The Money Diaries: The 20-something emotional spender

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Today is another post in the Money Diaries series, which is based off New York Magazine’s Sex Diaries. We’ve collected stories from real people about their spending habits over seven days, anonymized them, and posted them here.

Consumerism

Today’s post is by a 25-year-old woman who feels guilty about spending money she doesn’t have.

* * *

Day 1
10 a.m.: Pay day! Go online to check my payments and see how much I got paid. Another small pay check. I consider working more hours despite knowing school is too demanding to do so.
2 p.m.: Decided to buy Starbucks for everyone at work. Spend $13 against my better judgment. Half of me is happy to do something nice, half of me is ashamed of spending the money.
7 p.m.: Spending the weekend alone, boyfriend is out of town. Decide to buy some groceries, not because we need them but because I know I’ll be lonely. I walk to the grocery store so that I cannot buy more than I can carry home. Despite this spending limit, the bill still reached $55.

Day 2
10 a.m.: Wake up alone, feel like going shopping. Decide instead to do some yard work, my wallet cannot handle any shopping.
5 p.m.: Came home for supper on my break from work to save money. The $20 bill I thought I had in my wallet is gone, I must have spent it but can’t even remember where.

Day 3
9:30 a.m.: Just spent $30.54 on postage stamps. I needed to buy 10 stamps to mail a few letters, ended up being caught up in all the cool designs and bought more than I needed. I probably won’t even use the ones I bought because I like them too much.

Day 4
1:30 p.m.: Wrote a check today for a race entry fee, had to check my account online to make sure I had the $45 in my account. I also made a note to myself not to use the account until the check clears. Feel guilty that at 25 I don’t even have a $50 cushion in my checking account.
9 p.m.: Go for supper with my little sister. The bill is $25 and I am prepared to pay for it but I’m secretly happy when she grabs the check and insists on paying.

Day 5
12 p.m.: See a sweater I must have, convince myself it’s practically free because it’s on sale. Another $69.29 on the credit card.
12:30 p.m.: Get home from buying said sweater to a credit card statement. It seems that since I acquired a significant amount of credit cards I can’t keep them straight, missed the payment on one last month. Could have sworn I paid it. Went online immediately and paid as much as possible on the card: $125.00.

Day 6
11:30 a.m.: Decide I need to go out to eat again. Spend $13 on the meal and feel guilty two fold, unhealthy and expensive.
4 p.m.: Get a phone call that the underwear I ordered is in at my favorite local store. I go down to pick them up, not only did they get in the 4 pairs I ordered, but also a regular shipment, I pick out one more pair. The total is $108.85; I just spent $108.85 on 5 pairs of underwear! On the credit card of course.
7 p.m.: Despite having an unlimited pass for a local yoga studio I go to a class at a different location because I prefer the longer class. Drop in fee is $13, he gives me a deal, only $11. Drop in gets expensive over time but I convince myself I deserve it and I’m doing something good for myself. After 2.5 hours on the mat I know I made the right choice.

Day 7
10 a.m.: Decide to stay home all day to limit my spending, not much I can do from home, but first thing in the morning I resist the urge to buy something online. I go read instead.
11 a.m.: Get an e-mail to renew my JPG magazine subscription. Enter my credit card number for another $35.
10 p.m.: Am pleased with myself because I manage to go the rest of the day without spending a dime despite going shopping with my little sister.

In Sum:
Amount of money spent that I actually had: $0, number of things I bought that I actually needed: none. Number of nights spent worrying about money 6/7.

* * *

Read more about guilt and our money.

To be featured anonymously in a future Money Diary, click here.

Journalists/reporters: If you’re interested in working together on another Money Diaries for your publication, let me know.

* * *

Conan-O'brienBook

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66 Comments

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  1. She’s a few years older than me but pretty much describes a few girls I know. I’m just wondering, what is her level of debt?

  2. WTF, $100 on 5 pairs of underwear? Save something for the honeymoon, girl. Literally, put it in the bank and save it.

  3. Maybe start by picking one actionable thing you can do to save. Could you possibly change your membership from the gym you don’t like to the one you do? Or drop the subscription all together so you’re not paying drop in fees on top of the monthly studio fee?

    You can do this! Good luck!

  4. I wonder what she does for living. This can’t possible continue for her, she doesn’t mention any savings, future goals. Maybe she should read Ramit’s post one by one.

