 months ago

I agree with the majority of folks about question #8. I wish I could respond “maybe” and offer examples of when I’d be willing to trade more money for less personal time and when I’d be less likely (or not at all likely) to do so.

Andrea
Andrea
4 years 3 months ago

You did not allow for nonbinary gender. And if you are assuming all relationships are straight I shall be quite cross.

Jen
Jen
4 years 3 months ago

Yeah, I was kind of like, “you’re missing a golden opportunity to see how much of the man/woman differences are based on heterosexual relationship expectations!”

Caroline
Caroline
4 years 3 months ago

Funny that I’ve started trying to think in the mind of Ramit, thinking about how my answers would be interpreted. Especially when answering Q.7 “Who do you think is better at managing money”

Cokie
4 years 3 months ago

If I have a romantic interest in a man, I’m more likely to let him pick up the tab, if he offers. I will always pay for myself if my interest is only platonic. And I think it’s a good idea to split on the first date, no matter what the dynamic is.

Linda Caroll
4 years 3 months ago
Interesting. I saw 2 versions of the quiz by loading different browsers, and there are questions posted in comments that I didn’t see on either. Which means there’s at least 3 versions of the quiz, possibly more. Makes me wonder if each version will have the same number of respondants and how that affects the overall “results”… IMHO, I don’t think it’s possible to tie financial capability to a gender any more than it’s possible to tie “parenting” or “eating veggies” to a gender. For every man or woman who is good with money, there’s another who is a trainwreck.… Read more »
Alex
Alex
4 years 3 months ago

“Would you change your career drastically for your significant other?”

Honestly I’d say no, but I have done it…. 2 times….

Right now I’d say no, but when you’re in love… the heart speaks louder than the mind.

kate
4 years 3 months ago

haha exactly, the ones i have experienced – i answered as i have done (does money matter? i would have said yes, but umm i am the single provider and my husband stays home with the kids – i did not see that coming at twentysomething!)

Josh
Josh
4 years 3 months ago

The title of this post doesn’t make sense.

PB
PB
4 years 3 months ago

Thequestion about the timing of discussing finances should have a response somewhere between first date and several months in.

Diane
Diane
4 years 3 months ago

I thought this was a joke. With it being about honesty (or lack of) I submitted answers that were opposite to what I thought.

Delia
Delia
4 years 3 months ago
I like that the questions were different for each person. I think Ramit makes an honest point in helping people look at objective data as results to questions asked of both genders. Just like we all say we save more, eat healthy and work out umpteen times a week, the facts don’t lie and people often like to put more euphemisms in their life story than are actually true or possible 🙂 just put your gym bags in your cars, pack and date your bag lunches and automate your finances so you can get out of “believing” you have to… Read more »
sonja
sonja
4 years 3 months ago

I know that studies are better when they are short one, but it came to my mind so many different answers and it seemed to me that the questions are not specific.
For example, the last question: if you earn more money and that’s why have less personal time, would it be worth it?
It all depends what is one’s priority in life…
I don’t see it as less personal time, since I would be doing something I love and probably meet other interesting people through it. So, in that way could be more quality time…

Chris
Chris
4 years 3 months ago

I’m interested in all the studies you referenced in the post, as well as any other materials you have on environment and persuasion. Please pst or email. Thanks!

Amelia
Amelia
4 years 3 months ago

I didn’t really know how to answer #4 – household income, as you didn’t specify whether this is per month or per year.

Mathias
4 years 3 months ago

True. I answered in a yearly basis, since this is an American website. In Sweden we always talk monthly income though…

Also found the one about wether I think it matters what my spouse earn. I answered somewhat, because I would be reluctant to date a student with no income but other than that I really don’t care too much…

Mrten
Mrten
4 years 3 months ago

If the survey were really anonymous you should’ve taken off the the aweber tracking codes off the links in the mails you sent out.

Suze
Suze
4 years 3 months ago
This was a bit tricky to answer as my personal circumstances don’t fit the parameters of the questions. For example, when it asks about household income I struggled; I have recently moved interstate and away from my partner of six years for work and am living in a share house. Is my household income then just my income, the share houses income, or the income of myself and partner (we still make some joint financial decisions, despite living apart)? I also think that the ‘When do should you discuss finances etc.’, that the answers would be more meaningful if there… Read more »
Suze
Suze
4 years 3 months ago

*share house’s.

Another thing I’m not sure about is income between countries. The Australian and US dollars are close to parity these days so that is not a problem. However, Australian wages are higher as is the cost of living, so my income probably appears to be better than it actually isfrom a US perspective.

tim
4 years 3 months ago

Talking finances on a first date = talking finances on a last date.

