“I’m going to marry for love” is such a deeply held belief that’s become an invisible script. After all, who wouldn’t want to marry someone they love?
But “love marriages” are only a recent development. Throughout history, marriages were made for strategic alliances, economic gain, familial ties, and a variety of other unromantic reasons.
The push and pull of our modern love-based thinking sometimes clashes with our history.
For example, I know a lot of guys who think that once they start making “serious money,” women will be more interested in them. Inevitably, even if they do start making a lot more, they aren’t any more successful with women. What really makes a difference in their ability to attract a partner are other, ancillary factors that money enables.
I recently read this article with interest. The author, Ginger, makes the point that money is a definite factor that women should consider when they choose their long-term partners. She was very careful to present a nuanced argument and carefully include caveats.
The result? Comments like this:
“WE TRUELY LOVE EACH OTHER BUT SINCE I COULD NOT IMPROVE MY CAREER FAST ENOUGH, WITHIN IN 3 MONTHS, SHE DUMPED ME. I AM NOT A BUM BY ANY STANDARD AND WORK A GOOD JOB 40 TO 60 HOURS A WEEK. SHE HAS HER HEART SET ON RETIRING EARLY AND BEING RICH. I THINK SHE IS MAKING A BIG MISSTAKE. SHE MAY BECOME RICH, WHO KNOWS, BUT SHE WILL NOT HAVE ANYONE TO ENJOY IT WITH THAT WILL TREAT HER THE WHY I DID. MONEY IS AN ILLUSION AND WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY.” – Michael
“And i would suggest that all men insist upon a pre-nup and marry based on looks and sexual vigor. And just like in the stock market, once there is a drop in “performance” I’d suggest dropping your current holdings and find new assets.” – Patrick B.
“Well, 1.2 billion People live on less than $1 dollar a day….I think you (and I) should be very thankful for what we have. It sounds like you do not love nor accept your partner for who he is….” – willdation
Notice how people bring their own opinions to the discussion — often weakly held, stereotypical beliefs — without even considering the argument.
What do you think? Vote with a tweet:
- Click to Tweet: “Smart women marry for love.”
- Click to Tweet: “Smart women marry for money.”
QUESTION: How important is money when you’re evaluating a potential partner? How important should money be? And is it different for men and women?
Examples (for both genders): If you find out that your girlfriend/boyfriend has $30,000 of debt, how would you react? What if you’ve been dating for 4 years?
How does your partner’s income play into your decision to be with them?
And if smart women marry for _____. What do smart men marry for? Hint: The answer cannot just be “love.”
Leave your thoughts below.