    By the way, how can I be selected for this money diary? It seems cool to be the host.

  5. She should try the freeze-your-credit-cards-in-a-block-of-ice strategy to slow down spending money she doesn’t have.

    Also, get Ramit’s book and pay attention to the budgeting section. It’s very simple and realistic.

  6. I sympathize. That girl was me, right after I graduated from college. Had my first “real” salaried job and was making more money than I thought possible. Spending it too, and then some. It took a long time (including the addition of graduate school debt) to wake up and smell the creditors. And it took a few more years (and a lot of discipline) to clean up my act and move in the right direction. I sincerely hope our friend in the Money Diary wakes up sooner than I did. Thanks for the post, Ramit!

  7. Sigh. This reminds me of me… except I’m basically have been mooching off my parents. Starting August, though, I’ll have a “real” income (though really really low) so for the past few months, I’ve been very slowly working towards reining in my crazy spending habits.

    Shopping girl, I just wanted to offer a few notes (in the off chance you take the time to read the comments):
    1. I know the $55 on groceries seems like a huge amount, but honestly, I don’t think this is where you should be concerned. No, groceries aren’t necessary, but they are still food and thus somewhat useful.
    2. 69.29 for a sweater? Okay, even on sale, that’s a big much. You can usually get a really nice sweater for $40 (even not on sale) so if you NEED to shop, you might want to start going to lower price range stores. Yes, the sweaters there might not be as nice, but this way you get to get cute new stuff without breaking the bank. Same with the underwear… even the lace stuff at VS is maybe maximum 3 for 18 or something.
    3. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing things you love like the drop in yoga class and magazine subscription. Though if you do like to alternate between the two studios, I’d buy punchcards at both instead of unlimited (this is of course dependent on how often you go).

    I think overall, just based on me being in a somewhat similar situation, a couple things would be really helpful for you… Sit down and write down your priorities in terms of spending. At the top should be all the necessary things–ie rent, bills, food, etc. If you love buying stuff, put that on your list too–but write yourself a limit to how much you can afford to spend per month. If you crave quantity, go for cheaper stuff (and thus end up with a bunch of items for under your limit). If you crave quality, stick to buying 1-2 really really nice items monthly, especially items that you can wear all the time.

    As you mentioned, you bought most of your stuff with credit cards–with no funds to back it up. Obviously you realize this is not ideal, but I don’t think you’re directly thinking about the fact that the “practically free” sweater that you got on sale will balloon in price if you can’t pay your credit card in full every month. Good luck with your saving, fellow shopping lover! :)

  8. $100 on 5 pairs of underwear….Really…! with no money in checking account….

  9. Like Caroline (#7), this isn’t that much different than how I was right after college. I would run up my card doing the same sorts of things Emotional Spender does, but then I’d pay the card off, only to run it back up again. No savings, just a cycle of debt and repayment for five years.

    Then, I got married, and my husband and I got serious about paying off everything, including our cars. We did it in less than a year, but we were highly motivated. Now we have an EF fund and we’re saving for the house we’re building and a vacation. I don’t like my job, but while I’m working on my escape plan, I know we can pay our bills on one salary, so I don’t feel imprisoned. It’s liberating to have choices and some security.

    My advice would be to write down everything you owe. This was eye-opening for me. I was scared to do it for months, but once I did, the motivation kicked in. Next, buy a book like Ramit’s or whichever method you relate to, and follow their plan.

    Also, I’ve paid $20 for a pair of underwear, and I’ll do it again. Who knows, maybe I’m a closet French girl. :) BUT, you won’t feel guilty about indulging yourself if you take the time to get your finances on track and you budget for those splurges.

  10. I would spend $200 on 5 pairs of underwear if I could afford it:
    http://www.rei.com/product/763021
    Or if I was this girl, I would do it anyway.

  11. Wow, well at 25 she’s still young enough to learn. I would really start with the envelope system – she’s obviously not so good at tracking exactly what she’s spending her money on, and just throwing everything on the plastic. So, ditch the plastic, and just put cash into envelopes for rent, food, entertainment, gas, etc. – and when that money is gone no more spending for the month.

  12. I feel sad for her, but can empathize, except for the panties part. Trying to fill some empty void with spending is just another method of tranquilization. I know, I’ve been there.

    BTW, why are they called “pairs” of underwear when it’s just one? I can see jeans because of the two legs, but underwear?

