We’re also spending money in places we didn’t anticipate. For instance, we were going to ask our friend, who is a professional DJ, to perform at our wedding for the cost of his hotel room and gas (our wedding is 180 miles away from where we live) but then we realized our requirements would put an unfair burden on a friend who was doing us a favor and we’d rather have our friend enjoy himself at the wedding. So we ended up hiring a DJ. It costs us more in the short term, but in the longterm we were looking at preserving a valuable friendship.

We also found ourselves hiring out for a traditional Indian mandap. Originally, we were going to build one ourselves and then assemble it with the help of our friends. We realized how stressful that would be and how much we would have to ask our friends for help, so when a good value came along, we took it. (the provider was looking for an ‘unveiling’ in our market and we managed to strike a deal for the furniture and structure in return for allowing him to use pictures from our wedding to promote his service in the future). Again, short-term expense, but we figured that saving everyone’s sanity was worth the extra money.

We also found a good photographer and made some concessions there to bring down the costs (only 6 hours, no engagement/bridal pictures, etc). We figured the pictures from the ceremony were what we really wanted and we weren’t interested in professional engagement/bridal portraits. We also found that once we planned our agenda, 6 hours was more than enough to cover everything we wanted covered.

We’re saving where we can, figuring out what’s important, what’s not.
(no cake, no centerpieces, outfits and invitations purchased in India, online RSVP system versus postage-paid envelopes, etc). We’re both frugal people and so would we love having an event for $3000 and banking the difference? Sure, but reality intruded – we have large families, we live 180 miles from where we’re getting married, we have full-time jobs (I travel more than 25% of the time), and we are reluctant to ask too much of our friends as we really want them to enjoy as much as possible.

The upside of all this? In the last year since we got engaged, we have put a good savings plan into place to pay for this event because we agreed that we were going to pay cash for everything and not incur any debt. As a result, we’ve had to deal with merged finances/attitudes really early on and we’ve found that we can do it, and we’re not planning to change a thing once we’re married. So after the wedding, we’re looking ahead to our downpayment on a house, a new car for him, a really nice vacation, and we feel very confident how we can work together on finances because by the time we get married, we’ll have had more than 12 months of experience of making difficult financial decisions together. And that is priceless.

Ok, fast forward 3 months… I looked through dozens of catalogs, read TheKnot.com religiously, started a wedding planning notebook, etc, etc. The plan was becoming more elaborate (read: expensive) every day.

I first didn’t want a wedding dress at all. Then I thought to get something for under $1000. Then – under $5000. Same with a guest list. The closest family (5 people) morphed into almost 100 “must invite” people.

We even travelled all around Florida where we used to live at the time looking for a suitable wedding venue! Pretty soon our wedding budget was at around $20000.

Both of us were getting very uncomfortable with this figure. The whole planning thing was turning into a nightmare (and we haven’t even booked any vendors).

Finally, after a couple more months we quietly eloped. I wore a simple summer dress that cost me less than $100 and that I still get to wear. My husband wore slacks and a Hawaiian shirt (ok, it was in Key West). We had a very private ceremony at a wonderful B&B we stayed at (free use of the gasebo, free flowers from their tropical garden, free champaign and a free room upgrade).

So I’d say that if you want to save a lot on a wedding, cut your planning time to just a couple of weeks (a month tops). If not, you’re gonna get sucked into ever more expensive options.

Also, pick what really matters to you. I could care less about flowers, cake, etc. But I really wanted hair and makeup done professionally and we both wanted professional pictures of the ceremony. So we splurged on these two items.