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What are the BEST examples of guilt trips you’ve ever seen?

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Hi from your Surrogate Asian Father.

As you know, if there’s one thing I understand, it’s guilt. See, I was raised by the best. (And if you’re Asian, Indian, Jewish, or basically if you have any ethnic parents or relatives, you know what I mean.)

Even if you don’t, we ALL know what guilt feels like. Sometimes it’s this nebulous feeling of things we “should” be doing…exacerbated by our parents or relatives. On the other hand, sometimes WE’RE the ones making ourselves feel guilty more than anyone else!

On tomorrow’s live webcast, I’ll be covering guilt — including some strategies to conquer it.

But I want to know the BEST guilt trip you’ve ever encountered. Was it…

  • Your parents saying, “Don’t you ever put me in an old folks’ home”?
  • Your uncle saying, “Look at Jon — he has the best grades in his whole school”
  • You realizing you hate your major in college, but feeling guilty about letting someone down if you switched?

Those are simple examples. I know with a group of weirdos like you, you have even crazier ones. Leave a comment with your best examples of guilt trips and I’ll feature the best tomorrow.

And if you haven’t locked in a spot for my presentation on guilt, you can sign up in less than 10 seconds, free.  

This is a one-time only presentation and it will not be recorded.

Enjoy the comments and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

1

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167 Comments on "What are the BEST examples of guilt trips you’ve ever seen?"

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Ryan Stephens
Ryan Stephens
2 years 6 months ago
So my mother *HATES* driving in big cities. I have no clue where this fear comes from, but she basically refuses to do it. My Dad had hip surgery two years ago in Houston (where I live) and has to stay over night for a couple of nights. My mom has the car and my apartment is about 3-4 miles away. I tell her to go straight out of the parking lot and take a right. Stay on that road until she sees the MASSIVE fountain, take a left and go straight until you see my apartment. Basically, two very… Read more »
Jess
Jess
2 years 6 months ago

This is absurd. Love is not a ‘you owe me now’. I disagree with ramit. At a certain point you become an enabler to an abusive relationship when you don’t allow that person, in this case your mother, to learn to help themselves and grow. Doesn’t mean you have to be rude, just means you need to set some serious boundaries.

Ryan Stephens
Ryan Stephens
2 years 6 months ago
I guess I fundamentally disagree with you, Jess. Was my mother’s guilt trip a little over the top? Yes. In this instance am I enabling a behavior that (to me) seems ridiculous? Probably. However we all have fears and hangups that might be ridiculous to other people and she was right. She wasn’t “cashing in” at my expense, but merely reminding me of all the things she’s done for me throughout the course of my life. That list is never-ending, by the way. Her spouse and kids have always come first. The second half of a concert won’t ever take… Read more »
Breezy Kimerly
Breezy Kimerly
2 years 6 months ago

I like you Ryan. You sound very sane in the best way.

Michelle
Michelle
2 years 6 months ago
Ryan, I am not sure how this will help. I am a mother. I am also very afraid to drive in big cities. Mainly is because I care about the car (I would hate to see I am causing financial problems). I may try it if I do not have other choices (there is always taxi service). I wanted to give you an idea that your mom is not the only mother with such fear, and it should not make us bad people. I do not do it to abuse anybody. I am just not confident in my abilities of… Read more »
Jess
Jess
2 years 6 months ago
It’s your family. Of course you will defend the scenario. But, she wasn’t just ‘merely reminding you’ like you were out at lunch and having a conversation about the past, your childhood, and your upbringing over tea. She wasn’t getting what she wanted, you proceeded to explain politely that you were out and even tried other alternatives, she still didn’t like that you were busy/not coming right away/what have you, and decided to emotionally manipulate you to get what she wanted. And she did. You didn’t get to choose that feeling. Whether you want to overlook that or down play… Read more »
Jess
Jess
2 years 6 months ago

Ramit,

The scenario laid out was a textbook example of emotional abuse, as are many many more of the comments to this post.

I stand by what I wrote and I do hope my perspective helps.

Gretchen
Gretchen
2 years 5 months ago

Ryan, you are so lucky! I wish I could give a ride to my mom.
Your only mistake was the cowboy boots. I mean really, what were you thinking.

Rachel
Rachel
2 months 6 days ago

When a parent says, remember I changed your diaper, is it OK to respond with, and if you hadnt, you would have been found guilty of child neglect?

Aimee
Aimee
2 years 6 months ago

From mom:
Go home before 7pm or else I will die from heart attack. Do you want that?

Beth
Beth
1 year 20 days ago
That is bad! I wanted an opinion. My daughter says I am manipulating her. My dad and my husbands father recently died of alzthimers disease. While she was wrapping her bf presents, casually I asked her if she wanted to to a walk in Sept. ? She instantly loudly and snotily said, “no!” I asked why its not until sept. 19th? She told me get over it. It didn’t help my husband said, well my feet will hurt, so I don’t think I will do it. He just said, he would do it! Geez. So I told them I was… Read more »
Liesl Hansen
Liesl Hansen
2 years 6 months ago
Once upon a time in the summer, my brother and I were having dinner with my parents. As we finished our plates, my mom asked us what our plans were for the evening. “Oh, I’ll probably just go out with some friends,” I said. “Yeah, I’ll be hanging out with Rob and Sam,” my brother said. “What about you, Mom?” My mom said in this “woe-is-me” voice, “Guess I’ll be doing the dishes all by myself.” My brother responded, “WELL, WHY DON’T YOU JUST SLIT YOUR WRISTS ALREADY.” My mom’s the travel agent for guilt-trips. But by this point we… Read more »
Kofi Asirifi
Kofi Asirifi
2 years 5 months ago

LMAOOOO @ your brother’s response…

Beth
Beth
1 year 20 days ago

Maybe she wanted some help doing the dishes and as all moms do ,you really get tired asking for help. Would be nice after I am sure she cooked the meal, someone offered to clear the table or put them in the dishwasher. She certainly didn’t want to go out with you. Why are adult/kids so disrespectful? Mom actually might have had a busy day, was exhausted. She might of wanted to have help sonshe could speed up her plans? No reguard for her at all, not asking what her plans are and can we give you a hand! Wow!

P
P
2 years 6 months ago

The worst guilt trip ever, is whenever my mom felt like it, she decided to tell me ” I was in the worst pain of my life for 13 hours, for you… And this is how you treat me?”

When she used this:
I talked back
I wouldn’t clean the bathroom
I didn’t want to do something
I wanted to do something

I have vowed to never ever ever say this to my kids

Alberto
Alberto
2 years 6 months ago

I’d deeply respect that vow!

Royally sucks being in the kid’s end.

Ashley
Ashley
2 years 6 months ago
I was (albeit foolishly) engaged to my college boyfriend. My mom opposed the relationship. She has a chronic illness that sometimes prevents her from being able to get out of bed, and it had flared up around the time I was engaged. She called me into her bedroom one day (stale air, curtains drawn, breathing machine running, uneaten plate of food next to her….) and told me that she had relapsed, that it was because she was so worried about me that she couldn’t sleep, and that her not sleeping had caused the relapse. She went on to say that… Read more »
Breezy Kimerly
Breezy Kimerly
2 years 6 months ago

Wow!