  13. Sadly, this reminds me of my spending habits when I was first out of college. Hopefully she will decide to stop spending the money she doesn’t have and live within her means.

    First of all, she should only buy necessities. Um, $100 for 5 pairs of underwear? I’m guessing they were Hanky Panky thongs? Don’t get me wrong, they’re the best panties out there, but not if you’re going to feel guilty wearing them or end up paying 3 times their actual price due to credit card interest/late payments. Gap makes a halfway decent copy for about $3-5/pair and I’m sure other companies do as well.

    I used to think that buying a sweater on sale for $60 if it was marked down from like $300 was a good deal too. It’s only a good deal if you can afford it. And by “afford it” I don’t mean “room on the credit card to cover it”.

    Food is a necessity and it’s cheaper and healthier to eat at home then to eat out. Spending on food is fine, as long as she’s not buying things that will just sit in the fridge and get moldy. Meal planning is important in order to save on groceries.

    She probably has a few items gathering dust in her closet that she might be able to sell on eBay or at a local consignment store. She should do this to recoup some $ and begin paying off the debt or start an emergency fund (for rent and monthly expenses should she lose her job).

    Finally, I recommend shopping at thrift stores when she needs to spice up her wardrobe. It’s cheap, and fun – at times, it’s a bit (ok, a lot) like looking for a needle in a haystack, but when you do find something worth wearing you’ll feel like you really did get a good deal when you check out and that cute sweater/jacket/pants/skirt/whatever rings up for $4.

    I like to online shop on Amazon – I just continue to put things in my cart but don’t buy them. I might watch them for a few weeks (sometimes the price goes down substantially!) and then buy if the price is low enough and if it is something I can afford, but I always have a lot of “saved for later” items that I evaluate if I need or not and at what price I think they’re good buys.

  14. This lady seems pushed around by her habit and her possessions more than anything. It reminds me of watching Bubs on “The Wire.”

    I know so many people like this, and I really wish there was an effective way to tell my friends about saving money without seeming like a condescending douche.

  15. I see a lot of recommendations so far for the envelope system and various other methods… all good suggestions. Though I think the best suggestion is to cut up those credit cards. That way you absolutely cannot spend money that you don’t have.

    The envelope system doesn’t work if you don’t have cash to begin with. ;-)

  16. So glad I stumbled upon your blog-very interesting!

  17. How come I never meet Americans who are willing to spend on others?? But always read about them here!!

  18. At the beginning of the week, she says school is “very demanding”, and this prevents her from working more hours. Yet she still finds time for shopping, meals out, yard work, yoga and (assuming this) training for a race. It seems that she needs to not only get the financial house in order but also look into a time management system. It seems that she already has the fitness thing going, which is good. I’d think that getting time and money under control could provide benefits to her — she could work more hours to help with the debt problems, and while she’s working she won’t be shopping, and then she’ll have time for school.

    Also, one should not go shopping without a list. Ever.

  19. @Tracy D–Yup, Hanky Panky are the ones I shell out the big bucks for! So funny you said that. BUT, I can do that without guilt because we’re saving almost my entire salary at this point. It feels better to buy without guilt.

  20. Was someone following me around one day when I was in my early 20s? Because this sounds exactly like me 10-15 years ago. Except that I didn’t buy such expensive clothes, but I definitely bought clothes I couldn’t afford on credit cards and went out to eat with friends when I didn’t really have the money for it.

    I really, really came to regret it and it took me many years to get out of the financial hole I dug. This woman needs to find a personal finance plan that works for her, whether it’s Ramit’s book or Suze Orman or Dave Ramsey or something similar and develop new financial habits, or in 5-10 years she is going to be on the brink of bankruptcy.

  21. I was once that girl..but it didn’t take me that long to realise that I was heading the wrong direction. The fact that she signed up to be featured in Money Dairies itself shows that she wants to ckean up her act. All she needs is a little bit of conviction and ensure you surround yourself with some financially smart/sound people and don’t feel embarassed to seek help/support

  22. Some people gave some good suggestions like the envelope system and cutting up credit cards.

    Might I suggest that she calls up her credit cards and uses the script from Ramit’s book to see if she can get them to lower the APR? It doesn’t hurt to try. That will at least help a little.

    Also, getting the credit card due dates to be on a more predictable schedule will help her avoid late fees and ballooning interest rates from defaulting. She can do this by calling the credit card’s customer service as well.

