How DARE they spend so much?

67 Comments

10 31 0

People love to point fingers and act indignant about how much people spend on other things….until it comes to themselves.

  • “I can’t BELIEVE she spends THAT much on shoes.”
  • “$3,000 for an apartment! RIDICULOUS!”
  • “$28,000 for a wedding? I had 500 people over and we only spend $350″ (by the way, every single post on wedding costs on the Internet has annoying commenters like this)

I cover this extensively in a past post, “Attention annoying hypocrites: Stop being judgmental about your friends’ money habits,” which almost led me to violence after writing it.

I prefer to talk about conscious spending, where you spend extravagantly on the things you love, as long as you cut costs mercilessly on the things you don’t.

So I found an article by Virginia Postrel from today’s Wall Street Journal particularly interesting. It turns out that broadly saying, “Spend on what you love!” is ok…until people actually describe how much they’re spending. Then things turn ugly.

Michael Pollan, the best-selling author of “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and a leading advocate of buying locally grown food, recently upset many of his fans by daring to put numbers on his oft-repeated prescription to “pay more, eat less.” Eight dollars for a dozen eggs? $3.90 for a pound of peaches?

Those figures were way too specific and way, way too high to go unnoticed…

Mr. Pollan’s critics sound a lot like Jackie Mason back in the 1990s, mocking Starbucks for “charging you three dollars for 50 cents worth of coffee.” Taste is subjective. So is economic value. The right price is the one you’re willing to pay…

Other buyers may not care, but I consider cheap peaches a waste of money. I don’t blame San Francisco foodies like Mr. Pollan for paying $3.90 a pound. They can always cut back on the cappuccinos.

Right on. Please, if you find yourself judging others for their spending, know two things:

  1. You are probably right that they are spending foolishly — not because you’re smart, but because, statistically, almost everyone is terrible at managing their money. It’s like me shouting out into a crowd, “YOU ARE ALL CARBON LIFE FORMS!!!” and then being pleased with myself when proven right.
  2. Please shut the hell up. You’re not the paragon of spending virtue, and if you gave me 10 minutes on the phone with you, I could identify 20% of your money being “wasted” on “ridiculous” things. Focus on your own spending, automation, and goals, and look in the mirror instead of your friends’ closets.

Related: See more rants about dumb people

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67 Comments

10 31 0
 
  1. Thank you for this, was just ruminating over my wife’s expenditures. Sometimes this stuff drives me crazy. I will shut the hell up now.

  2. Haha, for some reason I imagine what facial expressions you must be making when you are writing this! o\ /o Love it.

  3. Amen!! Love that you actually say this, even if it may piss people off.

  4. I don’t give a sh*t what someone wastes their money on, as long as it doesn’t somehow fall back on me.

    With that being said, most middle class people’s wasteful habits almost ALWAYS affect those around them, even in subtle ways. For example, most of my friends make much less than I do, but spend like it’s going out of style. I feel obligated to pick up the check when we go out because they are perpetually “broke”. I also have plenty of relatives who love to go out drinking 5 nights a week, but then get angry at me if I won’t lend them thousands of dollars for whatever “emergency” of theirs comes up.

    Let’s not forget that these same people will very likely leech off government funds in one way or another if they can’t manage their money (case in point – the housing bubble burst, which is now being absorbed by the average person). Maybe this is why people get pissed off and judgemental.

    • The tax/housing point is fair, if overly simplified.

      But it also sounds like you’re judging others because you’re not comfortable saying “no.”

    • Uhh, I’m very comfortable saying No. I’m also very comfortable saying WHY I’m saying No. However, some of the subtle suggestions make me want to sever relationships I have had for years because I don’t respect someone who relies on others for support – plain and simple.