Ashley
Ashley
2 years 6 months ago

Yeah, that was a tough day. I did end up breaking up with that guy, but not because it was going to kill my mom if I didn’t. Her illness is legitimate, but it’s definitely exacerbated by her mental health (or lack thereof).

Janis Melnychuk
Janis Melnychuk
2 years 6 months ago

Sorry, that is rough, unfair and unforgettable

Tara Anderson
Tara Anderson
2 years 6 months ago
I tried to put in my two weeks notice at work- about 4 years ago. My boss said to me ” Are you sure you want to leave us in a potion like this? We are already under staffed, our customers would be devastated, and your the best person we have for the job” I felt so guilty like I was jumping ship. So even though I was miserable I stayed. Then it became my security blanket so I couldn’t leave. I can’t believe it took me so long to break the chains and leave. I’ve been out of there… Read more »
gordana
gordana
2 years 6 months ago

That’s interesting… something very similar happened to me. I actually gave a month’s notice but the boss said pretty much the same thing – and that came from the person who had a history of yelling at me, and from the company that never once gave me a payrise while I was in that position…
I didn’t stay. It made me firmer about quitting.

I’m usually very bad at judging people and have been guilt-tripped (successfully) many times, so it actually makes me quite grateful when somebody is being such an hypocrite (and a jerk) in such an obvious way 🙂

Breezy Kimerly
Breezy Kimerly
2 years 6 months ago
The worst guilt trip ever pulled on me was when my mother didn’t want to take me to school in the mornings so she’d convince me to play hookie by saying, “You’d rather go to school and hang out with your friends (which she knew I had exactly 0) than hang out with your lonely Momma today?” It would continue with such things as “No, no, it’s ok, I can take care of myself today.” and “Don’t worry about me.” She laid it on THICK! Good thing school was easy for me because on my surprisingly high scoring report cards… Read more »
Heather
Heather
2 years 5 months ago

Seriously? Your mom purposely had you missing school? Are you ok? I mean that sort of opens the door for much more concerning behaviors.

Devon
Devon
2 years 6 months ago

My ex fiancée’s mom used to passive aggressively guilt trip me about my weight, the wedding, her son, basically anything she could think of. Then my ex fiancée start to join in by saying things like “You owe me, I bought you an engagement ring.”

Gwen
Gwen
2 years 6 months ago

Gross. Glad to hear he’s an ex.

Gwen
Gwen
2 years 6 months ago
When I was in my freshman year of high school, I failed a semester of Biology. Not the whole year – I squeaked by for the year, but on my midterm report card I was failing by a few points. When my mom got the report card, I was at school. She drove to the school in the afternoon and as soon as the bell rang, found me and made me wait in the lobby while she talked to my biology teacher. Then she packed me into the car and spent a very tense ride asking me what had happened.… Read more »
Ashley
Ashley
2 years 6 months ago

If you don’t lay down the law and put an end to that, it only gets worse. Been there, done that, just “ruined the family” at age 30 because they’d started in on the next generation, my kid, and I all-but-severed ties. I don’t recommend waiting as long as I did.

You asked for my opinion, right? 🙂

Janis
Janis
2 years 6 months ago

Yeah, my mom has had me in tears millions of times. I’m 41 now. She is a bitter, angry lady who gets a good hit of power from taking me down a notch when she can. I figured out in the past ten years that the longer I’m away from her, the happier I am. And I can finally do that. I stay away, I don’t call back, I don’t listen to her. She is beginning to regret all the times she’s shamed me, which is …nice.

Gwen
Gwen
2 years 5 months ago

Yeah – I’m trying to put an end to it. She doesn’t make it easy…

Grace
Grace
2 years 6 months ago
I rarely feel guilty because I put a lot of thought into the pros and cons of my actions. So, the worst guilt trip for me was not something someone else did, but what I did to myself. I was living and teaching in China. On my way into work one day, I saw a man without legs laying on the ground begging for money. My translator told me not to give him anything even though it was obvious I wanted to give him a few coins. He informed me that the government takes care of injured people by paying… Read more »
Diana
Diana
2 years 6 months ago

Wow, Grace, your name suits you. That is an amazing story. Thank you for sharing! I had no idea about the “second son” phenomenon in China.

Grace
Grace
2 years 5 months ago

You’re welcome, Diana!

In China these kids get to be adults because they are hid from the system by family and friends in the villages. When the government official comes by to tally the numbers, the second sons are “just visiting relatives”.

What’s shocking is that when they get caught, the kids are taken to a sort of concentration camp where they are imprisoned and worked to death. I asked what happened there, but my translator wouldn’t answer. He said it was a sad, shameful story. =/

Leticia Lira
Leticia Lira
2 years 6 months ago

Every time my mother wants me to go with her somewhere and I say no she goes with: “If (insert friend name here) asked you to go out with them right now, you would.”
It’s funny because she knows I barely go out and I just look at her and say: “No I wouldn’t.”

Diana
Diana
2 years 6 months ago
My parents are very religious and since college I have stopped going to the church I grew up in. After graduation I moved in with my parents for a few months (avoid this at all costs in the future and for other college-aged adults!). Easter rolls around and I’m lying in bed listening to them getting ready for church. My mom knocks and comes in, “Dad would like me to invite you to church.” My dad has never been good at one-on-one personal requests. I respond, “No thank you,” and she leaves. About five minutes later my dad knocks, walks… Read more »
Jessica
Jessica
2 years 6 months ago
When I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree, I had gone to a professor I had worked with previously, let’s call her Dr. S., and used some snazzy networking to snag an internship at a science lab in Japan. Japanese workplaces use guilt trips and public shaming as a daily strategy. Two weeks into my internship, I made a mistake with something — and my superiors proceeded to chew me out, in public, while the rest of the department stared at me stone-faced. They pretty much capped the public shame with “Dr. S asked us to take you, and we wanted… Read more »
David Rutherford
David Rutherford
2 years 6 months ago

It’s not just Japan. Top-ranked Ph.D. programs in the US are like this too. I had pretty much your experience in one of those, and had to leave because it just poisoned the environment for me.

Janis
Janis
2 years 6 months ago

Jessica, great writing. I enjoyed that.

Melissa
Melissa
2 years 6 months ago

Honor thy mother & father or you will burn in hell. No joke.

Ashley
Ashley
2 years 6 months ago

Right — I’d add “conservative Christian parents” to Ramit’s list. And I say that as a somewhat-conservative Christian and recovering fundamentalist.

