Note: This isn’t only about getting into college. You can use Failure Expectation to get a dream job or getting into almost any exclusive organization.
“Welcome to the Class of 2014!”
There is no feeling quite like getting admission into your dream college. No purchase, no vacation, no other achievement can rival it.
But it’s even more impressive when you’ve already been rejected…and you turn that rejection into admission the very next year. This is extraordinarily rare.
Today, a detailed case study about how a young man named Max Marmer turned rejection into admission — and how you can use these techniques yourself.
- How Max got into Stanford after being rejected the year before…and how a blog post helped (including the actual note from the admissions officer)
- How your automatic ego-protecting defenses prevent you from trying to overcome failure…and how to shortcut them
- How to apply the Craigslist Penis Effect to be more remarkable than your competition
Come along as I show you how most people are so unaccustomed to failure that they’ll do almost anything to avoid it — and how, by understanding this, you can leapfrog virtually everyone on the way to your goals.
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Examples of Failure Expectation
A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I used “Failure Expectation” to get into Stanford in 2000.
Let’s look at 2 comments that “I Will Teach You To Be Rich” readers left of how they’ve managed failure instead of being afraid of it.
“I started a new job in summer 2009, and when the annual review rolled around, I decided to ask for more of a raise than the average 2-3%. I expected that my boss might say no because I was so new, and in the event that happened, I decided in advance that I was going to ask to be able to work from home one day a week (very valuable to me in terms of flexibility and even some cost-savings). I was also going to ask for approval for 100% tuition reimbursement toward a master’s degree in my field. I got a crappy raise, but I did get the other things I asked for. ” – Jessica
“Thanks for this post. I work in education (teacher) and I’ve always wanted to work in curriculum, but there isn’t a position open and I don’t know if there will be a position open in the near future. I was going to work hard at school and hopefully a position would open and I would apply for it – but now I think I will make proposals for the position to be opened and why it is so important to the school – as well as solving some problems (like you mentioned in another post) instead of focusing on the smaller stuff. And make plans for when my proposal gets rejected (it will) and try, try again. It’s better than sitting on my hands and hoping. Thanks.” – Teacher
The beauty of this idea is that you can use it to achieve anything great, like getting the job you’ve always wanted, getting into a top university school, or even networking with someone you have always wanted to meet.
The key piece is treating rejection as a normal step in the process. Expect it and then take action to keep the process going forward instead of stalling out because you feel sorry for yourself.
There are a few things you can do to nudge things in your favor.
For example, in the post I pointed out that you have to be REALLY GOOD at what you do. If you want to get into a top college or job, you can’t just be average. Why would a very selective institution want you? You have to do remarkable things… but if you’ve read about my Craigslist Penis Effect you know that being remarkable isn’t really that hard (at least compared to most horrible people).
Check out how Max Marmer used the Failure Expectation technique when he got rejected from Stanford to earn himself an acceptance letter a year later.
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[Enter Max's Story]
The summer before my senior year while at an internship in Silicon Valley I realized I couldn’t leave the Bay Area for college. Then I decided two things:
1) That Stanford was the best place for me.
2) That I was going to take a gap year before starting college.
I also realized that getting into Stanford was going to be very hard, and this plan gave me the opportunity to apply a second time if I didn’t get in the first time.
[Note From Ramit: Note how rejection was built right into this timeline so that it wouldn’t stop him from executing his plan]
Over the next few months I applied to 2 schools: Stanford (early admission) and Berkeley.
I got deferred from early admission from Stanford into the regular pool and then was rejected. I was accepted into Berkeley, but for the Spring semester not the fall.
[Note from Ramit: At this point he could have whined about how life was unfair, or rationalized his rejection("I never really wanted to go there anyway...") but he simply followed his Failure Expectation plan to manage and deal with failure.]
I wrote a blog post about getting rejected and my experience with college admissions. I accepted Berkley as a backup.
Then I took the gap year as I had planned and continued to pursue my entrepreneurial interests. I got accepted into a 30-person innovation camp in Berlin so I headed overseas for 6 weeks.
I had re-applied to Stanford again, early admission, while at the camp and got my acceptance letter the week I got back to the States. On the acceptance letter the admissions officer said that when my application was up for review in committee they found the blog post I wrote last year about being rejected and that it swayed the committee. I withdrew from Berkeley and never stepped on campus as an official student.
Here’s what the handwritten note from the committee says:
“As impressed as we were by your perseverance and accomplishments during your gap year, what really swayed the committee was your blog posting last April, you showed real maturity and resilience. Welcome to the class of 2014!”
Analysis: How can you use this to dominate?
Put yourself in the mind of the admissions officer. You reject someone. What do you expect them to do?
99.999%% of people will slink away, never to be heard from again.
A very small group of people will persevere and continue doing extraordinary things — and telling people about it — so they can achieve their goals.
Getting into Stanford isn’t even the point. When you have somebody like Max who continues doing interesting things, you know he will go on to achieve unusual results.
When I applied to over 65 scholarships for college, I didn’t plan on getting them all — I planned on losing most of them. And in fact, I did. Yet I won enough scholarships to cover over $100,000 of undergraduate and graduate school at Stanford.
You’ll notice that Max didn’t do anything truly amazing. He simply continued on doing the things that interested him…things that were off the beaten path, but fun to him. What you start to see is that anyone could do these things — but their own psychology holds them back. When rejected, they undergo rapid dissonance reduction (“I never wanted to go there anyway”) and they retreat to a predictable conservative path.
During times of ambiguity, we are extremely susceptible to social cues. This is why when you go to a fancy restaurant you’ve never been to, you look to the host to see how to behave. And this is why most people, upon their first serious failure, retreat into an even more conservative shell by taking a standard college approach.
This is an extremely subtle point.
Getting into Stanford is rare. Getting into Stanford after being rejected is remarkable. But having the psychological control and perspicacity to continue doing interesting things — even after being rejected — is truly extraordinary.
This case study is not about getting into Stanford. It’s about managing your own emotions and psychology to focus on your goal, even after being rejected point-blank. Your goals may change, but nothing — not failure, not your skeptical parents, not the lack of money — will stop you.
Only you can.
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