    These suggestions won’t change the bigger problem – which is her tendency to overspend without budgeting or thinking of her larger financial picture (if i spend now, i can’t spend later, etc) but it will at least reduce the debt hole she’s dug herself into and make it a bit easier to get out when she’s ready to take those steps.

  23. @AD – It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. My husband and I made paying off our debt together our main priority when we moved in together 3 years ago. We had a total of $40k in debt and it took us 3 years of diligently paying it off. We made the final payment last week!

    Now we’re putting our money towards building our emergency fund and vacation savings. It feels awesome to be credit card debt free (we still have a car payment and student loans, but the balances on those are small).

    Good job on paying off your debt in a year! It’s tough, but so worth it!

    Someday soon, I’ll be able to buy myself more Hanky Panky’s worry free as well! :)

  24. wow, i’m surprised so many people are sympathetic! she’s paying yoga fees to go to a diff studio even tho the other one is already paid for? couldn’t she just go to 2 sessions?

    girl needs to learn control! :)

  25. It’s sad that she’s disappointed at spending $55 on groceries, but doesn’t flinch when she spends almost $200 on a sweater and 5 pairs of underwear. And $30 on postage?

    Since I criticized, I’ll offer a piece of advice. When you get the temptation to spend on something tangible – clothes, stamps?, etc. – make yourself wait an extra day. Go home, sleep on it and before going back to the store, check all your credit card statements and ask yourself if you really NEED it.

  26. Love the photo w/ Conan!

  27. I was in her shoes for a couple months as well. Luckily I snapped out of it before I went into debt, just depleted most of my savings. Reading this website as well as Young, Broke and Fabulous by Orman would be my first advice to her. Cutting out the shopping isn’t easy.. I love going to Target or the mall when I am bored, but exercising and taking up yoga has definitely given me more to do in my spare time. Also, continue the money diary: write down every single expense and then add them up at the end of the month. Seeing exactly how much I was spending on clothes each month was the real wake up call.

  28. I wish I could be empathetic, sympathetic, or even show compassion, but I can’t. I don’t think there is any system that will help her if the mentality is flawed on what priorities are. She won’t be able to get ahead until she gains some basic discipline, makes sacrifices, and improves time management. After she does this, I think the systems would help optimize her ability to save and kill debt. Obviously if she has time to go shopping, eat out, do yoga at two different clubs, etc. she has time to do some additional work.

  29. Oh, I can relate! I remember back in the day in high school when shopping was the activity my mother and I did on the weekends. I think it was kind of a good thing since I became so sick of it by the time I was older.

  30. My advice, make a spreadsheet of your credit card balances and due dates. The sooner you face the music, the better.

    Later on, think about how often you actually wear that sweater or those fancy underpants, or the postage (that is going to collect dust in a drawer) and if they were worth the $200.

    Once you save up a cushion – stop carrying that credit card in your wallet.

    If you want to stop worrying so much, take control. Having some savings in the bank and no (or a smaller) CC balance will make you feel as good or better than when you get out of that 2 hour yoga session!

  31. @Tracy D–Sounds like you guys have accomplished a lot! Also, a tip on Hanky Pankys–if you have a Last Call Neiman Marcus, sometimes you can luck into them at half off. Sometimes they also show up on Bluefly.com.

    Ha ha. I love how I’m commenting on a Money Diary about how to save money on overpriced thong underwear.

  32. As the author of this money diary I thought I would share a few thoughts:

    -Thank you all for the constructive criticisms and feedback. One of the reasons I did this was to see myself through an observer’s eyes. I know it is bad, I know I have a problem, but getting to real change is always difficult. It is a work in progress.

    -Second this was written last summer (almost a year ago) and I would like to say things have changed for the better. Not that thing’s didn’t get worse first but I am now on my way out of debt instead of further in. I have set up a budget, and with the help of my fiancée I have a specific amount of money available to me every two weeks. This allows me to save enough money for my last term of school, pay off a portion of my debt every month and start contributing to our household and saving money for our wedding.

    -Reading this a year after writing it truly was like looking at it from the outside. Seriously, at first I wasn’t sure if it was even mine. Most people’s comments are very helpful and thoughtful. I thank you for that, this is not easy.

    -The long term plan is to contribute 80% of my post-graduate salary to my debt until it is gone (a total of $40k CDN including student debt). We can comfortably live on one salary now, so we will continue to do that until the debt is gone. We figure this should only take 18 months if we are diligent.