J
J
2 years 6 months ago
When I was a (not especially) rebellious teenager, my father used to tell me, “See what you did? You made your mother cry.” I felt bad about this until I realized that watching The Waltons on TV made her weep pretty copiously, too. He also used to tell me that I was making life so miserable that he was going to get a divorce and it would be my fault. My perception was that he was trying to raise a 1930s or ’50s style kid in the ’60s and 70s: not only was it impossible to conform to these standards,… Read more »
Shashidharan N Subramaniam
Shashidharan N Subramaniam
2 years 5 months ago
Dear J, Oh my, that was quite extreme of the people surrounding you back then. I have not experienced such a thing before, but I feel bad that you went through all that. You just need to believe that you are special and that you deserve to be treated with respect instead of being degraded for mistakes that you did not commit. Also, you may want to choose the type of people that you want to spend most of your time with as you will become like them in the future. That’s all that I could think of at the… Read more »
neel
neel
2 years 5 months ago
Hi J, Your description sounds remarkably similar to what I have had to go through with my folks. They are master manipulators and even now I have trouble distinguishing whether they are being genuine or trying to play me with guilt and emotional manipulation. Sometimes I wonder if they’ve ever had a genuine conversation with me my whole life. With my Dad there’s ALWAYS an ulterior motive for talking. At first I used to fall for the tricks and pour my heart out, only to discover that it was his ploy to learn what I was really thinking and feeling,… Read more »
Jay
Jay
2 years 6 months ago
Hey Ramit, Here is my life threatening guilt trip. So essentially, I am a senior in college and moved into a ten person house (6 women, 4 guys, 3 dogs) six months after everyone else. I knew nothing about the housemates and it was essentially blind but I really needed a new house. This worked out because most members are awesome and we get along famously. However, apparently my actual roomate has crazy-scary rage issues that no one chose to mention to me. He also keeps a child’s aluminium baseball bat behind our door which I guarantee, is not intended… Read more »
Jennifer
Jennifer
2 years 6 months ago

I don’t see how this is a guilt trip; it’s just a creepy roommate and I hooked up with the neighbor story.

Heather
Heather
2 years 5 months ago

no guilt here just terror. Dude move out.

Nora
Nora
2 years 6 months ago

Wow, all these mom stories are just scary ! Thankfully, my mom stopped the guilt trips cycle because she suffered from it herself.
On the other hand, my grandma (on my father’s side) who is a muslim couldn’t guilt trip my father into believing in god, so she tried my elder brother and it worked. I don’t really think he believes in god but he does observe ramadan in so called “respect for our grandparents”. I have a hard time understanding how this works. I show respect to my grandparents by… respecting my grandparents.

Julie
Julie
2 years 6 months ago

Just this weekend my mom told me she was making plans to move to FL because she wasn’t involved enough in my wedding planning and I was “depriving her of her only chance to plan her daughter’s wedding.” Later that day she sent me flight reservations for a trip to Florida and asked me to take care of her cat –she means business.

Julie
Julie
2 years 6 months ago

I should add that my wedding isn’t for another 10 months, and not much planning is going on now since I’m in the middle of a semester at law school. And yes, I have a Jewish mother.

Sasha
Sasha
2 years 6 months ago
‘You haven’t earned us, you haven’t earned being a parent. We don’t matter enough to you for you to wake up or meet our needs’. Something my partner told me when I didn’t wake up every time our son cried at night. I have always been a heavy sleeper, have issues with being timely. At the same time I was diagnosed with Adult ADD and was finishing nursing school. We were in couples therapy. I want to own my actions and take responsibility. I don’t understand what earning family means in this capacity.
Ben
Ben
2 years 6 months ago

Mom: “We didn’t come all the way from Indonesia for (you to get) a six (on that test).
My mom only said it once.
Biggest guilt trip, EVARRRR!
Been (trying) to ace everything since then.

KWu
KWu
2 years 6 months ago

My grandma had a pretty great guilt trip recently–she said, “I’m getting old now, so I’m just holding on so that I can hold a great-grandchild in my arms,” while looking pointedly at me, since I am the only married grandchild she has right now.

mikali
mikali
2 years 6 months ago
My parents were really encouraging me… but I have sister and brothers that was not. They were telling me I was adopted as a joke but telling it so often that I was sure i twas true(which I believe to be true until age 38). So I was feeling guilty to be love by those parents and to be part of this family. My sister told me when I was talking of my project of becoming a professional artist at age 40 : Do you think you will be better than the other and succeed that easy ? You will… Read more »
Gretchen
Gretchen
2 years 5 months ago

You are one of those awesome bilingual chicks, aren’t you?

I am very impressed with anyone who learns English as a second language. English is hell of hard to learn. Most native English speakers aren’t very good at it really.

Amber
Amber
2 years 6 months ago

My mother -in-law gave me a book called “Children’s letters to God” saying, “I was waiting until you got pregnant to give this to you…but I don’t know when that will ever be…”

Shashidharan N Subramaniam
Shashidharan N Subramaniam
2 years 5 months ago

That wasn’t very nice, Ramit

Sebbie
Sebbie
2 years 6 months ago
When I was young my mum crashed the car (minor accident). Apparently this was my fault because it was my dentist appointment we were on the way to. I’ve got to hear many stories over the years from my mum about how they had to “scrimp and save” so that they could give me a decent upbringing. Now an adult in my mid-30s, when I decided to contradict my mum at Christmas over the amount of housework I had been doing (apparently I am super-lazy), I was reminded how ungrateful a daughter I am, and how my mum wished she… Read more »
Lauren
Lauren
2 years 6 months ago
I was working a position that I was told was absolutely a temp-to-perm situation. Being my first time temping, I had no idea that the state in which I was working held “at will” employment laws and that temp-to-perm was in no way a promise of full time employment. My parents didn’t know any of this either, so when the position abruptly ended because it was actually only a temp position, it was like I had been fired from my first job. I was grilled with questions about what I could have done wrong, why I didn’t do more to… Read more »
Shashi
Shashi
2 years 5 months ago
Dear Lauren, It was good that you stood up for yourself. Perhaps it would be better that you avoid such conversations as they will only make you feel bad about yourself over time. She may be your mum, but she should treat you in that manner. Your comeback was really good, but it may not work with your mum as she will then go on the offensive instead of being open to criticism. Take care and have a good week ahead. From, Shashi.
ts
ts
2 years 6 months ago
When I told my parents that “Yes, I really like this boyfriend and I think there could definitely be a future together…” Mom: “but he’s in the military, that means you won’t be living here in town anymore.” Me: “that’s true…, but I probably wasn’t going to live here forever anyway. ” Mom: “so he won’t stay here and start a successful business, and you won’t homeschool the kids, and I won’t get to see any grandchildren everyday?” Me: “um.. I guess you had that in mind, huh?” Mom: *bursts out crying* Me: “what??? What’s wrong? What did I do,… Read more »
C. Wilkinson
C. Wilkinson
2 years 6 months ago

That’s easy – GLOBAL WARMING!!!

Ealasaid
Ealasaid
2 years 6 months ago
When I was a child, my dad, who ran his own service business and worked a 6 day, 12-hour per day workweek, had a heart condition, and died when I was a teen (no shocker there). When he was alive, I was not allowed to ever bring any problems or discuss anything with him. Only my mother was allowed to air grievances or be unhappy in any way or discuss anything with him – according to my mother. She would punish me with ‘you’ll give him a heart attack! He’s already terribly ill and can’t deal with your problems’ if… Read more »
Jacob Karasch
Jacob Karasch
2 years 6 months ago

I’ve never really let other people make me feel guilty. If I felt guilty it was because I knew that I wasn’t being the person I wanted to be.