Susan
Susan
4 years 3 months ago

Really? I’ve had a number of dates where I’ve discussed investment ideas, stocks, etc, that didn’t go into specifics of personal income or assets. If finance is a subject of mutual interest, why not discuss it? Do you limit women to discussing topics such as the weather? What if you both read “Forbes” or “Wall Street Journal” and she wants to discuss an article?

Helen
Helen
4 years 3 months ago

I think that the surveys are just a way for Ramit to get us all personally invested in his gender and money topic, I don’t think that they are useful for data collection at all. Our environment is being altered by a skilled persuader, perhaps?

Rebecca
4 years 3 months ago

I currently make more than six-figures and more than my boyfriend with my full-time salary and side job combined. We talk about money a lot. When I was making less than him, he would pay for more stuff. Now that I’m making more, we split everything down the middle. I’m really interested in this series, Ramit! Can’t wait.

Liz
Liz
4 years 3 months ago

I’m in the process of getting divorced, so my relationship status and income are in major flux right now.

I also had issues with the last question … I would never change my career **for** my partner, but I might change it **for** myself taking his and our situation into account.

And “who pays for the first date” … to me, the person who asks pays. If the man asks the woman out, he pays. If she asks him, she pays.

Kris
Kris
4 years 3 months ago
I found it interesting that my survey asked about in my LAST relationship when did I talk about finances. That was the relationship that didn’t work out. Now married since 1988, we met on the fly and just went with it which resulted in a much different scenario for a “first date”. I don’t remember “talking” about finances on the first date but I believe we did communicate with each other about finances. When one stands at a counter looking at the pizza menu while waiting to order and you both look at each other when the total is called,… Read more »
Pat
Pat
4 years 3 months ago

I agree with Liz and will add that talking about finances on a first date I would think would freak out the person. After all, it’s a first date.

Daria
Daria
4 years 3 months ago

The last question is relative: how much more money and how much less personal time are we talking? (I’m a female FYI)

Diane
Diane
4 years 3 months ago

Ramit: The last question really isn’t a yes or no. It really does depend on the
circumstances. I work in a family business with aged parents-I would not
be comfortable changing jobs but I have changed jobs in the past for others.
So I anwsered with the current situation-but that does not reflect all situations:)

Ryan A
Ryan A
4 years 3 months ago

I didn’t talk with my wife about finances until after we were engaged. In hindsight I would have done it sooner but it’s not really something you can test out unless you’ve been in a lot of relationships which I haven’t.

Is past experience the best indicator of future performance? Maybe, but we also learn from our mistakes I hope.

Stephen
Stephen
4 years 3 months ago
While I don’t disagree (much), I thought it might be useful to know that it can be known to talk finances early in a relationship. You just need focus and to know where you’re headed. If you know your dating goal is to find your “other half”, then you focus on making the best communicative relationship possible. And so you talk about everything and/or anything on the first date (time and fun permitting). But yes Ryan, the important item is that you’re learning and changing. Possibly the only thing that depends on past performance is trust in current performance. Note:… Read more »
Kate
4 years 3 months ago

Thanks for the post Ramit! There must be a lot of survey versions out there, I didn’t see many discussion points from above.

MW
MW
4 years 3 months ago

Agreed. The link in my email was a different survey than the one listed above and even still there are things people are referencing that did not show up on either of those surveys for me.

Bronwyn
Bronwyn
4 years 3 months ago

I was surprised to answer that more money doesn’t sound so great if I have to work longer hours. My free time is limited enough that money won’t entice me to give up long-term free time. I might work more now and then, but to take on 10 or 15 more hours a week, I would have to be desperate for cash.

Stephen
Stephen
4 years 3 months ago
I found it interesting that “when should/did you task about finances” questions were different answer types. For Should, I checked everything except “never”. And I Did everything except never. I was able to answer “the first date” since I knew my now-wife beforehand. I date with a view to engage, and then marry; otherwise, what’s the point? (There’s plenty of bars and night clubs if you want something else). And if that’s the point, then why wouldn’t you go for success in the basic areas? If being open is going to be a problem, then there’s problems ahead. BTW, I… Read more »
Stehpen
Stehpen
4 years 3 months ago

“And I Did everything except never” should also have “, but I was only able to select one :(.”