    Thanks for all the comments

    PS: the underwear are Patagonia, I swear by them, they are the only ones I wear. Prior to this $108 purchase I had not bought any for 5 years and I probably won’t for another 5. I stand by them ;)

  33. There’s definitely some things that can be done to immediately improve this girl’s situation.

    Right off the bat, she needs to find a method of tracking her spending. I think she really needs to see where her money is going. Either sign up for a free service link Mint.com, keeping receipts, or better yet keeping a spreadsheet.

    Many credit card companies will let you change your due date. I would suggest moving them all to the same date and keeping the list of cards. Once a month she can set a reminder on her phone or calendar to sit down and pay bills.

    Finally, there’s no point to paying for a membership and not using it! She should either utilize the pass to her local yoga studio, or cancel her membership. If she cancels, she can try to negotiate a packaged deal at the drop in location. It doesn’t hurt to ask!

    $55 for all you can carry sounds like a lot of food! I live in NYC and have to carry all of my groceries. My guess she either buys a lot of meat or a lot of prepackaged goodies. I try to watch my circulars for cheaper meat, or go to Trader Joe’s because meat can be $$$ here. I’ve found making a list before going to the supermarket can curb impulse spending on expensive snacks.

    I think it would be unrealistic for her to completely cut out on shopping, but I think there’s a much more efficient means to doing so. I’m sure through some online research Hanky Pankys can be obtained at a much cheaper price. Don’t forget to do an online search for coupons (www.retailmenot.com is a great one) once you find the cheapest website. Also if you utilize discount stores like TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, Loehmanns, Annie Sez, etc you can find much better deals on clothing and not feel guilty. I’ve bought panties that were extremely expensive for under $5 and other designer clothes at 70%+ off. These stores often have a membership program and will send you coupons to save even more. Don’t shop shopping…just shop smarter.

    Lastly, wasting money on buying everyone coffee and stamps that will go unused is just nonsense. If you want to do something for your coworkers, bake some cookies or bring in fresh coffee to brew at work. It will cost a lot less than spending $13 at Starbucks and they will still appreciate the gesture.

  34. Lots of focus on the underwear!

    I can relate to the shopping high that’s been widely mentioned in these comments, but, as we all know, it fades by the second time you wear your new acquisition. It’s an expensive addiction to feed.

    Recently, I’ve realized that the shopping high can *almost* be achieved by ogling clothes/electronics/books/whatever online. It may feel like a waste of time, but if you invest 30 minutes a day into ogling instead of actually shopping and spending, that’s still a small price to pay.

    As Ramit often emphasizes, it’s more about the psychology of spending and consumption than it is about the actions and acquisitions themselves.

    In this case, online window shopping is one way to work through the psychological aspects of spending without taking a real financial hit (as long as you don’t checkout with what’s in your shopping cart).

    It’s not intended to be a forever-solution, but neither are the cash envelopes. It can, however, be a great interim patch to help people get out of the actual spending loop while they rethink their psychological relationship to shopping.

  35. Why has nobody suggested getting rid of these credit cards? It’s very materialistic. I guess she is not really learning the meaning behind her yoga classes–maybe she should go find a 3rd studio.

  36. It’s a good thing she’s only 25. At this rate, she’ll need to be working a while to pay off the debts she’ll be accumulating until she gets her wake-up call.

  37. I was this girl, so I understand. She clearly understands there’s a problem, so now she needs to sit down and take actionable steps to fix it. First and foremost, she’s got to figure out her goals, followed very closely by a budget. I’d say she needs to put those credit cards of hers into a shoe box and put them up where she can’t reach them without really thinking about it.

    Just out of curiosity, where did the $125 come from to pay the credit card she missed one month? A few entries earlier she wasn’t even sure she had enough money in the bank to cover a $45 entry fee. That leads me to believe she robbed Peter to pay Paul…definitely not helping her situation.

  38. Wow…. this person is not well.

  39. The Week in Review: Money Issues #41 (side note: This ain’t yo papa’s blog!): http://tinyurl.com/o9zlaa #moneyremix

  40. Seriously why doesn’t she just declare bankruptcy?
    I think it is criminal the way universities have gotten into the loan scam business.

    • Butter: Bankruptcy is not for people like her. It’s a last resort. And universities are not the only ones to blame — we are too (as are our parents for not getting educated about scholarships, grants, and loans).