The worst I’ve felt lately was during a 5-day work binge on my day job, side business and grad school, my dog was getting neglected.

I was working on my laptop on the couch, when he brought a toy over and set it down right on my keyboard and just stared at me with his puppy eyes. Needless to say, I took a 30-minute break from work to play.

Adam
Adam
2 years 6 months ago

After I found my wife cheating on me for the second time, she decided she was done and left the marriage. I actually guilt tripped her in to getting everything I wanted out of the divorce, the house, the car, you name it! Even more importantly, I got primary care of my daughter! I felt slightly guilty using this as a negotiation tactic but when I got her attorney to side with me, I just signed the dotted line.

Ada
Ada
2 years 6 months ago
My dad is generally a strong and silent type, though he has been known to cut a rug at a party. One day he brought home spaghetti from an aunt who had made food “just for us”, his 5 kids. The spaghetti was nasty. It had green beans in it, to give you an idea. So I made my mom’s recipe for spaghetti, which was freakin’ delicious. My dad came home and saw us eating it and asked, “Why are you wasting my money when someone has already fed you?” Foolishly, I said, “Dad… that other spaghetti doesn’t taste good.”… Read more »
Kath
Kath
2 years 6 months ago

My dad cries when I leave his and mom’s place to drive back home (3.5 hours away) after each visit.

Ugh.

Kath
Kath
2 years 6 months ago

WOW, that looks a lot sadder here than it did in my head. Hah!

Suzie
Suzie
2 years 6 months ago
In high school, I brought home a Human Anatomy and Physiology test I made a 98 on. It was a very difficult class. I had worked incredibly hard for that grade and was well pleased with myself. I skipped up to my dad to get his approval. He looked down at my grade and scoffed. “What happened to the other two points?” he said. I felt like all my hard work held no significance for anything. I’m not an unintelligent person, but it took me years to realize that and not beat myself up about how idiotic I thought I… Read more »
Christine
Christine
2 years 6 months ago

Suzie, are your parents asian? That seems to be a very popular response among asian parents. My Mom loved pulling that line out.

Stephanie
Stephanie
2 years 5 months ago

I used to get that all the time: “Why didn’t you get 100?”. Or when I had a 3.75 GPA (all As except one B): “why isn’t it a 4.0?”. Except instead of working harder it just made me do enough to get by, because clearly the extra effort still wasn’t good enough, so why bother.

Keevin Woods
Keevin Woods
2 years 6 months ago

I told a secret of the love of my life to her family because I was tired of her caring the burden all her life at 52 years of age. Now I don’t have her anymore. I did it because I loved her, and felt her siblings should know her pain and if they really loved her they would wrap their arms around her. They have not, they are in denial, just selfish.

Nicole L.
Nicole L.
2 years 6 months ago
One day, when I was 17, I received in the mail my first (and last) prom dress that I had special ordered. It was a beautiful ivory and gold, with a fitted corset like halter top while the bodice snugly contoured over the hips and waist. It was perfect. I had spent weeks looking for the perfect dress, this dress, and was ecstatic when it arrived in the mail. I couldn’t contain myself while trying it on, I just knew I was going to look amazing. It fit perfectly…or at least it seemed to until I realized I wasn’t quite… Read more »
Nicole
Nicole
2 years 6 months ago

This was suppose to be a funny story, but I’m not sure how many others have a twisted sense of humor. Lol.

Nicole
Nicole
2 years 6 months ago

*supposed.

Tracey
Tracey
2 years 6 months ago
1. When my mother found out I had a secret boyfriend and was no longer a virgin she made me sit in the car with her in an empty parking lot late at night for an hour while she lamented that I was an unscrupulous whore who no one would ever marry now. 2. When I decided to leave law school after a year because it bored me and I wanted to start my own freelance fashion styling business. There’s no one particular incident of guilt. It’s really just a lifestyle of guilt (I left the program in April, 2012).… Read more »
Suzie
Suzie
2 years 6 months ago

I have a pretty low tolerance for being guilt tripped by other people.

In fact, I think the worst story I have is when I asked for salt & pepper to put on my food, and the person who cooked it apologised for ‘not seasoning it enough’.

Which honestly if you were ranking guilt trips from 1 to 100, that would be like… minus 10.

I’m pretty good at guilt tripping myself though.

Andrew
Andrew
2 years 6 months ago

One night I called my mom
Me: “Hi Mum, how are you? How are things?”
Mom: “HI! Who told you I died?”
Me: “What? Nobody said you were dead!”
Mom: “You must have thought I was dead, because you haven’t called in months!”
We had a laugh and since then I try to call at least once a month.

Bernie
Bernie
2 years 6 months ago

The guilt laid upon me for not pursuing the typical studies expected by traditional Asian parents. By that, I’m referring to engineer or doctor; not much else beyond that. It was intimated that I was wasting my time, not to mention their money, by pursuing any other studies.

Frank
Frank
2 years 6 months ago

As the first person in my family to complete college, I wanted to become a teacher. My dad asked me, “Why do you want to be a teacher? You’ll never make any damn money doing that!” For over forty years now, I have worked in schools while remembering that criticism. The greatest guilt is that he was correct.

Sara
Sara
2 years 6 months ago
I can think of several, but the two ‘best’: 1. I decided to move out of my parents’ house a few days after I turned 18. This was not well-received by my family but it was the best decision I’ve ever made. In my 18th birthday card from my grandma, she wrote that my grandpa (who had died the previous year and was my most supportive and favorite relative) would be rolling in his grave and would have said “don’t do dumb things”. Then she said she wouldn’t be giving me a gift because she couldn’t support my “dumb things”… Read more »
Norman Bates
Norman Bates
2 years 6 months ago

I have the winner: My mother made me turn down a fully-funded Ivy masters degree, because it would mess up her divorce — the one which she never got, 6 years later.

Ugliest Guilt Trip
Ugliest Guilt Trip
2 years 6 months ago

Sorry have to go semi-anonymous for this one. I have a sister-in-law whose depressive, deadbeat husband told her “if you ever leave me, I’ll shoot myself and it will be your fault”. Ouch. He owns and carries a gun, and he’s been treated for depression. So not an idle threat.

Jami
Jami
2 years 6 months ago

You might want to look at the book Character Disturbance by George K. Simon for your sister-in-law. Wishing her courage and strength.

Ugliest Guilt Trip
Ugliest Guilt Trip
2 years 5 months ago

Jami, thanks for your recommendation. I will definitely look at that book and share it if I think it will help.