      I am annoyed because I prioritize my spending in a responsible manner and I consider it disgraceful to feel entitled to anyone else’s money (including the government’s). I expect the same in return, but most people in our generation seem to be selfish, greedy, LAZY and entitled. Let’s take the whole retirement issue, for example. I’m pretty sure I can find about 4 million financial “experts” who say that you should be saving for retirement right now. It is also common fucking sense. However, most people prefer not to think about this until it’s too late. What’s going to happen when they reach close to retirement age, or if there is some other emergency in their life? I suspect there will be some bailout for all the Gen X/Y folks who couldn’t bother to think about such trivial details while they are waiting on line for their new Ipad.

      Like I said, I don’t hate on anyone else’s habits until I see them leeching off society.

      OH, and if you are near 30 and living with your parents, I am talking about YOU too.

    • You can “suspect” it but that doesn’t make it true. It seems like a long time for you to be angry about something that may or may not happen for decades. What’s more likely is they will live a steeply reduced quality of life, due not only to their poor choices, but to the failure of society to nudge people toward saving more for their inevitable old age. More on this in the intro of my book.

      Then again, I’m the one telling people not to judge, so if your perspective works for you and keeps you focused on your goals, go for it…I guess.

  5. Oh, and I feel no remorse about judging people who spend ridiculously on bullshit but don’t have any savings put aside for themselves and their children.

    If I see a rich person popping 100k on a wedding, GREAT for them. When I see some douchebag making 60k a year spending 60k on a car, but buying a house with no money down and then foreclosing on it, YES I am going to get pissed and judge the shit out of them.

    • Come on Ramit, I never pegged you as the kind of person to blame “society” for this type of behavior, especially when you are perpetuating it! With that being said, there is no shame in judging others. If we didn’t use our own experiences to form judgements, we’d never learn not to play with fire.

      I think your blog is one of the best ones out there, because you encourage people to get off their lazy ass and actually EARN more money instead of whining. The rest of the blogs are all about how to split 2-ply toilet paper into 1 and how to transform cat urine back into drinkable water. They are short sighted.

      There is so much talk about retirement, the individual is solely to blame for not taking responsibility. Just like the stupid homeowner who can’t understand that getting a 5-year ARM means that their mortgage payment will likely INCREASE deserves what they get as well. Stop blaming others for individual greed.

      Your target audience is mostly Gen Y “kids” like yourself, who are nouveau riche. You should be teaching people to exercise *some* restraint and be responsible, rather than perpetuating bullshit consumerism.

      My financial philosophy – Do your absolute best to ensure you (and your kids) will NEVER be a financial burden to anyone else, and then spend away.

    • Thanks for the kind words, Anon. This is a good discussion and I appreciate your thoughtful comments.

      I believe in personal responsibility, but I also know that there are profound social, psychological and societal reasons for not doing the “right” thing. Here’s one example: Why don’t fat people just eat less? After all, it’s so obvious!

      In general, if MILLIONS of people aren’t making the “right” decision, there’s something more than “bad choices” going on.

      Perhaps I’ll write more about this in the future.

      Thanks again for a thought-provoking discussion.

  6. Clearly, people who get all judgy about spending $3k on an apartment have never lived in San Francisco!

    Regardless, you have a great point, Ramit. Spending money on things important to me and slashing things that aren’t was one of my major takeaways from I Will Teach You To Be Rich. I now buy organic meat, cancelled my expensive cable that I never use, bought a nice car, and switched to generic brands on medicines and many other things. I am now a lot happier and I don’t even miss the stuff I stopped spending on. Thanks, Ramit!

  7. Yes, I agree that there are deep rooted reasons why people do what they do, and I feel compassion and empathy toward people who have fallen on hard times (even through fault of their own). Believe it or not, I am both female, and liberal (well, maybe not fiscally liberal ;-)).

    You are in a unique position to influence young people positively, and part of that includes encouraging people to take individual responsibility for their actions and their habits instead of blaming society.

    This went way off topic from your original post, so I’ll step off my soap box here.

  8. You’re right on the money. How much money, I won’t say, though.

  9. My favorite example of this is the people who rail on billionaires who donate to charity…who they believe are donating to the “wrong” charity.

