POP QUIZ: Let’s say I asked you which of these you could change about yourself:
- Your taste in food (e.g., “I love pizza”)
- Your body (e.g., “I’m a skinny Indian guy”)
- Your likeability (“I’m not like Mike, who walks into a bar and everybody loves him”)
Which trait do you think is malleable?
The correct answer: ALL OF THEM!
This realization — that I could change things I previously thought were immutable — blew my mind.
For example, with food, I used to LOVE pizza, and I just thought, “those are my taste buds.” I literally thought my palate was an unchangeable part of who I was. Now, I walk past 15 NYC pizzerias every day and don’t even think twice.
And you already know the story about me turning from a skinny Indian guy into a guy who learned how to put on muscle.
Today we’re going to talk about one of the most powerful ways you can change: HOW TO BE MORE LIKEABLE.
Oh yes. It’s a big promise. But by the end of today’s email, you’re going to have a few new ways to get the people around you to like you.
Think about the most likeable friend of yours — the guy who walks in a room and everybody knows him? You get there 5 minutes late and he’s chatting up the bartender, and you’re like WTF.
Like this guy:
How do you do that? How do you get that magnetic skill where people instantly like you?
I love to talk about this because I went from one end of the spectrum — a weird-looking, talks-too-fast, poorly dressed guy…
Follow me on Instagram or face massive FOMO
J/K, I don’t think I’m the smoothest. But you have to be likeable enough to go on The Today Show and give talks in front of thousands of people.
So what can we do beyond the obvious advice of “Smile?”
As part of my year-end series where I’m helping you start 2015 off right, I want to give you a new technique you can use today to become more likeable.
I have nothing to sell in this email. In fact, you can’t even get into my How To Talk To Anybody course — it’s closed until next year.
Today, the EYE CONTACT CHALLENGE. In short:
- Most people do not consciously use eye contact, when it is one of the most valuable tools you have at your disposal. With a half-second look, you can convey attraction, friendliness, sadness, curiosity, or “I am a reader at one of your IWT meetups and I want to get with you but I don’t have the social skills to do so so I am going to stand by the bar for 45 minutes and stare you down until you come over here”
- I challenge you to try TESTING eye contact. Notice I’m not saying “Get better at it!” I want you to see the difference when you try different types of eye contact. When done correctly, it can build rapport and intimacy. When done poorly, it can make you look like a serial killer. (We cover the difference in the clip below.)
- Specifically, try holding eye contact for a second longer than you normally would. How do you feel? How does the other person react?
- Remember, you have MANY opportunities to try this out. Practice on your waiter, barista, or the person at the checkout counter.
New video — my gift to you: How to use eye contact. I dipped into my premium vault of 25+ hours of interviews with Navy Seals, New York Times journalists, Stanford professors, and top strategists and cut this new clip for you.
This is from my interview with Olivia Fox Cabane on social skills.
In this 15-minute clip from my Brain Trust program, Olivia Fox Cabane, author of The Charisma Myth shows me how to improve one of my toughest areas — social skills.
P.S. We have some really exciting stuff coming up in 2015 and I’d like to let as many folks know about it as possible. If you run a website with an audience that is interested in launching an online business, or just seeking to improve their lives in general, I’d love for you to partner with me. Fill out this short application and, if we feel as though you’d be a great fit, my team will get back to you with everything you need.
P.P.S. I’m looking to hire a Food Coach who can show tens of thousands of people how to cook in a convenient and healthy way. If you’re interested, see details here: www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/careers/#food-coach.