Jami
Jami
2 years 6 months ago
Worst guilt trip was from my ex. I was a stay-at-home homeschooling mom creating gardens and implementing the “Five Year Plan” for self-sufficiency I created for us. Each time I would mention something that would put me back in a classroom to finish my degree, he would tell me how selfish to take time away from the kids. He spent from 25%-50% of his time on the road. He knew that I hold generosity and family close, so any way to use this to allow for the growth of his career was used. A book by George K. Simon called… Read more »
st
st
2 years 6 months ago
Apparently I was solely responsible for my mother’s sprained ankle. How, you wonder? One fine evening, while I was drowning in the mysteries of differential calculus… my mom who was shopping 5 miles away, walked into a store, tripped over some stones & sprained her ankle. See the connection? No? My mom was thinking of how much homework I had to get done. To make it better for me, she decided to make me something special. Which is why she walked into *that* particular store which had some construction debris on the side. As she braved through the debris, lost… Read more »
Owen
Owen
2 years 6 months ago
I honestly think that the best guilt trip that I have ever had was inside my own mind. My grandparents are all pharmacists, my uncle is a pharmacist, all my aunts and uncles worked in their parent’s pharmacy growing up, and I started doing the same when I was about 12. After high school I went to pharmacy school and hated it. I slogged along just barely trying and definitely not enjoying myself (as if anyone could enjoy Organic Chemistry). I even did so poorly that I had to repeat a year even while thinking that it wasnt for me,… Read more »
Dayna
Dayna
2 years 6 months ago

My guilt-trips certainly came in the form of verbal slaughterings, but the one I will remember the most was in the form of transportation gifts.

My younger brother was a triathlete, prized above all else by our mother. I was an “artist.” When I was 17, my parents bought me a $1200 car. Which was awesome, until I learned that they purchased a $2,000 bicycle for him. It was a total slap in the face – you can have your freedom & choose your life, but choosing the life mom wants for you is worth more.

B. McKenzie
B. McKenzie
2 years 5 months ago

To the contrary, I think it would have been more guilt-trippy if they had given you both bicycles. As it is, it sounds like your parents respected that you had a different set of aspirations and gave you a gift you benefited from a lot more than you would have benefited from a $2,000 bicycle. Also, buying a 17-year-old any car strikes me as exceptionally generous.

Keith
Keith
2 years 6 months ago

Ramit guilt tripping about not renewing my Brain Trust membership. Come on man, I made a financial decision, where’s my sliver of respect for that?

J
J
2 years 5 months ago

lol. Ramit, you’re hilarious!

Sonie
Sonie
2 years 6 months ago
Grew up in a very punjabi family! Loved it…but even today we siblings sit and laugh when we think about the times when we would want to buy something even if it was $5.00 and our dad would tell us the story of how he used to save the bus money by walking …even if it was freezing outside! – I’m from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada – so winters are quite harsh! Also, the reminders of “When i came to this country…I had $2.00 in my pocket! Today you guys need cars, cell phones, Ipads etc. and you can’t live without… Read more »
Nia
Nia
2 years 6 months ago
My parents left on vacation for the winter. Two weeks after they returned from their 3 month vacation my 6 year old got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (the kind where your pancreas is mistakenly attacked by your immune system and destroyed and there is no cure not the type which you bring upon yourself with horrific eating habits and obesity). I’m in the hospital, it’s day 2 of watching my baby girl cry with the onslaught of injections and failed IV attempts. I’ve been sleeping(more like lying awake) on the edge of her bed with her because she is… Read more »
Shashi
Shashi
2 years 5 months ago
Dear Nia, It’s not your fault, you had done what you thought was necessary, and even stayed with your child in the hospital to keep her comfortable. Your mother seems to be quite oblivious to all your efforts, so it stings hearing her say that about you. You are a good mum and I salute you. Just ignore the comments that you know are not true. Take care and have a great week ahead! From, Shashi.
gordana
gordana
2 years 6 months ago
It has to be my mother, the guilt trip queen. She started telling me when I was eight or nine that having a baby (me) ruined her life, and never stopped reminding me that everything that went badly in her life was my fault. Then she completely flipped when some time in my early teens I finally asked why on earth she had me if it was such a pain, and said that she was the one who chose to have a child and I didn’t choose to be born, and would she please stop telling nonsense… She went back… Read more »
anonymous
anonymous
2 years 6 months ago

My soon-to-be ex-husband’s father telling him on his deathbed that he wanted my ex to have children – despite my being clear about never intending to have children. Didn’t cause our divorce, but didn’t help. Also his mom offering to pay off his credit cards if we split up is an interesting twist, I think, no?

AD
AD
2 years 6 months ago

Asian mom with cancer asking me to go to med school.. for her.

Michel Patrice
Michel Patrice
2 years 6 months ago

Ramit,

You often refer to the way asian parents raise their kids. Now, you are saying that it is asians, indians, jews, any ethnic background.

I find it puzzling. It is about anyone not white? Is there something with the way white people raise (or non-immigrant?) their kids?

(What you refer to might be unclear to me due to differing cultural backgrounds (I am a native french speaker living in Québec City…))

stacey d
stacey d
2 years 5 months ago

Michel, whites do it too, (I have Catholic family background, and Catholics love guilt) but the anglo white culture is more laissez faire and liberal, generally speaking and has a more subtle way of guilt tripping. In fact, no one would admit it to be part of the culture per se like other cultures like Indian, but… it is still there.

Michel Patrice
Michel Patrice
2 years 5 months ago

Interesting point, Stacey.

Cat Aboudara
Cat Aboudara
2 years 6 months ago
My mom is a floral designer and horticulturalist. She bought a beautiful antique posey holder for me for my wedding arrangement WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN! I had no boyfriend but she said when it happened she would be prepared. She brings it up every now and again or looks forlorn and says, I really need to become a grandmother soon. The nagging about it actually made me really not a wedding (oh and also doing flowers for crazy brides on their wedding day helped, I never ever want to act like that over a party!). When I got the job… Read more »
Anon
Anon
2 years 6 months ago

“If you don’t cook your sisters dinner, I won’t have time to get my medication, and I’ll die,” said Mom to her young daughter, before going out for the night.

Could you, like, not give a presentation on guilt? Somehow I predict the advice will be “guilt OTHER people into doing stuff for YOU,” which is downright repulsive. To me, at least.

Kate
Kate
2 years 6 months ago
Every time I call my Grandmother she gives me guilt about not calling more often and tells me about how often my brother calls her. The last time I called and she criticized me for not calling sooner. I reminded her that the phone works both ways and if she wants to talk to me she only has to pick up the phone and call me. “Oh no,” she said, “I can’t do that. You have to call me.” A few years ago she tried to guilt my younger brother about his bohemian lifestyle and not settling down to give… Read more »
Heather
Heather
2 years 5 months ago

Haha Jane I feel you. My family says raw stuff about me and my brother if we don’t go visit my grandma as much as they think we should…mmmm maybe if you all would stop trash talking us you would see us more!!