    Here’s a classic example via the WSJ:
    http://blogs.wsj.com/wealth/2010/07/21/will-buffett-gates-pledge-really-help-the-poor/

    More recently, I read online where someone criticized Mark Zuckerberg for donating to the Newark schools, saying that his money would have gone a lot farther if it was sent to third world countries.

    My thoughts on this? How about YOU make a billion dollars, get all the flack that comes with making it, have people talk sh*t about your company every day, and then you decide how YOU want to spend YOUR money.

    Don’t want to do that? Don’t want all the flack and negativity that comes with being a billionaire? Then, just like Ramit said, shut the f*** up.

    [end rant]
    -Erica

  10. Timely article reminding the readers about this fact: it takes minimal effort to perform better than average b/c most of them spent minimal effort (i.e. don’t do s*** in terms of consciously spend their money, or maintain the exercising habit). Many of those who complain about other people’s spendings are hypocrites, from my personal experience.

  11. Inspired by Ramit’s remarks, here’s what I’ve done in the past several years.

    1) I play to my strength. I’m very good at making a spending plan. I started with a much more formal budget, but as I’ve improved a spending plan has come to suffice because I’ve learned how to plan less for greater effect and skip the small details.

    2) I figure how how much do I personally want to spend on X and stick to that religiously, and I make sure my total spending plan for a given period is significantly less than anticipated income. I buy new eyeglasses every year and spend about $400 on them. Some people tell me I’m freaking crazy because they spend $60 every two years or whatever, but this is worth it to me. It used to be about $500 a year, which gets me to my next point:

    3) Once I get it set up so, every once in a while when I get a wild hair I think of ways to cut the expense in such a way I don’t perceive less value. I do not worry at all how much others spend on the same thing.

  12. Interesting post. We live in an extremely judgmental society, and I am aware of no data suggesting this will decrease. Indeed, it appears to have increased because we are constantly bombarded with even more information and commentaries through multiple media platforms. While it certainly would be ideal if we could be more reserved (or at least constructive) with our criticism, it seems unlikely.

    Essentially, I agree with your point but see no practical solution.

  13. At the end of the day, what you spend is much less important than how much you save…in your savings account.

  14. People just find it ridiculous that there are people who save their money and put it all into one area they REALLY care instead of spending on what society thinks they should spend their money on.
    Example: I got a lot of flak for not immediately spending hundreds of dollars filling my new apartment with couches, tables and chairs. Why? I didn’t care about furniture; other people thought I should care about furniture. I wanted to spend my money on anime crap instead. I ended up spending a ridiculous amount, because I budgeted for what I wanted instead of what other people thought I should buy (and I ended up slowing picking up garage sale furniture for a fraction of retail prices).

    It seems like the way “most” people do it is to spend whatever makes sense for their income level on EVERY category, instead of relocating that money to categories they care most about (which there’s nothing really wrong with, if that’s what you want to do). They see you spending $3k on shoes, but don’t see you clipping coupons for your food or bringing lunch to work, and don’t realize they could spend just as much on shoes if they chose to.

  15. I’ve also noticed there’s a huge issue of scale that people just can’t seem to grasp. Even if you know someone is a high income earner, you’ll see people saying things like “he spent $500 on a pair of shoes? Why, you’d have to be an idiot! I get mine at Payless for $15!” etc., not realizing that there are some very poor people in the world who must find $15 on such poor quality shoes equally ludicrous, as well as $30 on a dinner out, $50 on a video game, or any of the other expenditures that are considered normal in wealthier countries.

  16. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on the finest green tea from Japan.

    My tea is grown in half shade through the TANA method, which costs me money. Then the leaf is handpicked and ordered by hand. No machines, since they already change the process. Then they are handrolled and vacuumed. Then the tea package is filled with nitrogen to avoid any excessive oxidation.

    There is the possibility to actually spend 47 Dollars on 30g of this tea. There is the possibility to spend about 1000$ a kilogram of this tea.