  41. Ramit…..Seriously, stop writing your own Money Diaries and pretending it’s someone else. There is no personal information about this person, no background, and the daily posts are about 4 lines long. Seems to me they used to be much more informative, descriptive and REAL a few months back. I think you are busy so you just scratch together what you think a typical 25 year old girl would spend money on to incite !!! from your commentors. Anyone could have written this up in 5 minutes as a sloppy blog post. Sheesh, If your going to post for someone else, at least make it good.

    • Yes, Ben, I write these all myself because I love spending my time pretending to be someone else. You caught me. You do realize these are anonymously submitted and therefore have different writing styles and lengths, right?

  42. Why do you always pick people who are flat broke and don’t know how to use money correctly? Or are those the only people who read this site?

  43. She seems to be soooo close to being OK with money. I mean, its not like we’re talking about shopping sprees daily buying tons a stuff (which is kind of what you expect with the multiple references to spending because “need to shop”/bored/lonely). Its just the few things she did buy were not in her price range. If she had gone to something like Ross/Target and spent $20 on a sweater and underwear, and had skipped the magazine and stamps, and corrects this issue of having a pass at a Yoga club different than the one she uses, she would have had a good week. And obviously without these kind of habits there probably wouldn’t be credit card balances to pay on.

    The groceries/eating out seems fine (I’d say eating out with your sister has a lot more fun/value than that sweater) and she’s spending money on healthy activities, like a 25 year old hopefully would.

  44. Oh my gosh, I was like that girl once. I used to spend on credit without even thinking whether I had enough in the bank to pay for the purchases. What made me change my ways was when my Dad got hospitalized and suddenly, it made sense to have savings tucked away for personal emergencies.

    I began to create a budget (even bought a $0.99 iPhone budget app called WalletWhiz from iTunes) and disciplined myself to stop spending. Whenever the urge to splurge hits, I think of what happened to my Dad, check my budget and remind myself of my savings goal.

    Anyway, I’m far from achieving what I financially desire but I am pleased that I am getting there.

  45. I found this one fascinating in two respects, first of all, the amount of commenters that totally identified with this girl. It just goes to show how many young women totally buy into the stereotype of the shopping woman with no justification. I’m sure there are plenty of guys who at a similar age bought into the “player” stage of guyness in a similar stereotypical fashion, its not the same but startling to me how many people think behavior is acceptable based on some self perpetuating myth.
    Secondly the repost by 20-Something was awesome. I bet if she had to do a moneyweek again there would be yawns all around as it would probably read like MP Dunleavy’s women in red. Still her own recognition of how unfamiliar it obviously was to track and write about money for a week just goes to show you how people sometimes go through life with blinders on to certain aspects of how they are living.

  46. this makes me feel so much better about how i spend money (most of it spent on clothes that i get tired/rid of after a month or 2)

  47. This seems almost unreal. At what point does common-sense come into play?

    • Denis: I know, it can seem surprising if you never spent like this yourself. But this happens more than you’d imagine with people in their 20s (and 30s to some extent). Commonsense is obviously good, but saying “use your common sense” isn’t really constructive. I’d rather focus on getting people to think about it and figure out constructive ways to start focusing on a rich life.

  48. @JimE: I must say that the stereotype is not “women shopping with no justification,” nor is it about “common sense,” @Dennis. Rather, I would argue that women who spend like this need a reality check because they are taught by media and by our culture’s expectations of women that in order to be accepted and valued, they must buy that sweater to keep up with the latest styles and trends, otherwise they’ll be perceived as unfashionable. Or, buying that $100 underwear will make them more sexy — at least they’ll FEEL more sexy, for maybe about a nanosecond. Love how both those comments were by men…

  49. @Janna I agree completely that my comment comes completely from the standpoint that there is something in society that says this is acceptable in a general sense, but if you break it down to an individual case by case basis it “shouldn’t” hold any water. As for the implication that it is from a guys point of view, I can only say that my comment references only that there were commenters that agreed that they identified with this post. Yes I am male. Every personal financial advisor will not condone the conduct represented in this post as a long term plan without a fuller picture implying these are insignificant costs to a lifestyle. The fact that people emulate this type of lifestyle without the income to support it, and do it so readily, is what is fascinating to me in youth. There is a point where most people seem to evolve to a different financial priority, its just when and where that happens that seems to imply much about their overall financial situation. Yes I am implying there are people that go to college (or through life) pursuing a MRS degree, I don’t think it is wrong with the appropriate “mate” (it can go either way). Do I think the media or someone else is at fault, no. Is mob mentality dangerous, yes. This, to me, falls somewhere in between.