Ashley
Ashley
1 year 9 months ago
My mother and grandmother are master manipulators I believe. If I don’t talk to my mother for a week or so, because I am working extra hours to get my debts caught up . I will get a text that’s random and start general but if I don’t answer because I am asleep or working. She will end with sorry to bother you love you always. That’s the mild guilt trips. My stepdads is a asshole to everyone he is younger then my mother considerably(20 years) which is fine with me. He just acts like a selfish child throwing fits… Read more »
g
g
2 years 6 months ago
I was delayed one time in sending the monthly contribution to my dad. ( Background: we are an Indian couple, supporting my parents, with my husband’s salary. We sent money to his mom too for a long time but currently dont.) Dad had to remind me over the phone to do it. And I was very apologetic I had forgotten and angry that he waited for _my_ call to remind me. And he goes – ” I would never have approved you marrying this guy so far away in the US on some bizarre visa( H1!) which does not allow… Read more »
Josh
Josh
2 years 6 months ago
Ramit – it’s awesome that you’re offering this class for free! I’m really looking forward to it. I’m an elder law attorney, and I’ve struggled with responding to my friends and family member when they have questions about their estate and long-term care planning. Often, a question might start out “What do you think about XYZ,” but moves into “Hey, you can do that for free, right?” When I’ve responded “my firm will gladly help, we’ll work with you on the rate,” I feel guilty that I’ve wronged those I care about. At the same time, I can’t spend hours… Read more »
Clayton
Clayton
2 years 5 months ago

Try just starting off with, “Where do I send the bill, then I’ll give you my opinion.” It might get them off the topic quicker. People know you’re an expert and so they just try to get stuff for free. I’d say, don’t give it for free unless you start the conversation. That’s my general policy. If I start the conversation, then I give whatever info I want, but if they start the conversation, then they can pay.

Leo
Leo
2 years 6 months ago
My parents have fights all the time, we’re talking about every other day. They would each call me and guilt me into siding with them. They would even fight when I brought my long term girlfriend to visit for the holidays. Needless to say this created a very toxic atmosphere. One day I had enough and I told them off and stopped answering their calls. A couple of months later my mom just randomly showed up at my condo unannounced and wanted to stay there indefinitely. I had a huge fight with her and the entire time she was guilting… Read more »
Michelle
Michelle
2 years 6 months ago
Leo, I’ve heard worse, than calling the police. With my experiences at this point in time, I would mend the bridges with my parents. I would do it for me, not for them. When they are gone this decision may haunt you, in a way that you never dreamt. I would keep some distance though. I would not excuse their toxic behavior, but I would try some kind of reconciliation; it is hard work, I am sure. The passing of our parents, brings a huge mix of emotions and if you can minimize the grief for your sake, why not… Read more »
Andy
Andy
2 years 6 months ago

That sucks. I think you did the right thing, but it’s not easy. Realizing your family is psychotic and the best thing you can do is put miles between you and them is never fun…

Garfunkel
Garfunkel
2 years 6 months ago

How about feeling guilty about an ex-significant other? Feeling about a failure in – as Apostle Paul writes – the “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” department?

Heather
Heather
2 years 6 months ago

About mid way through my senior year of high school I announced to my mom that I was going to take a year off before I went to college. She proceeded to yell at me for over an hour and say things like “well you were a waste of 18 years” and “now you will have to live off the government because your such a lazy [bad word]” I still haven’t gone to college. I think I just really really want to prove that I can be successful with out a degree.

Camilla
Camilla
2 years 6 months ago
I have become IMPERVIOUS to all forms of guilt trip, since I grew up surrounded by master manipulators. Example (and Ryan Stephens will feel me here): I was out with a friend at Hard Rock, had just ordered my burger, phone rings – Mother: Mae from the chinese restaurant called and wants you to go in for a shift, now. Me: [fill in your own version of what a reasonable person would say – e.g. the shift wasn’t planned, I’ve just ordered food, I’m at least 30mins away, even if I left now]. Mother:guilt trip about how Mae is on… Read more »
Chris Taylor
Chris Taylor
2 years 5 months ago

Wow, you seem like a grade A badass!

Cam
Cam
2 years 5 months ago
OH – and I just remembered another gem: I got a half scholarship to a private university here in Australia, worth about 50K. I told my mum and she said, ‘well, where are you going to get the other 50 thousand from?’ Overwhelmed by this display of pride and support, I decided to move cities and go to a university an hour away – which although relatively close, to me seemed like relocating to the blissful solitude of the moon. When I told her I was moving out and going to uni in a city an hour away – studying… Read more »
Jena
Jena
2 years 6 months ago

“I implore you, to back-burner your need for self-expression and to turn yourself back to your sacred commitment to your marriage and family.” Written in a letter from my mother, in the chaos of realizing I was gay at the age of 36. (I came out anyway, but that sentence was a real doozy.)

cam
cam
2 years 5 months ago

Your mother is a modern day poet.

A little misguided, sure. But a poet none the less.

When people put that much effort into what they’re saying, it almost makes you want to think about maybe, someday, potentially trying to kiss a boy. Or maybe it’s just me.

hehee!

Sandi
Sandi
2 years 6 months ago
Asian parents are not the only ones capable of terror-inducing guilt trips. I got a bit of a double whammy though because I was not only the only girl but I was also the youngest – “the baby” as it were. To top that off, my half-brothers’ mother had died when they were very young and everyone let them get away with murder because they felt sorry for them. My dad remarried my mom and they had me – her only child. To say I was sheltered doesn’t begin to do justice to the concept. By the time I reached… Read more »
Janis Melnychuk
Janis Melnychuk
2 years 6 months ago

my dad

Janis Melnychuk
Janis Melnychuk
2 years 6 months ago
On his deathbed, my dad gave me the highest guilt possible. He was just in his last days of lucidity, suffering from a rare disease called Creutsfeldz-Jakob’s. It had become very difficult to take care of him in their home. The home (my mom and dad) was not wheelchair-ready and it was a lifting situation with him many times per day. Mom and I could not do it anymore and there had been many accidents in the past month over his quick demise. He was stubborn and angry. He didn’t want to fly to Vancouver, he didn’t want to do… Read more »
Rae
Rae
2 years 5 months ago

I don’t know if it’s the “best”, but one our most heinous. My husband had just come home from visiting with his dad and thought they’d had a great visit. Had a nice time together, really connected, doing something they both enjoyed. A couple days later, he heard through the family grapevine that his dad thought he hated him because he never called after their visit.

Joanne
Joanne
2 years 5 months ago
Even though I don’t believe in the faith I grew up in, I still had a religious marriage because I didn’t want to disappoint my family and I couldn’t take the overwhelming guilt that would come if I let them down. Now I feel regretful that I didn’t get married the way I wanted to. Also I pursued a degree in international relations instead of art because of family expectations. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed my education, I regret not following my passions. Totally going to go back and pursue it now part time. I’m a lot better now though.… Read more »
joey
joey
2 years 5 months ago
I gave myself the biggest 2-year guilt-trip EVERZ. LOL. I had just sold off some hard-assets (gold/silver/platinum) at around 40K, and I then was playing a lot of Baccarat at the casinos and soon had 220K from playing Baccarat alone in about 1 Month. So me and my Girl-friend went to go house-hunting with my new found extra cash. I had rented a swanky hotel in the city we were going to move to for a week, and low and behold there was a Casino near-by, so that night I dropped off my girlfriend at one casino and I went… Read more »
Jer
Jer
2 years 5 months ago
After a childhood of guilt trips (a good couple samples: I was kept at home for anything other than school, and given guilt for requesting to go out with friends and without my parents presence. I once got a guilt triup by my mother for being bothered that she harassed the sh&* out of a girlfriend of mine – who broke up with me shortly thereafter), I made it out of the house at 18, to college. And to a place with a top education, but coincidentally with a top party school ranking – woot! I didn’t plan on looking… Read more »
Suzanne
Suzanne
2 years 5 months ago

My grandmother tells me that I shouldn’t be a stay at home mother because her family came to America to get degrees and use them, to become educated and wealthy, so that we can provide EVERYTHING for our families.