    I do not give a damn. I would rather never drink alcohol again, never spend too much money for banks, insitutions and ridiculous shit than miss my great Primal/Paleo food and the best tea in the world. Seriously, people need to STFU.

    If anyone is interested in the tea, just drop a comment, I dont want to go for avertising on Ramits blog without being asked for.

    • Damn dude, now even I want to know

    • I’ll second Ramit’s curiosity (not that he needs to be seconded on his own site). My wife’s mom (she’s japanese) has sent us some matcha a couple times that probably costs about $30/30g, and no, it’s not insane. It’s delicious. Have you counted how many cups you get out of 30g? I haven’t, but it must be at least 10. $47/10 = $4.70, not ridiculous at all considering a meh latte is $4.00 and a beer is $6 at a bar.
      So, um, where do you get it?

  17. Reminds me of my favorite quotes, “A Cynic is someone who knows the cost of everything and values nothing”

    I get starbucks one day a week for 2.50, often with gift cards. People can continue to drink their crap coffee and talk, but I will smile that day and think of this post. I have maxed roths the last 2 years and contribute 10% at age 24, ill be okay if I dont listen to them.

  18. Since Ramit asked, I shall reveal my source ;)

    This tea comes directly from the plantation in Japan, shipping is free from 38$ value :

    http://www.hibiki-an.com

    In Germany, the Starbucks culture is not that well established. There is a crowd that frequently visits starbucks, but paying 4,50€ for coffee is still laughed at by the majority. (As far as I know from my market research, there is only one Starbucks in Rhine-Ruhr Metropol Region, that is really running well. The others are running okay, but not that great for a business.)

    So, paying 4,70$ for a cup of delicious for most germans I know is REALLY snobby. But then again, I have waived my chance for free education and went to a private university since I am more into getting my value and connections than running the leftist way that is so popular among germans after we elected a conservative-liberal coalition last year.

  19. Ah, Ramit, I forgot :

    On Twitter you asked about studies on the calorie intake issue. James Krieger outlined it pretty well, dont know how many @ responses you get a day, for some people it gets tedious following.

    So, here a link with tons of research on food reporting :
    http://weightology.net/weightologyweekly/?page_id=379

    Simply said : If a study used food reporting, it is wrong, inconclusive and useless. Unfortunately so ;)

  20. I ended up spending a ridiculous amount, because I budgeted for what I wanted instead of what other people thought I should buy (and I ended up slowing picking up garage sale furniture for a fraction of retail prices).

  21. You need to watch you language dude….

    [Edit from Ramit] I deleted the comment you’re referring to

  22. Ramit, this post had me laughing. I have a friend, every time I buy something, he always asks me how much I paid for it. Then I know he is going to tell me about the time he purchased one for $2 billion dollars less.

    Sometimes I also find myself criticizing the financial choices of others so thanks for putting me in my place with this post.

  23. Ramit, usually I like your stuff, but you’re missing the entire point Michael Pollan was making about paying $3.90 for peaches. He’s paying $3.90 for locally produced peaches, grown by organic farmers in small batches. The reason for this is not because he thinks the peaches taste better, but rather because they are not covered in pesticides, they are not being driven across the continent, they are not genetically modified, in essence, because there are no hidden costs.

    50 cents for a can of peaches seems a lot more reasonable, until you factor in all the damage to our environment that we all have to pay for later on. It’s like buying a house for $40k without doing any research and finding out a year later that it needs $400k worth of repairs.

    But using this to push a consumerist driven “it’s good to spend” agenda is either missing the point, or purposely misleading.

    • I think the point of the post is that people pay for what they value, and some people value different things. Ramit captured that point. I think your comment is actually in agreement with Ramit’s post, even if it may not be immediately obvious to you.

  24. I’m guessing the people complaining about spending $28,000 on their weddings aren’t Indian. I live in Texas and have heard of people spending $100,000+ on an Indian wedding.

  25. I’m all about spending money on things you love… BUT what if those things dont get used?

    For example I know a woman who spends thousands of dollars on clothes every year. This might be ok, except she doesnt pay off her credit cards AND most of the clothes sit in the garage or random closets and never get worn. EVER.