Stephen
Stephen
4 years 3 months ago
While I don’t disagree (much), I thought it might be useful to know that it can be known to talk finances early in a relationship. You just need focus and to know where you’re headed. If you know your dating goal is to find your “other half”, then you focus on making the best communicative relationship possible. And so you talk about everything and/or anything on the first date (time and fun permitting). But yes Ryan, the important item is that you’re learning and changing. Possibly the only thing that depends on past performance is trust in current performance. Note:… Read more »
Stephen
Stephen
4 years 3 months ago

This was meant to be a reply to “Ryan A” 4 posts up, but something went wrong ;(

Stephen
Stephen
4 years 3 months ago

Ramit, can you delete this comment and replies? I’ve placed it where it should have gone…

kate
4 years 3 months ago

i’m surprised there is not an age question – i would be interested to see how some of these answers differ between twenties and forties and up (not that you would get many 80 year olds responding, but you never know!)

Lindsay
Lindsay
4 years 3 months ago
Who should pay for the first date? -> The one who did the asking out should pay. Would you change your career drastically for your significant other? -> I wouldn’t change my career per se but I would move to a different part of the country. When to discuss finances? I would prefer to talk about it immediately to avoid spending too much time on someone financially irresponsible but bringing it up on a first date could make the other person very uncomfortable or make them think I’m a “gold digger”. ( Actually I’ve had lots of experience with boyfriends… Read more »
Rich
Rich
4 years 3 months ago

For some reason, the link took me to a completely different survey. I started reading people’s posts here and thought, “What are you talking about? Those weren’t the questions on the survey?”

I don’t know how it happened, but I was answering questions about what I’d do if I inherited $25,000, whether men or women manage money better, etc.

I clicked the link again, and now it’s taking me to the same one everyone else here seems to be discussing.

Abigail
Abigail
4 years 3 months ago

Were there different surveys? My survey didn’t say anything about first dates and when money came up….??

Rich
Rich
4 years 3 months ago

Correction: the link still doesn’t take me to the survey everyone else is discussing. This one was “Money and Gender 2” and asked if I’d be comfortable if my partner made more than I did, if it would be worth it to earn more money if it meant less personal time, etc. Nothing about first dates, etc.

Are you doing this on purpose? Or is something goofed up on the back end?

Nebula "Grow Weed" Haze
Nebula "Grow Weed" Haze
4 years 3 months ago

Would I mind if my significant other made more than me? Well, that’s a tough question. I currently make more, which seems fine to me. If the roles were reversed, I’m not really sure how I would feel. As a girl, it seems like it’d be easier for me to deal. I know that for the guy I am with, that me making more money seems to have spurred/inspired him into making dramatic increases in his own earnings I guess I’ll find out soon what it’s like to make less money.

Beth
4 years 3 months ago
I like the idea that the person doing the asking does the paying on a first date. In my dating experience, I never assume anybody is going to pay a check for me: But, after experimenting a bit, I’ve found -splitting checks = sign there will be no second date. -man paying = sexy and awesome, when it is done with sincerity and good will and asking if it is okay. Man equivalent wearing a push-up bra, perhaps? And I love, love, love when I get add to the pile of relationship goodwill by offering to pay for the next… Read more »
Amber
Amber
4 years 3 months ago

Ramit
Love to see how people answered these at different ages and genders. I would have answered this survey COMPLETLY different 10 years ago. I’m sure in 10 years, I’m going to answer it differently again.

Vanessa
Vanessa
4 years 3 months ago
The last question was the one that shocked me most. It was the hardest to be honest about because there wasn’t a middle of the road answer. I was more inclined to say “yes” because I want more money, but I answered “no” because if it meant losing a *significant* amount of personal time, I would have to sacrifice the moments I have with my husband and my baby…not to mention my own personal time, and that is hard to recover from. On the other hand, if sacrificing a little personal time, would buy me enough money to then take… Read more »
DS
DS
4 years 3 months ago
I actually answered Yes because I already feel I am sacrificing a lot of my personal time for the career and income that I have. I am not blind to the fact that my industry expects 24×7 access to my time. To answer No just because I was not willing to go even further would not have been honest, and that was the point right? This is so very very subjective, someone working 25% less hours than me might feel they are already sacrificing enough too, and the guy down the hall working 25% more than I do might be… Read more »
Helga Tomala
Helga Tomala
4 years 3 months ago

I am delighted that you are writing about this. It is never mentioned!
I have observed married couples shop clandestinely. It’s insane. I was one of them myself, but never again. I am in charge of what I make and how I spend it.
There are a lot of double standards in this area, which may already contribute to this problem.

Regrettably a lot of couples marry without ever discussing this. This is a very touchy and important topic that should be discussed, but rarely ever is.
I am pleased that you opened this can of worms.
HT

jess roxx
jess roxx
4 years 3 months ago

it’s one thing to talk about goals on a first date… but what kind of braggadocio talks about income on a first date?