My mom (my grandmother’s daughter-in-law) tells me that I need to stay at home with my three toddlers because if I don’t then this society and “bad-influence” relatives will brain-wash them and they will never love or respect me.
Hashtag motherhood.

Anika
Anika
2 years 5 months ago
The funniest experience I’ve had with guilt tripping was when my ex-boyfriend (guess why he’s an ex) tried to guilt trip me into baking for his mother and her guests when she was throwing a party. The conversation went something like this “are you baking anything for this weekend? oh… you’re not? well I just want you to know my brother’s girlfriend is baking x. but don’t worry, you don’t have to bake anything. it’s not a big deal. at least my brother’s girlfriend will have baked something” I should mention.. this was on a weekend where I was FINALLY… Read more »
Leon
Leon
2 years 5 months ago
There was this one time on the eve of Christmas that I turned in to bed after dinner because I had a date with my significant other the following day. We always celebrated the holidays on the eve of the new year so we could cut back on expenses and focus the two holidays (Xmas and new year’s) on one celebration and I thought that this year was no different. I was tired from the rush job I had at work a couple of days ago and wanted to rest up before my date. And a bit of context: me… Read more »
Joana Rosa
Joana Rosa
2 years 5 months ago

My mother (when I was still a child): I never wanted to have children, it was your father who wanted a big family. And now he’s gone back to school and I’m the one looking after the three of you. I would like to go back to school too (ha!) but I’m stuck with you!

Or: I need shoes buy I can’t afford them because I bought x w z for you.

I have blocked out most of my mother’s guilt trips but believe me, not a day would go by without one.

Chris Taylor
Chris Taylor
2 years 5 months ago
My ex girlfriend’s mom is paying for her college, and basically uses that as leverage for every decision that is made for her life. She is forced to live in the same crappy school run apartment and has to go home over the summers and literally work in the yard 8 hours every day and then cook dinner for her family. She rarely gets to see friends, and at ANY sign of a complaint, her mom reacts horribly and ends up keeping her in this constant money strangle since her mom pays for her college. If she decides to try… Read more »
Olivia
Olivia
2 years 5 months ago
Most guilt trips I’ve been through via my parents were fully justified. However, this last one takes the cake. Last year, my brother who had been studying a useless (by useless, I mean not marketable in the workforce) masters/phd decided he needed a full time job to support his (lazy) wife. This new job had to be out of the country (so his new wife could experience the world through him), be cool enough to keep his wife, and one that paid decently. Keep in mind that the only jobs he’s had involve editing and translating, albeit areas he’s very… Read more »
Carol
Carol
2 years 5 months ago
“Milk is so expensive!” Says my mother after almost every trip to the grocery store. What do you expect with four teenagers?!? The guilt trip in and of itself was not particularly good, but it was one of the defining quotes that led me to taking on multiple jobs to pay for my own education entirely. I was tired of hearing my mom blame her financial predicament on her children. It was a bogus claim. She spent more than she made on frivolous crap (fabric, dolls, diet plans, half baked business schemes, any telemarketer that dialed our number) and tried… Read more »
Amber
Amber
2 years 5 months ago
During my first year of university, a friend of mine dated a guy for 2-3 months before he became clingy, possessive and mood swing-y. Now, this guy was on the football team, and my friend was concerned that he had started taking steroids. He also had some issues with his family. She needed to break up with him and thought he would flip out if she did it in public (embarassment I guess? I don’t know) so she asked her roommate to listen through the wall and convinced me to hide under her bed (“You know how he is!”). Fast-forward… Read more »
Anon
Anon
2 years 5 months ago
Hey Ramit, I know all about the parental guilt trips, but I have to say, the best guilt trips I’ve encountered are hands down from my dear husband. Heres’s one: When I’m sick and can’t go to work, he tells me not to call in sick and wait later that week when we have my step-son with us to call in sick so I can spend the day with them and bond with my step-son. But I tell him its Tuesday and I’m sick today, you want me to go to work sick until friday, and call in sick then?… Read more »
Stacy
Stacy
2 years 5 months ago
My mom is DESPERATE for grandkids… my parents are divorced and both remarried, and I have nieces and nephews on my dad’s side (so my dad is a Grandpa). My mom is soooo jealous that my dad is a grandpa and she has no grandkids, so she’s always making sad little comments about how I need to start having babies so she can “catch up to my dad” haha. I’ve been dating a guy for about a year now (we are not engaged or anything, and in no way planning on having children!) and the other day my mom says… Read more »
KC
KC
2 years 5 months ago
Leaving the relationship I was in WITH A MARRIED MAN! “But YOU are all I live and breath…Oh, so YOU get what you want, what about what I want?…You are one selfish bitch!…I NEED you, I thought you understood how much I love you….So you’re just done with me huh?…I wish I had not loved you with everything I had, I’m a wreck and I will never get over this.” Ugggh! Intellectually I understand these are guilt traps, but they get me in the quiet places of my mind and heart and then I feel guilty! Is that insane?#@$!! He… Read more »
M
M
2 years 5 months ago

Is this for real? If it is, then with all sincerity, you need psychological counselling, not Ramit. Good luck!

C
C
2 years 5 months ago

Sister wives? I saw this show once where the guy was in the hospital for a sex related injury with a girlfriend. The wife started making out with the girlfriend and then bit out her tongue, right next to the hospital bed! Totally not worth the speech impediment.

M
M
2 years 5 months ago
So my siblings and I are victims of parental guilt trips. We even have a term for when my parents guilt trip us…we call it the “Bollywood Movie Act”. This is how it works: 1- parents vocalize their disapproval and how its the end of the world if we don’t do what they ask or do what they don’t want us to 2- parents fall ill and in bed for days, making the children feel like crap and guilty because they are causing this. This is the Bollywood movie part, I’ve watched enough Bollywood movies and it’s so common for… Read more »
Malini
Malini
2 years 5 months ago

oh i call it the “Tamil Movie Act” at home… interesting

LKay
LKay
2 years 5 months ago
Took awhile to remember this, but turns out it was just super recent. I’ve been looking for work as a storyboard artist, and especially aspiring for one of the big studios down in LA (We live in the Bay Area, SF). Anyway I saw an announcement about future openings in Dreamworks (no set dates yet) but I was excited enough to tell my ma about it. Her only answer was ‘no’ and that ‘I can’t leave’ because she, me, and my bro are living together to help pay the house rent, and me leaving would essentially put them in a… Read more »
Eddie
Eddie
2 years 5 months ago

Hey Ramit,

I was watching Judge Judy one day and a husband was suing his ex-wife for something.
I don’t remember what he was suing for…………
I DO remember him saying the ex had given him a KIDNEY and ever since the surgery had held it over his head.