    I guess this is a different topic because its more like hoarding then concious spending, but I just wanted to bring up that it doesn’t just end with spending the money upfront.

    If you’re gonna buy something- even something you really want- use it!

    • I love these people. At some point they end up having to sell some of it off, and I get to buy their awesome clothes for a mere fraction of the price. But yeah, it’s not really “conscious spending”..

  26. I tend to judge people’s spending mostly when I don’t see any value in the extra money they’re spending.

    My sister buys organic food from farmer’s markets. Organic fruit and vegetables, grass-fed beef,etc., and pays a premium for them. I buy the mass produced stuff from the grocery store for less money, and pay significantly less. But she gets better quality, more nutritious food with no additives or hormones that’s grown/raised by local farmers with a better environmental impact than corporate farms, so she gets to feel good about it. That’s added value. It’s added value that I can personally do without, or at least added value I don’t feel comfortable spending extra money on with my current finances.

    But a lot of designer clothing bothers me. While I’m sure that in many cases the larger price is warranted, like the dresses you see being worn at red carpet events, but for some it just seems like you’re paying more just for the name on the label. Is a $200 pair of Diesel jeans really better than a $35 pair of Levi’s? Do they really look better? Last longer? What do you get for the extra money? Bragging rights for being able to afford $200 jeans? I suppose that counts as added value. Maybe my problem with such things is not the extra money, but that I don’t really approve of the particular value that extra money buys.

    I remember reading about a Blu-Ray player from a high-end electronics company that had the exact same guts as a significantly cheaper model from the parent company’s low-end label. They just changed the outside.

    • I felt this way until I bought a pair of expensive ($175) jeans, and wore them twice a week for three years. They lasted longer and were better made and fit better than my Old Navy jeans, which lasted only a few months at best, were ill fitting, and ended up being really uncomfortable towards the end. For me it’s a better value to buy clothing that holds up to washings and fits better because it means I can wear the item longer.

  27. Did you say—Please shut the hell up???? Too funny!!! I never say anything about what people do with their money, sleep with, live, or do with their careers. Its their life.

  28. Having read this site for a long time and remembering all those posts I have to ask, what precipitated this? Did you have some meeting where someone walked in with a cup of starbucks and someone else made a comment and you flipped the table monopoly style?
    Enjoyed the link, glad someone manned up and actually stuck dollars to their spending preferences.

  29. Ramit, I DO agree with what you have to say here. Spend on what you care about, cut mercilessly everywhere else.

    That said, I really wish you would stop quoting the $28k Wedding figure. $28k is a mean, not a median, and is skewed upwards tremendously by the extravagantly expensive outliers (one $1 million wedding will skew the figures much more than one $100 wedding). The median (the more accurate figure) is closer to $15k… a significant difference.

    When you (and other publications) quote the $28k figure, you’re giving people the wrong impression about what most weddings “really” cost, and some people feel pressured by those expectations. In other words, what you’re really doing here is helping the wedding industry by enforcing their justification to jack up their prices even higher.

  30. Just to further expand on that point:

    Some people care about lavish weddings – in which case, great! Save up for one and splurge… it does only happen once (in theory), so enjoy it!

    Some people don’t care about lavish weddings. HOWEVER, most people who are planning a wedding feel enormous amounts of pressure to spend more than they’re comfortable with. The wedding industry has pushed their prices up using that very idea: convincing people that something is “necessary” or “essential” or “not a REAL wedding without it” or that their “family and friends will feel let down without it” when really none of this is necessarily the case – depending on the couple, of course – and then justifying it with that $28k figure (“Oh, you’re not really spending THAT much… $28k is the average, so if you spend only $18k you’re still WELL under most peoples’ budgets!”). These are the kinds of pressures that cause young couples to start marriages with $20k on the credit card.