Akruti Patel
Akruti Patel
4 years 3 months ago

I think now days, in my opinion, it depends on the person and their relationship. Some people, however, still think they the man should carry all the weight of finance, which I disagree. It should be equally split in the sense that both partners are working.

Diane
Diane
4 years 3 months ago

After filling that out and being in the “top” income bracket, I feel like crap. We have so much “stupid” debt that we are trying to get out from under. With the large boost in salary we just got (as of this Monday!!) here to getting our crap together and making a HUGE imporvement in our Net Worth.

Stephanie
Stephanie
4 years 3 months ago
I hate that multiple choice limits your answers so much. Though I suspect the purpose was to spark conversation rather than get statistically significant results. You talk about money in small socially acceptable ways on the first date (“I’m saving up for a car because mine will only last another 2 or 3 years.”), in slightly more detail after a few dates (“I really hate being in debt, that is why I paid off my college loans in 4 years instead of 10”), and in greater detail as the relationship progresses. There is no one time when you have an… Read more »
Mary
Mary
4 years 3 months ago
There can be a huge difference between “married” and “in a relationship”. In my case “in a relationship” means living together since 1997. For someone else it might be just a couple of months. Also talking about money can vary along the relationship. We talked about money in the beginning of our relationship when we were both equally poor. Now that I’m making all the money and my “boyfriend” is jealous of that and always making unpleasant comments on it, I’ve ended up hiding all my savings from him. I’ never meantioned to him that I’m actually saving for a… Read more »
Arnica
Arnica
4 years 3 months ago

I think that the last question is difficult to answer – “changing one’s career drastically for your significant other” can mean a lot of very different things.

Nancy
Nancy
4 years 3 months ago
One of the reason’s I think it’s important to discuss money fairly early in a “relationship” (i.e. before one year), is that I want to be aligned with someone who shares the same financial goals as I do. It’s not so much about how much money someone makes it’s about how they manage their finances and if they are open about their spending. Although couples can learn about managing money together, if someone is hiding a lot about the debt they have or other critical financial information, to me that is a great big red flag suggesting that that part… Read more »
Stephanie
Stephanie
4 years 3 months ago

I think it would have been interesting to understand how much men and women care about their partner’s income is correlated to their own income. Presumably, someone making $30k cares more than someone making $200k.

Also, it would have been interesting to understand if men and women care about their partner making more money is correlated to income level as well.

Quercki
4 years 3 months ago

We’re celebrating our 31st wedding anniversary today, so the answer to “When did you start talking about money?” is “I can’t remember.”

I’m a huge fan of “The person who asks the other one out pays, unless other arrangements are discussed.”

Lisa
4 years 3 months ago
I am confused or frustrated with my husbands financials. He owns a small business and is a contractor so his income fluctuates. We are paying off debt right now and that is frustrating as w still have car repairs on older (paid off) vehicles and hard to pay off debt and take care of today’s obligations and not shop. I hate articles that tell me to not go out to lunch, buy lattes etc as I don’t do that much anyway. It’s just paying off the cards from real estate investing and a pay cut for 9 months that has… Read more »
Deacon
4 years 3 months ago

I just want you to know I was 100% honest about my answers on the survey 🙂

Erin
Erin
4 years 3 months ago
Ramit, I’m curious how you’ll analyze these data. To me, this methodology seems a bit shoddy. You say that identities will remain anonymous, but people know what you’re trying to evaluate (honesty), they know their answers will represent their sex, they know their answers will be compared against those of the opposite sex. They know who will be looking at their (anonymous) answers (i.e. you). All this knowledge is likely to influence how people answer their questions, and make the data and conclusions questionable. (This is aside from the fact that I wouldn’t have formulated possible answers to some questions… Read more »
K
K
4 years 3 months ago

Firefox & Chrome survey (the same survey):
Did you negotiate your salary, comfortable if you partner makes more than you, and would you trade time for money.

IE 9 survey
Your emotional feeling about financial matters, and personal financial topics that you would like to see covered.

Try a few more browsers, see a few more surveys. Sorry Ramit I’m a bit of a hack.

Claire
Claire
4 years 3 months ago

Just use incognito mode in Chrome.