  50. I’m a girl in my late 20′s and this post isn’t far from something I would experience. Its hard to control your spending, even when you know you don’t have the money to afford things like $20 underwear. I find the best way for me to stay on track is to look at my finances daily, always plan ahead for all meals, stay away from malls and clothing shops and try to think of my control as a game….how long can I go without spending money on unnecessary items.

  51. In this post, I see not myself but my close friend. I love her to death but her spending is out of control. She has no savings so everything that happens is a financial crisis. For example her roommate moved out, and she didn’t have enough to pay the full rent.

    Me on the other hand, I am 25 and financially responsible. I have about $20k in student loans, which is about half of what I took out, I also have an EF with a years worth of expenses, I max out my 401k and my IRA, blah blah blah. Compared to my friends, I drive a crappy car, live in a small apartment, my tv is small and not flat, etc.

    I pay the price for my financial stability, every time I see my friends. I am considered insanely cheap. My friends make me feel guilty for living on a budget.

    And that is my point, it is not easy to be responsible at this age. There is amazing social pressure to buy buy buy, and insane pressure to not save. I have had people tell me that I am “dumb” for maxing out my 401k.

    I know most of you will say, “find new friends!” How many 25 year olds do you know who aren’t a money mess?

  52. Given her spending and honest descriptions, no financial advise will *really* help – she def has an emotion/control problem, as she mentioned she feels lonely and immediately feels the need to spend with money she doesn’t have. You see this with other socially acceptable addictions – mainly food.

    I’m glad to hear Ms. 20-Something that you’re on your to getting out of debt, I wish you the best with emotions and control.

  53. I agree with an earlier comment in this thread about the immense peer pressure among the 20-something crowd to ‘live in the moment’ and not plan for the future. As one of the few in my age group to start putting away savings for grad school, retirement funds, mortgage downpayment, etc, I got flak among friends for being so sensible. This is not to say that I did not go out, drink, eat, shop or travel – one can do all of this and still save a lot if there’s good planning, deal-hunting, gratification deferment and budgeting involved. Wish more 20-something people realized this!

  54. The Money Diaries series has been great to read.

  55. [...] The Money Diaries: The 20-something Emotional Spender I know a lot of people like this. I wish they read sites like The Simple Dollar. (@ i will teach you to be rich) [...]

  56. [...] The Money Diaries: The 20-something Emotional Spender I know a lot of people like this. I wish they read sites like The Simple Dollar. (@ i will teach you to be rich) [...]

  57. It makes a difference if the money is in Canadian dollars. That makes it a little better…

  58. [...] Will Teach You To Be Rich presented: The Money Diaries: The 20-Something Emotional Spender.  This actually made me think of tracking my spending and where it goes in a similar format.  [...]

  59. I realize this is incredibly late, however I wanted to drop by and congratulate the author for commenting and getting her act together. Good work!

    Two or three notes:
    - I don’t see this is as a financial problem, I see it as a lifestyle/spiritual problem. It sounded a bit like the person in the diary (who I suppose you’re not anymore) has no sense of purpose, no sense of joy of their own in their life so must fill it with shopping. The “I deserve it” bit just set off red flags in my head. Get some goals that you feel really strongly about, get a job that really provides you stimulation and find people who challenge and inspire you to surround you. The existential vacuum, yada yada yada.

    Check out http://www.stevepavlina.com sometime if you’re curious what a lifestyle on purpose would be like.

    Other than that, good work!

    Another perspective on the I Deserve It mantra:
    http://teacherfinance.blogspot.com/2009/05/but-i-deserve-it.html
    http://frugaldad.com/2008/04/14/language-of-the-perpetual-poor/

    Keep it up and good luck in the future!

  60. [...] over the head and says, “this is the right way to do it” I listen. I was reading this Money Diary over at I Will Teach You To Be Rich and saw the dreaded phrase, “I deserve it”. I [...]

  61. Sounds like so many people I know–ever think about doing a post for college kids/high school seniors about saving/general money knowledge?? I feel like we (as in this age group) are uneducated when it comes to being a “real person” financially and may be making mistakes when it comes to investing (or lack there of). Just a thought.