    So, Ramit – do you really want to add to that pressure? Do you really want to tell people who DON’T care about lavish weddings that they’re being unrealistic about spending less than $28k – which is WELL above the median price for a wedding?

    Food for thought.

    • It’s a good point, Amy. Thanks for making it. I don’t want to unnecessarily anchor the price higher than it needs to be, especially with the wedding industry, which thrives on exactly this.

  31. But nitpicking others is sooooo much fun!

    On a slightly more serious note, keep in mind that some criticism is valid. For example, I have a friend who’s a real estate investor and if he tells me I’m spending too much on an investment property, I’m going to listen. The difference is that he’s giving financial advice as opposed to critiquing my taste and preferences. He’s never going to tell me “your choice of colors for the living room is stupid!” but he will tell me “you can get that color for less money if you want.”

    As another example, I lived in Berkeley (where Mr. Pollan lives) and I know a wonderful local market where you can get amazingly good (and local) peaches for less than $3.90. If I pointed this out to Mr. Pollan I would not be criticizing his value judgement I would simply be offering constructive advice and options.

    I think constructive advice is awesome and we should be open to it, just as we should ignore the loud mouths telling us that all values are objective and equal.

  32. Ramit, I may be a carbon life form, but at least I don’t go around flaunting my nucleic acids like you do.

  33. love it – use money to live the life you want, responsibly. what’s the point sacrificing so much to gather it in the first place? no one has taken it with them to heaven before….

    • “… no one has taken it with them to heaven before…. ”

      I love this phrase – spot on!

  34. So true…my boyfriend is always railing about how stupid it is to spend tons of money on designer bags, trendy shoes, flashy cars, etc. “Things that are pointless”, in his words. And then I point out that I have lots of things that are pointless, and then he shuts up.

  35. I don’t judge the things people spend money on. Things that are worthless to me might bring great joy to someone else. (And personally, I’d pay potentially limitless amounts for a meal, if I could find someone to go with me. Yes, it’s ludicrous. In my defense, I haven’t yet spent over a thousand on a meal.)

    What I tend to judge is people spending money they can’t afford to spend. If you’re having trouble making ends meet, then $5 coffee is pretty ridiculous. If you can’t feed your family, spending money on booze and cigs is unforgivable. But if you have a plan for dealing with bankruptcy – by all means, at least you’re being realistic!

    That being said, I judge SILENTLY. Because STFU applies as much to me as anyone else.

  36. Hmm, the government spends too much.

  37. Point #2 is spot on and I couldn’t agree more.

  38. I appreciate the call for consistency. It’s very true that most people who criticize the spending habits of others could be called out for their own spending.

    Most.

    My wife and I have worked very hard to cut out wasteful spending from our budget. We’ve paid off thousands in debt. The reason we did this was because we wanted to live under our means now, so we could live within our means later (emergencies, retirement, etc.).

    We have friends and family that are having a terrible time getting along financially. They have mountains of debt, and won’t change a thing about their spending habits, then complain about having it so rough. When we see them waste thousands of dollars on vacations, toys, and other such luxuries, we can’t help but be indignant.

    Yes, everyone is entitled to a luxury, but only if they earn it. Sure, they can cut one part of their life in order to afford another, but most don’t. If you say to not point a finger at them, I say SOMEBODY needs to. Might as well be those of us who have our ducks in a row.

  39. Good job on catching people on their judgment. Everyone spends too much on something, so judging others seems very hypocritical. I would rather just get out of debt myself and not judge.

  40. Very funny post. I admit I am occasionally guilty of this myself. I see the value in just shutting the hell up as I often wish others would do that when sharing their opinions of what I spend my money on. Good call.

  41. Honestly who cares what anyone else spends, its their business, their life, if someone has worked hard for their money, then who cares what they spend, if they’re in debt, if they’re debt-free, etc… People might think they’re in debt when the person isn’t in debt at all.

  42. Really like the two points you made at the end. As money is just a tool to enjoy life and you are limited in your spending by your ability to earn it…

  43. My dad would sum this up as: Cash is king.

    The car industry is another great example of pressuring people. People love to tell me I should buy a new car.