Renee
Renee
4 years 3 months ago
I had this Ah-Ha moment this morning when I realized I had grown up around people who said, “when I’m damn good-n-ready” [Not a moment sooner] was the unsaid rest of the story. I’ve been reading books about money management and entrepreneurship for forever. I’ve attempted to launch and failed at a business that I put tons of time and money into. I was able to identify so many of my mistakes which are pretty common according to what I’ve read from Ramit about money and psychology. Which made me feel a little better, like not such a schlub. The… Read more »
Renee
Renee
4 years 3 months ago

Oh to finish my original thought.

Not until I’m damn good’n’ready, the idea has been playing on me for a long time. I’ve decided that we rarely think we are ready and waiting for someone else to launch our rocket is a stupidly long wait. We are ready when we wake up in the morning and decide we are going to step out the door into our new life. Today. I wasn’t ready…and I stepped out anyway. So far, so good 🙂

Kathy
Kathy
4 years 3 months ago
I absolutely hate that I depend on the husband for so much. And that he earns more than me. Because I hate budgeting. I hate being a Scrooge. The only way out is for me to work a full time job and go back to school. Teachers make a designated income. No one wants to pay for a hs chemistry tutor. I also have dogs, kids and a house to take care of. A year off of work to Heal from a surgery makes it that much worse. I should be grateful but I just feel frustrated and angry that… Read more »
M
M
4 years 3 months ago

When we first start talking about money:
explicitly, within the first month.
but the subject is opened and information gleaned within the first date.
Yeah, whether my partner can support him/herself matters.

Who should pay for the first date:
whoever asked for the first date.

m
m
4 years 3 months ago

hmm your questions are pretty limiting. For instance deciding to date someone based on their income – if their income is low and they have no aspirations and a deadend job and they are 27 or older then no, i wouldn’t. if their income is low as they are working towards something better- in graduate school, starting a business then yes. Seems like your questions will give you generic data that doesn’t add anything new. I’ll be interested to follow where this will go.

Amy
Amy
4 years 3 months ago

I found the options about when to discuss your personal finances rather arbitrary. Rather than a specified time, I Prefer to think in terms of the close was of the relationship and where I anticipate it going. A casual relationship doesn’t need to get much beyond who pays for what and how much we can afford when we go out together. If it looks like a relationship is serious or might get serious, I would want to talk about our financial positions and long-term financial goals.

Robert
4 years 3 months ago

I got quite a brief survey, none of the detailed questions described above, which is good. Guess we’ll see how it comes out 🙂

Michaela
4 years 3 months ago

Interesting survey. Can’t wait to see the results. Am curious as to what the survey says about us, collectively.

Rich
Rich
4 years 3 months ago

So you randomly sent us to different surveys… and then directed us all here to discuss them? Seems like a recipe for confusion and frustration. At least, those are the emotions I felt.

If you’d not asked us to discuss it, we would never have known (until you revealed it with the results). If you’d told us up front that we’d be sent to different surveys, we’d have been eagerly waiting to see what surveys others received.

As it is… confusing and frustrating.

Cherleen @ Barbara Friedberg Personal Finance

Done with the survey. As both freelancers, my husband and I do not have a fixed income but we do have a target amount for each month so that we can cope up with our savings and expenses.

Neska
Neska
4 years 3 months ago

What about LGBT couples dating? the question of who should pay leaves us out

Janine
Janine
4 years 3 months ago

your most interesting post to date! Can’t wait to see the results =o

Christian Martinez
4 years 3 months ago

For me I would depend on how much money she´s making (I think i will comfortable with 20-60% more, but more than 2 times my salary i wouldnt feel so comfortable, and also its important in how much work time she´s making that, if its 2 times my salary in less than 50% of the time I think everyone would feel a bit uncomfortable at least.

DS
DS
4 years 3 months ago
Conflicts arise also when a person is required to work more, and the significant other in their life is not supportive and understanding of their need to do so. Its not always the salary that causes marital strife but the necessary hours devoted to it. Its more socially acceptable for a man to work long hours and the woman pick up the slack with the kids and the home than the other way around. I am lucky enough to have experienced both sides of this coin. When my husband was in grad school I had to support, host study groups,… Read more »
DS
DS
4 years 3 months ago
Bah, why does the “partner earns more” question get a text box for explanation but the “would you sacrifice personal time to earn more” does not? I am very interested to see where this goes. I see some stereotypes in how my husband and I handle money, however it doesn’t tend to be on what most people say is the gender lines, more along lines of who is the spender, who is the saver, who is the long term planner, and who is the “big ideas” person. I hope you realize addressing finances and gender opens up side issues like… Read more »
John @ yourmoneytalks.com
4 years 3 months ago

I agree with Cherleen, we also do have a target amount for each month. We always do try to reach it so that we know that we’ll never be short of finances.

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