Ha! …….Talk about “GUILT TRIP”

As we say in the South, “Bless his heart”

Stephanie
Stephanie
2 years 5 months ago
I’m planning on moving abroad soon. I’ll learn a new language, get my masters for a fraction of the cost of one in the US, live somewhere beautiful and inspiring, and get to pursue something I’m passionate about instead of spending all day avoiding my to do list *cough*.. That should be great, except I’m leaving my parents. My mom literally said to me “I want you to be happy I just worry about your father and me. After one of us dies the other will be living alone, and when that person dies no one will know. One of… Read more »
April
April
2 years 5 months ago
My parents have spent the last 28 years building a very successful local business. My dad always talks about how he is going to pass it on to me and my two sisters, even though I’ve made it very clear that it’s not what I want. After working there full-time for over a year after college, I decided to move on and pursue my own dreams. It wasn’t an easy decision (leaving a stable job that I could have forever to be unemployed in a new city), and the first week away was ROUGH. I felt so guilty about abandoning… Read more »
LARRY
LARRY
2 years 5 months ago
I grew up in the east end of Toronto with two older siblings. Our father died when I was 14. His mother (our grandmother) lived on the far west side of the city. When I was 16 grandmother came and stayed with us for a week. During her visit she asked me (youngest in the family) if she could come and live with us. I told her that was not my decision to make. That was up to my mother and that she should ask her. My mother turned my grandmother down. My grandmother went home and one week later… Read more »
Heather
Heather
2 years 5 months ago
wow dude..ditch the guilt and know this about your grandmother. As far as her asking you if she could live at a house that you yourself were a child in was unfair. Clearly you were mature enough to direct her to your mother. And the fact that she asked you and not your mother sort of speaks to how she knew what the answer was going to be from the adult in the house already. I can’t handle when I know people are trying to put kids into adult roles. You did your best at the time..remember you were a… Read more »
Luna
Luna
2 years 5 months ago
oh man. A few years ago I’d just started talking to my mom again (I hadn’t really STOPPED, but figured she could put forth the effort to contact me for a while), in order to get the answers to some questions I’ve had since I was a kid. When I was puny, she’d brought home the only person that ever had me terrified, and I ran and hid, and basically never got over my fear of him, which turned out to be justified, as she and my stepdad were viciously verbally abusive. I made the mistake of trying to talk… Read more »
Jen
Jen
2 years 5 months ago
My father is a pastor in an extremely fundamentalist Christian church, so every day growing up was a constant guilt trip over the neighbors not thinking we are “proper Christian children because (insert any reason here- some notable examples: playing too loudly, building forts, not volunteering for unsavory church duties). However, far and away the worst guilt trip came a few years ago. As adults, my eldest brother and I left the church and religion all together. One Christmas, we came home to visit and, naturally, were expected to attend all church services. We did so, but, out of respect… Read more »
Clau
Clau
2 years 5 months ago
Hi Ramit, I think we’ve forgotten the guilt trips that weddings can cause. I am Bolivian and I married a German. So we decided to do two wedding ceremonies, one at home and one in Germany- The idea being that we wanted to celebrate with all the important people in our lives. As you know and I remember this as one of your advises (automate for weddings), weddings are expensive. My husband and I covered all the expenses, and because of this we wanted to limit our numbers of guests. So we prepared a list but as we were approaching… Read more »
Heather
Heather
2 years 5 months ago
This story really isn’t mine but I thought I would share since it was one of the worst cases of guilt I have ever saw. My cousin and I have twin cousins who are both on drugs. My cousin was telling me how she was saying to her mom(my Aunt) that she is sick of dealing with our drug addicted cousin at holidays. They bring guys over who are like 30 or 40 years older than them, they look high, or they are shaky and extremely nervous, have emotional outbursts..the list goes on and on. Well anyhow my Aunt’s response… Read more »
Carrie
Carrie
2 years 5 months ago
I have two – My mom is a master at weirdo guilt tripping. Not regular guilt-tripping, mind you, weirdo guilt tripping. Best described with an anecdote: At dinner: why aren’t you eating those last pieces of broccoli? They’re so sad. They waited all their lives to be eaten. All their friends are happy in your stomach and they’re left out. Why don’t you just let them be with their friends? We joke about it now, but I’m 31 and it’s still hard to walk away from a plate of food with, like, 2 peas left on it, or buy ONLY… Read more »
Anon Too
Anon Too
2 years 5 months ago
Damn. I totally missed out on this blog post and the webinar (and I got the notification last week too!), just when I needed assistance with this very subject that is very near and dear to my heart—well, uh, not exactly near and dear. I’ve got another tune in the family dynamics of Guilt Trip Theme and Variations. It’s very similar to what most of you have shared here: Asian + (fundie evangelist) Christianity = frequent guilt trip flyer miles. PhD and 9th degree black belt in guilt inducement. The expectation is to follow the tenets of the success secrets… Read more »
k
1 year 11 months ago

I can totally relate to the whole ‘going to have a heart attack and die’ guilt tripping… follow those dreams!

生活禁忌
2 years 5 months ago

TKS,楼主辛苦了

ANNETTE VAUGHAN
ANNETTE VAUGHAN
3 months 26 days ago
My guilt is , I’ve two girls, and after living on my own with them ten years ,the three muskateers , after the break up of my marriage, I’ve now moved in with my boy friend then , he didnt live with us , ten years, now partner two years and I was the one left them not the other way , as that’s what adult kids normally do, I financially helped them best I could they work and seen independent got boyfriends of there own , but I feel so guilty I didn’t give them the best support and… Read more »
Julia
Julia
1 month 23 days ago
My mom is basically the queen of guilt trips. Okay, I’m only twelve, so keep this in mind. I’m gonna simplify it to we didn’t have any food, I wanted something sweet and I told her this, standing in the kitchen mulling over what to eat, and she said I was getting on her nerves and up and left, but not before yelling at me to do some real work and that I can’t do anything without complaining and to think we had food while some people have to live off one slice of Bologna a week. MOM I’M NOT… Read more »
Julia
Julia
1 month 23 days ago

Oh and because I’ve seen a couple replies, I’m Russian by the way. If that helps any, I don’t really know.
And scratch the last part- IM ALLOWED TO MAKE EGGS.
(Uhh. That’s about it.)

Heidi
Heidi
1 month 21 days ago
At least once a week, for years, my mom will go out and buy a ton of food. She lives alone and cannot eat this much food. Then she calls me up repeatedly until I agree to come to her house for dinner. If I say no, she whines that she has so much food and now it’s all going to go bad! If I continue to say no, she complains that she had no room in her freezer to save it and she’ll have to bring the food to her friend’s house, who has a bigger freezer. And her… Read more »
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