    I drive a Mercedes.

    Sure, it is 20 years old, but it runs better than most newer cars, is cheap to insure and maintain, and I have literally every oil change, repair bill, and insurance claim ever filed for it. I drive *maybe* once a week. The car still goes 120 :) And yet people cannot get over the fact that gasp! my car is old.

    So yes, I could buy a new car. Instead, I save that extra $100+ a month I save on insurance costs. That’s a lot of extra money I can spend (or save) on things I care about.

  44. Ramit, I’d be curious to hear your comments on the Univ. of Chicago professor who blogged about his income and what he spends, in the context of tax cuts that are due to expire for the top 2% earners, and the ensuing firestorm that it caused online. Many thought leaders blogged about it, and there were a few civil comments, but a whole lot of ridiculousness and pain for him for being honest about his feelings otherwise. I know you don’t delve into politics on this blog, but I’m sure there’s a nice angle to discuss the issues of fear and money coming from scarcity vs. plenty that would be interesting to your readers.

  45. Wow.

    I’m surprised there’s so much discussion on this.

    It seems pretty obvious to me. People “judge” others’ spending because they’re seeking validation for their own choices. By identifying someone else’s choices as “bad,” they’re seeking agreement from their peer group, which indirectly reinforces their own choices. It’s a symptom of their insecurity in their own choices. And I’m not just talking about money – it pertains to all aspects of peoples’ lives.

    • I don’t judge people for their spending habits. However, I do like laughing at people who spend foolishly and then suffer the aftermath of their decisions. I don’t really care if they learn anything from their experience. I just find it entertaining to read about it. But then again, I’m kinda evil.

  46. I feel too that people generally are judging others to justify their own bad habits. I have noticed that the more certain people talk about other people’s spending habits, the more problems they have their finances and their own spending habits.

  47. So, I admit I fall into the judgment trap… and I try to do it privately…

    But what I have a really hard time dealing with is people who ask me for financial advice over and over, whom I’ve given my time and help to freely in the interest of helping them, who repeatedly and deliberately make bad decisions and want me to forgive them for it. (“I had a bad week at work so I spent my emergency fund on stuff I didn’t need.” “I had a fight with my parents so I took the girls out to dinner and paid for them all myself.” “I was bored and surfed on Amazon for stuff I ‘need’.” Kind of like a dieter deciding to have a whole chocolate cake…)

    On one hand, who am I to forgive you for damage you’re doing to yourself? On the other hand, how do I dodge future requests for advice?

  48. I definitely judge–but I’m trying to mend my ways because I know it is pointless. I did work for a very wealthy person several years ago and I found it fascinating how much time the other employees spent kvetching about our boss’ spending habits. For whatever reason, my judgmental meter wasn’t running at that job; I honestly thought–why care? It’s their money to do what they want with.

    So I aspire to that–it is other people’s money and other people’s choices. As long as I ain’t payin their bills, what right do I have to judge? I will admit though, that the negative judgmental thoughts I am having the hardest time letting go of are about a close friend who recently had her home foreclosed on. Several years ago, just before she was about to have her daughter, she quit a good-paying job. She eventually got another one, but then left that one too and could no longer afford her mortgage. She now unemployed and a single mom with no child support. I worry so much about what is going to happen to her and her daughter. She still spends lots of money on her daughter’s toys by getting money from her parents and siblings, but they can’t pay her bills as well (although she does ask them to chip in). It makes me want to scream–how will you take care of yourself?? What were you thinking?? But I try to keep my mouth shut since I know she has enough to worry about.

    Good to be reminded to keep my mouth shut by articles like this though. Thanks!

  49. I couldn’t agree more Ramit…I think people use criticism of others as a way to feel better about their own financial situation. Really, all that should be important is that we know we are in control of our own financial situations and are comfortable with we’re at and that we’re doing all we can to be financially sound. What other people do should be irrelevant unless you’re trying to help others, not make them feel bad.